Today's News: Our Take


COURT REPORT

German singing sensation David Hasselhoff pleaded no-contest Thursday to a drunk-driving charge and was ordered to enter alcohol rehab for six months. Hasselhoff was arrested for DUI after being stopped in Los Angeles in June. Also on Thursday, actor Rip Torn (The Larry Sanders Show) was found not guilty of drunk driving after jurors determined the testimony of the arresting officer was not believable. read more

MEA CULPA

Elton John says he's sorry for saying Madonna should be shot for "lip-syncing" on stage — an accusation Madge's rep vehemently denied. "I don't want to escalate it because I like Madonna," he tells Entertainment Weekly. "She's been to my house for dinner. It was something that was said in the heat of the moment, and probably should not have been said... It was my fault. I instigated the whole thing. But it applies to all those bloody teenage singers." In other words, Ashlee Simpson should be shot? read more

DR. EVIL

Jane Seymour kicks off a five-episode Smallville stint Nov. 17; in the arc, she plays the sinister mother of Lana's new boyfriend (Jensen Ackles). "She's pure evil," says the erstwhile Medicine Woman, "which is a really fun change from Dr. Quinn." You mean Dr. Quinn wasn't pure evil? What show was I watching? read more

HUNGRY FOR MORE

Thomas Harris has not lost his appetite for Hannibal Lecter. A new novel about the iconic cannibal, Behind the Mask, is headed to bookstores next fall. Film rights to the book have already been secured by the Dino DeLaurentiis Company, which produced Red Dragon and Hannibal. In related news, I need a snack. read more

NIELSEN HOME RUN

Fox's cursed fall season is over! Boston's historic four-game sweep of the Cards averaged 25.4 million viewers, making it the most watched World Series since 1995. Even better: Now The O.C. can finally start! read more

MONEY TROUBLE

CNN is shuttering its struggling financial offshoot CNNfn in December after nine years of minuscule ratings. It's also planning to revamp its Headline News spin-off to include more original programming in prime time. read more

CASE CLOSED

Talk about anticlimactic. Embattled Fox News Channel host Bill O'Reilly and producer Andrea Mackris have agreed to settle their legal dispute over her allegations of sexual harassment. Terms of the settlement are being kept confidential, which means it could be a few days before TheSmokingGun.com gets a hold of it. read more

Joey NBC obviously thought Fox...

Joey
NBC obviously thought Fox would still be airing the World Series, so they scheduled a repeat of the pilot. Not a smart move. The O.C. returns to Fox next week, so airing a new Joey tonight would've been more useful, don't you think?

Will & Grace
Speaking of repeats, NBC aired a repeat of one of last season's best episodes — the one with Mira Sorvino, perhaps Debra Messing's funniest episode ever. I would've watched the entire thing again if I didn't have so many other things to watch. Thank God for TiVo! Looking forward to Kristin Davis on next week's (new) episode.

Survivor: Vanuatu
What is with this edition? They just keep voting off the best-looking dudes early. Mechanical-bull operator John K., the very last of the "pretty boys," was voted off. Whatever. I was hoping one of the multiple "white chicks with brown hair" would go. Am I the only one who read more

WHO'S HE VOTING FOR?

Sundance Channel will air a special election-night edition of The Al Franken Show on Nov. 2 at 11:30 pm/ET. Franken will be broadcasting live from Kerry's campaign headquarters in Boston. read more

BANNED

Wal-Mart is refusing to sell George Carlin's best-selling new book, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, in its stores because the company feels it "would not appeal to a majority of our customers." OK, I'll bite: When will Jesus bring the pork chops? read more

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