24
Kudos to everyone who guessed correctly: Anderson stole the Stealth bomber to shoot down Air Force One. But did you notice he brought the plane down but didn't take it out completely? Only in the coming attractions did we get a few clues as to why. Looks like this latest terrorist plot was less about killing the president and more about stealing the top-secret information on board, which just happens to be the codes and locations to our entire nuclear arsenal. Yeah, that's something you want Marwan to get his hands on. While this ep didn't exactly have me on the edge of my seat (it was fairly obvious what was going to happen) there were little lightening bolts along the way. When the flight simulator and plane schematics were found on Anderson's hard drive, I flashed back to the real terrorists of 9/11 (one of the hazards of watching a show like this). And when Chloe said, "We're being beaten by our own technology," I got the chills. Maybe that's why I welcomed the weird drama between Michelle and Tony (one gentle gesture, and he knows she's sleeping with Buchanan?), Audrey and Paul (the minute she told him he was brave, you knew it was over between her and Jack) and my favorite "couple" Chloe and Edgar. She totally saved his butt by taking the blame for the incompatible code. I stand by my theory. Get those two geeks a room! Some complain these stories take away from the true drama. I say we need them, if only as breaks from what could be a very scary reality. — Robin Honig

The Bachelor
OK, for real, do women really act like this? And are guys that worth it? I mean, fine, whatever, Charlie O'Connell (or, "the O.C.," as he's being called in these parts lately) is a good enough time — charming and cute with the right lighting. But come on. He's just a dude. And from all his boozy hookups, I'm starting to think Chuckles ain't really looking for a bride as much as the slutty chick who'd be singing with the band at his wedding. How else do you explain him giving a long, thorny one to Kimberley after she whipped out the big guns in that bikini-top getup? Or sending home the sweet, stalkerish, ill-fated dye-job Megan, but keeping the wretched Krisily around for another week? I'm with exile Kerry. That girl is white trash. And you know where the trash ends up, right? On the curb. Which is where that rose-hungry psycho-ho needs to be kicked to and pronto. It's also time for everyone get off chronic knitter Sarah W.'s back. Maybe she is spending a lot of time with Charlie, but you know what? He's obviously choosing to hang with her, too. Probably because she seems to have an, um... what do you call it? Oh, right. A soul. Sort of like Kara, who I may have to ask out if she keeps being so cute about this whole single motherhood thing. As for the rest, I'm sorry, but even a girl's night slumber party and a few yuks can't soften the hard edges on most of them. Anitra needs to step up or she's gonna be mowed down by her more aggressive housemates. Kindle's better than last week, Jenny seems headed around the beeeyatch bend, and Sarah B. looks too much like a Girls Gone Wild outtake to take seriously. Which I thought was how one is supposed to take the search for a soul mate, right? Just checkin'. Thanks. — Damian J. Holbrook

NCAA Championship
Say what you want about Sean May, Roy Williams and God being a Tar Heels fan because the sky is Carolina blue. My lasting memories of the last three North Carolina basketball titles are the last-minute blunders by Fred Brown, Chris Webber and (their new pal) Luther Head. Three critical, missed three-pointers and an errant pass straight to Raymond Felton, the only Illinois turnover of the second half, advance Luther to the head of this class. Yes, Jim Nantz, apparently everybody really does love Raymond on Monday nights, even the opposing team. Ugh, give Nantz the slightest opening and the minutia (or worse, the CBS references) start to fly.

As much of a maudlin teacher's pet as Nantz can be, can you beat this guy's gig? Call the NCAA Tournament, hop on a plane, then call the Masters three days later. Color me Augusta green with envy. And as sappy a sports celebration as the "One Final Moment" montage is, it sure beats Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore running onto the field to celebrate the Red Sox World Series win, which also took place in St. Louis (that last part was Nantz-like minutia, I apologize).

As for Williams — hold on, I mean Roy, not Marvin, Jawad, Deron, Andy, Anson, Vanessa or any others who happened by last night — way to stay in control during the pregame chat with Bonnie Bernstein! You may recall his aw-shucks demeanor turning aw-bleep! two years ago when talking to Bonnie after losing the title game with Kansas. But now Roy (who bears a striking resemblance to Huckleberry Hound) finally has won the big one, for his alma mater no less. It could take him the entire off-season to answer the congratulatory phone calls from the pedigreed Carolina hoops family. As for Illinois coach Bruce Weber, Monty Hall is on the line; he wants his orange jacket back. — Roger Leister

Fat Actress
Crack is whack. So why would you try to make a whole episode about a family that would rather smoke crack than be overweight? I mean, I get the broad humor that they were going for, but a horny suicidal Kevyn isn't nearly as funny as the annoyingly adorable Kevyn who tries to conduct a drug intervention with Kirstie's crackhead brother. However, the uncomfortable episode did have a couple of redeemable qualities. First, Kirstie's line to her sib who confronts her about her food addiction: "Isn't this the pipe calling the kettle fat?" Second, it was a mini Grease 2 reunion with Connie Stevens and Christopher McDonald. I may be the only person in the world who finds that a positive, but I'm going out on the limb and thinking that I am not alone in knowing the words to "Cool Rider." Plus, in such an off episode, we take our small thrills where we can. — Angel Cohn

Channel Surfing
Those Mean Girls have nothin' on the awful queen bees who make Alexa Vega's life a living hell in Odd Girl Out. Sans all her Spy Kids gadgetry, the tormented teen makes one small misstep and finds herself shunned, bullied and pranked until the formerly good student collapses under the strain. At least the Mean Girls and even those Heathers eventually got what was coming to them; this just has minor public humiliation for the torturers, sadly, there are no hit-by-a-bus endings in a Lifetime drama.... On Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: How'd They Do That?, Preston makes a wooden voodoo doll of Paul in order to get him to work faster. How long until one of those carpenters makes one of Ty and sticks it with pins every time he picks up that megaphone?

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