"If you want to send a message, use Western Union"--an old Hollywood aphorism taken to heart by the creators of TERRORGRAM, a third-class horror anthology, in which visits from a sinister delivery boy set off three unimpressive fright featurettes.
The first tale, the cleverly titled "Heroine Overdose," is the most worthwhile, stuffed full of inside jokes on grade-Z movies. It depicts the world's worst director, Alan Smythee (Jerry Anderson). A drugged-up, toupee-plastered, jewelery-laden little chauvinist, he's plunged into the world of
his own sleazy scripts but with male and female roles reversed. The runty Smythee suffers harrassment from callous policewomen, tough "biker bitches" and female mad slashers, until the rather unsurprising ending.
The remaining two stories are heavy-handed and repetitious. "Pandora" concerns cold-hearted TV anchorwoman Angela Pandorus (Linda Carol Toner), who splatters a kid in a hit-and-run auto accident, then receives a delivery of the bloodstained jack-in-the-box the victim was carrying. Soon the
mutilated boy pops up around her apartment, snarling Freddy Krueger-like wisecracks at the terrified lady. "Veteran's Day" shows that bullying Eric Keller (J.T. Wallace) avoided conscription for the Vietnam War back in 1968, but turned in an antiwar draft-dodger who disappeared in the battle
zones. Twenty years later the hippie returns, a gloppy MIA ghoul who spirits Keller back to 'Nam for a lethal tour of duty, accompanied--yes, another one--by a Freddy Krueger-style running commentary. Filmmaker Stephen Kienzle's debt to the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET series is obvious. A remotely
interesting touch has the three tales slyly referring to each other, such as when "Pandora's" broadcast features the outcomes of "Heroine Overdose" and "Veteran's Day" as news items. TERRORGRAM top-bills an unseen James Earl Jones, as the "Voice of Retribution" who intones an introduction full of
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- Released: 1991
- Rating: R
- Review: "If you want to send a message, use Western Union"--an old Hollywood aphorism taken to heart by the creators of TERRORGRAM, a third-class horror anthology, in which visits from a sinister delivery boy set off three unimpressive fright featurettes. The f… (more)