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Diamonds

[1999, Movie]

Diamonds: Review

Call me madam: Lauren Bacall and Kirk Douglas

Yes it's painfully corny and surprisingly vulgar, but this embarrassing attempt at a father-son heart-warmer just happens to feature two Hollywood legends, and they're both in terrific form. That alone is enough to spare the film the obscurity it otherwise deserves. Once known as the "Polish Prince" for his prowess in the boxing ring, Harry Agensky (Kirk Douglas) now spends his days in British Columbia, recovering from the stroke that has impaired his speech but not his zest for life. Determined not to wind up in some old-folks home, Harry convinces his son Lance (Dan Aykroyd) and 15-year-old grandson Michael (Corbin Allred) to drive him down to Reno, where he insists he once stashed a passel of "magic diamonds" in the wall of an old house. In hopes of finally winning his father's approval, Lance decides to humor the old man, and the three generations of Agensky men hit the road for an adventure that eventually leaves them on the doorstep of a Nevada bordello ranch operated by legendary madam Sin-Dee (Lauren Bacall). The pleasure of seeing Douglas and Bacall sharing the screen for the first time since YOUNG MAN WITH A HORN (1950) is enormous, second only to the sight of Douglas looking so hale and hearty just three years after suffering a debilitating stroke. His performance truly is inspiring -- the Polish Prince's heavy Eastern-European accent helps mask his slurred speech, and is one of the film's few good ideas -- and Bacall is as radiant as ever. Too bad the rest of the film, which is rife with wince-inducing dialogue ("Grandpa, you da man!" is a recurring refrain) and questionable situations (a 15-year-old and a prostitute?), should be so entirely unworthy of their talents. --Ken Fox