This incredibly amateurish portmanteau picture that credits no fewer than five directors is primarily cobbled together from parts of three features, two were directed by the stupendously untalented John Carr (and one of them was never finished) and the third by Phillip Marshak, who made 1979's Dracula Sucks with hardcore stars Jamie Gillis, Annette Haven and Reggie Nalder (who may be best known for playing the vampire in the original SALEM'S LOT) hiding behind the pseudonym Detlef van Berg. All were apparently written by veteran screenwriter Philip Yordan, who must have fallen on seriously hard times. They're connected by sequences of God and Satan (both played by veteran actor Ferdy Mayne, though God is credited as "Himself" and Satan as "Lu Cifer") game on a train — the very night train to terror promised by the title — whose only other passengers are a new wave band giving their final performance for a carload of fans. God and Mr. Satan squabble over the fate of mankind, and Mr. Satan finally settles things by pointing out that people will inevitably choose evil over good, because his path "is much more fun. I offer adultery, alcohol, tobacco, cocaine, greed, rape, murder, war... all the fun things. That's why you're losing so many." Oddly, the protagonists of the three stories appear to be having very little fun, with the exception of the last segment's foppish Mr. Hansen. The first tale, assembled from pieces of Carr's never-completed "Scream Your Head Off," involves newlywed Harry Billings (1960s icon John Philip Law) who kills his bride in a car accident on their wedding night. He wakes up in an asylum that doubles as a body-parts warehouse, and Briggs is ordered to kidnap women and bring them back so the insane Otto (Richard Moll, of TV's Night Court) can strip and grope them before cutting them up and hanging their limbs on hooks. Gory and incoherent. In the second, condensed from Carr's 1983 Death Wish Club, pre-med student Glen Marshall (Rick Barnes) falls in love with porn star Gretta (Meridith Haze). They join a death club whose members kill themselves in bizarre ways; the most entertaining scene in the whole awful mess involves death by stop-motion deadly exotic beetle. In the third and final segment, cut down from Marshak's 1980 Cataclysm (also variously released as Satan's Supper, The Nightmare Never Ends and Shiver), a man identified only as "The Lieutenant" (Cameron Mitchell) is hunting the apparently immortal James Hansen (Moll again), playboy author of "God Is Dead." Hansen's swanky home is protected by a stop-motion demon that kills intruders, and Hansen may be the Devil himself, since he has hairy legs like a goat. But it's hard to say for sure. This dreadful cut-and-paste job played the bottom of grindhouse double bills and looked shabby even by those standards.
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- Released: 1985
- Rating: R
- Review: This incredibly amateurish portmanteau picture that credits no fewer than five directors is primarily cobbled together from parts of three features, two were directed by the stupendously untalented John Carr (and one of them was never finished) and the th… (more)