Featuring some of the most perfect hard bodies ever committed to celluloid, THE DALLAS CONNECTION continues the Sidaris (MALIBU EXPRESS, HARD TICKET TO HAWAII) family tradition of sexploitation action escapism. Without coed Nautilus gyms, this movie would not have been possible.
Prior to a top-secret meeting in Dallas, an assassination team is hired to dispose of scientists on the verge of unleashing a super-radar system capable of detecting buried weapons. After Black Widow (Julie Strain) beds and bumps off Jean-Pierre Le Sage (Alan Krier), South African Peter Vandermere
(William Fain) is purportedly blown up at his ranch by Cobra (Julie K. Smith). Also helping sabotage the radar operation (so private interests can sell the hardware to the highest bidder) is Scorpion (Wendy Hamilton), who makes the final golf game of Hong Kong's Dr. Sun-Hee Wong (Phil Wang) an
To protect the remaining egghead, Dr. Morales (Rodrigo Obregon), American operatives Samantha Marx (Sam Phillips), Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall), and Mark Austin (Mark Barriere) safeguard computer chips belonging to the slain scientists. After the sexy assassins murder the American agents' boss,
drug Chris and Mark to confiscate the computer chips, and kidnap Samantha, Dr. Morales reveals he's the mastermind of the radar weaponry conspiracy.
At the villains' lakeside lair, Mark and Chris dispatch Black Widow's henchmen with the timely aid of Cobra, a double-agent who faked Dr. Vandermere's death. While they flee in a motorboat, Samantha blows Morales and Black Widow to smithereens with a remote control. Using the retrieved computer
chips, Vandermere activates the heralded Dallas Connection to ensure world peace.
As plot-heavy as its cast is top-heavy, the perfect plasticity of THE DALLAS CONNECTION is never marred by any question more probing than: Did the male cast-members have breast implants, too? The audience is happily force-fed dollops of sex and violence until they're immobile from satiation.
Handsomely photographed, this souped-up espionage encourages its cast to camp up the ridiculous screenplay.
Somehow, the Sidaris family (first, the husband-wife team of Andy and Arlene, and now son Drew) has perfected a form of cleavage cinema. As expositionally overwrought as a "Mission Impossible" episode on speed, THE DALLAS CONNECTION zooms along as our onscreen sex surrogates reach climaxes more
often than the plot. It features a memorable line of bad-movie dialogue for connoisseurs: "To be a world-famous scientist and have the body of a greek god... you're just too much, Jean-Pierre."(Violence, nudity, adult situations.)
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- Released: 1994
- Rating: R
- Review: Featuring some of the most perfect hard bodies ever committed to celluloid, THE DALLAS CONNECTION continues the Sidaris (MALIBU EXPRESS, HARD TICKET TO HAWAII) family tradition of sexploitation action escapism. Without coed Nautilus gyms, this movie would… (more)