It took a century of innovation in the field of cinematic special effects, but finally the head of Marlon Wayans could be successfully grafted onto the body of a baby. Too bad this astonishing technological feat couldn't have been in service of something grander than a painfully idiotic remake of the classic Chuck Jones cartoon in which Bugs Bunny unknowingly adopts Babyface Finster, the pint-sized gangster who's disguised himself as a baby. In a nod to this otherwise unacknowledged source, Wayans plays Calvin "Babyface" Sims, a teeny-weeny ex-con who's nearly nabbed for stealing the humongous "Queen's Diamond" from a jewelry store on behalf of Chicago mobster Walken (Chazz Palminteri). With the cops hot on their heels, Calvin and his partner, aspiring hard-core rapper Percy P (SNL's Tracy Morgan), duck into a drugstore. Calvin slips the diamond into the bag of unsuspecting Vanessa Edwards (Kerry Washington), an ambitious business executive who's arguing with her husband, Darryl (Shawn Wayans), about his desperate desire to be a father: Vanessa isn't ready to give up a successful career in order to stay home and play mommy. Once they return to the lovely home they share with Vanessa's crotchety father, Pops (John Witherspoon), Calvin must find a way to sneak inside and retrieve the diamond. Percy P comes up with a plan: He'll dress Calvin up as a baby and leave him on the Edwards' doorstep in a basket, with a note asking Vanessa and Darryl to take good care of this abandoned infant. Darryl is thrilled and convinces Vanessa to keep the baby until the children's0services office reopens on Monday morning. Pops, however, isn't so sure: What kind of baby has a tattoo on his forearm, the bridgework of a 40-year-old and a shiv scar on his belly? It takes the next 90 minutes for this mess to resolve itself, during which time "baby" Calvin drives a car, wipes one of Pops' cookies on his bum, hits Darryl in the 'nads more times than anyone can count and gets Vanessa pregnant (that's right, pregnant). None of this is entirely without a heartwarming message, but like the recent WAIST DEEP (2006), it's rooted in the assumption that at least half its target audience is made up of potential deadbeat dads who need to be apprised of the downside of abandoning their kids. And there's also a message for you ladies out there: Whatever fulfillment you might think you're finding in the workplace is nothing compared to what you'll experience as a stay-at-home wife and mother. --Ken Fox
