Monster High

  • 1990
  • Movie
  • R
  • Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

Set just a couple of blocks past "the farthest point in the universe," MONSTER HIGH begins in the office of Monster-in-Charge Syridium Damianus Hectophantasmigona, a faceless being with gangster mannerisms. Checking a list of planets scheduled for destruction, he finds Earth's demise has been mysteriously postponed. A video reveals that Mr. Armageddon,...read more

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Set just a couple of blocks past "the farthest point in the universe," MONSTER HIGH begins in the office of Monster-in-Charge Syridium Damianus Hectophantasmigona, a faceless being with gangster mannerisms. Checking a list of planets scheduled for destruction, he finds Earth's demise has

been mysteriously postponed. A video reveals that Mr. Armageddon, who had responsibility for the Earth project, was being punished for his incompetence when two "skinheads" from the planet Polyester nabbed him, believing him to be a secret weapon. Landing on Earth outside Montgomery-Sterling High

School at night, the pair inadvertently release Armageddon (David Marriott), who turns out to be a foppish demon in a purple lame jacket--a combination of George Sanders, Shadoe Stevens, and Satan. The next day Armageddon works his evil mischief among the stereotypical high schoolers, suffocating

the class stud inside a condom, merging a computer nerd with his PC, and chasing the skirt of French exchange student Candice Cain (Diana Frank). "He's not only ending the world, he's hitting on girls!" exclaims average teen Norm Median (Dean Iandoli), selected by Armageddon as the official

prophet of doom. Soon night falls ("Clunk" goes the soundtrack), and, with time running out for planet Earth, Norm tries a desperate gambit: he challenges the forces of evil to a basketball game, to decide the fate of the planet in a sporting fashion. Armageddon accepts, and the "Game of the

Millennium" begins. Representing the Earth are the high school's undefeated hoopsters, the Blue Demons, while the "visitors" comprise Armageddon, the skinheads, and assorted zombies and fiends. It's a close game, with the monsters maintaining a steady lead but being ejected one by one every time

they kill and/or mutilate a Blue Demon. Finally, the game boils down to a one-on-one contest between Norm and Armageddon. As time runs out, the teen snatches the ball and takes a long shot that hovers on the rim for such an absurdly long time that it almost makes up for the bad jokes that have

preceded it. At last it drops in. The Earth is safe; Norm gets another shot, this time with the lovely Candice; and the Monster-in-Charge obliterates Armageddon, concluding, "Never hire a relative!".

When MONSTER HIGH concentrates on parodying horror films, it delivers some inspired spoofing (one character sits bolt upright in bed again and again in a neat burlesque of the cheap it-was-only-a-nightmare motif). Regrettably, the bulk of the film isn't that focused. Instead, it is a vulgar

hodgepodge that too often relies on dimwitted teen-comedy formulas, with the usual cast of jocks, slobs, potheads, and preppies, and a plethora of ethnic slurs. Director Rudiger Poe overloads the soundtrack with rap music, flashes bare breasts on the screen, and even quotes Dylan Thomas, and the

result is indulgent goonery--none of which is very funny. Presented with one-dimensional characters, the actors are able to do little more than pose. So electronically modulated is Marriott's voice that one hardly comprehends his Mr. Armageddon; however, the other special effects are adequate, and

often clever. The film's musical selections are also typically loopy, as you might guess from titles like "Monster High Theme Song" ("Heads are lopping/But we're all bopping") and "You're So Glam It Hurts." (Graphic violence, profanity, nudity, sexual situations, substance abuse.)

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  • Released: 1990
  • Rating: R
  • Review: Set just a couple of blocks past "the farthest point in the universe," MONSTER HIGH begins in the office of Monster-in-Charge Syridium Damianus Hectophantasmigona, a faceless being with gangster mannerisms. Checking a list of planets scheduled for destruct… (more)

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