Claire Underwood's cold and manipulative ways reach a new level during this weird, sordid power play with her longtime friend and employee Steve. After his deathbed confession that he's always been in love with Claire and hates her husband Frank, she cruelly recounts Frank's proposal in great detail while reaching under Steve's hospital gown to give him a good ol' fashioned rub-and-tug. His look of horror matches our own.

What's worse than being caught in the middle of a romp by your partner's significant other? Being forced to continue performing at gunpoint while said significant other stuffs his other hand down his pants. The pervert probably deserved the fatal bloody beating he later received at Dunn Purnsley's hands.

While there's probably no such thing as good prison sex, Daya's broom-closet tryst with Pornstache is especially vile. Although she's trying to frame Pornstache for rape to protect herself, John and their unborn baby, the look on Pornstache's face proves he's a little too into it. Worse? She has to do it all over again once she realizes he wore a condom. We're still shuddering.

Seemingly fearful of being in a "normal" relationship, Adam forces new flame Natalia to crawl on all fours to his bedroom, where he engages in rough sex that clearly makes her uncomfortable. He then, ahem, finishes on her chest, perhaps trying to scare her away for good. Sure would have worked on us!

If it seems too good to be true in Westeros, it's actually... horrific! Poor Theon Greyjoy wakes from his torture-induced stupor in a dungeon, where he's fawned over by two lovely vixens who promptly disrobe and writhe on him. The randy fool manages to rise to the occasion only to realize his torturer, with the aid of a knife, has other, less-than-pleasurable plans for Theon's little soldier. Ouch!

Don Draper never leaves well enough alone. After escaping a season-long affair with his neighbor Sylvia without getting caught, Don reunites with her for one last round of sweaty afternoon delight. One problem: The coitus is interrupted when the lovers are discovered by Don's oh-so-innocent daughter Sally. And you thought Sally needed therapy before!

Mindy's plans to hook up with midwife Brendan are derailed at every turn. First, her ardor is literally doused when she is trapped in his creepy, HAL-like, automated shower fully clothed. Although she recoups, the mood is completely killed when Nurse Morgan shows up unannounced with pizza and later has a raging asthma attack. We're pretty sure that's not the kind of heavy breathing she had in mind.

Given Brody's history, we weren't surprised at the intensity of this quick and dirty gruntfest at a CIA safehouse. But the disturbingly kinky part? Carrie's extra-vocal enjoyment, even though she knows the entire thing is likely being overheard and recorded by her colleagues. Yes, Saul, we feel your pain.

The Good Wife knows how to do a sex scene, but the envelope-pushing drama left viewers ice-cold when Kalinda's estranged husband Nick skipped straight to dessert by putting his hand up Kalinda's skirt in a busy ice cream parlor. After Kalinda insults Nick's handiwork, he spitefully shoves his dirty fingers in her cone. No seconds for us, thanks.

When Gillian visits Jimmy at Princeton, their evening, like many nights of drunken college revelry, ends with a hop in the sack. There's just one problem: She's his mom.

We didn't think Season 6 of Dexter could get any worse — but Deb fell in love with her adopted sibling Dexter, as this creepy dream sequence demonstrated. We pray that nightmare doesn't come true in Season 7.

Being held in captivity for eight years clearly stripped away Sgt. Nicholas Brody's humanity. How else to explain this cold, violent gruntfest with his wife Jessica?

As a vulnerable Hannah recounts her devastation at having lost both her parents' financial support and her job, her on-again, off-again friend with benefits tunes her out and positions her body for sex. "Grab your legs," he says. "OK, this is good. I'm going to go get some lube. When I get back, I want you to be in the exact same position, but take all the rest of the sh—off." Ah, romance!

Teresa Giudice and her husband enjoy a visit to a vineyard a little too much, getting it on between the grapes even though their friends are nearby. We know wine leads to bad decisions, but these grapes were extra sour.

When Frank Gallagher learns that a former friend from the bar has both a pension and a weak ticker, he derails her life-saving transplant and then literally sleeps with her until her heart gives out. Talk about being heartless!

Bill's blind devotion to the literally dripping-in-blood vampire god/fallacy Lilith comes to its apex when he drinks her blood and has graphic, hallucinatory sex with Salome, during which his partner shape-shifts into both sweet, innocent Sookie and the blood-soaked curves of Lilith. All we could think about was that dry-cleaning bill.

Why do we hate this scene so much? It's not because our beloved Joanie prostituted herself to become a partner of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and land the Jaguar account. It's that she did all of those things with a fat, grabby sleazeball with big, hairy manboobs. Yeah, it's definitely the manboobs.

Perhaps still feeling guilty for cheating on his wife, Ben Harmon punctuates a feverish self-abuse sesh with a particularly ugly cry. Guess we should have known from the very start that this horror story wouldn’t have a "happy ending."

Ex-slave Ashur acts like he inherited the gladiator-training ludus from murdered dominus Batiatus and proceeds to rape widowed domina Lucretia as part of the spoils. Things get worse when he makes Lucretia wear a red wig (one of Batiatus' faves) and forces her to call him "dominus" whilst he violates her.

Louie's blind date offers him oral service, but he balks when she wants reciprocation. What does she do? She mounts him and "makes him." We were just as scarred as Louie obviously was.

Why do the ladies find King Joffrey so sexy? Is it the boy king's platinum blond hair? His power? No, it must be his penchant for forcing them to act out his sadist-sexual desires at crossbow-point.

Not every woman was happy to see her man come home from the Civil War. When Bill Paxton's believed-dead Randall McCoy returns to his far-from-blushing bride, she agrees to give him some loving — but only on her terms. "I'm prepared to do my duty as your wife, but I ask that you spill your seed outside of me," she says before he collapses in tears. She's a charmer!

Ed and Sarah's drunken trip to the Boom Boom Room yielded strange noises and even stranger pillow talk. "Does that look like a pickle? Flying pickle!" the wannabe Casanova exclaimed.

Paralyzed by her fear of her meth-dealing husband, Skyler can only cringe as Walt kisses and gropes her, all while hissing twisted rationalizations for his corrupt actions. "When we do what we do for good reasons, then we've got nothing to worry about," he says. "And there's no better reason than family." Not hot.

Jess' attempt to spice up her boring relationship is fairly PG, but yikes, is it awkward! She strips down and does a sexy, dorky dance that involves a banana tree and an oversized pillow. It's all very cute, actually, until Spencer's barely-dressed other woman comes out of the bedroom to see what kind of woman scores her striptease with her own theme song. It's Jess!

Nothing's worse than finally hooking up with that hot guy from high school only to discover that he's now a minivan-driving dad with old sandwiches and Cheerios all over the back seat. Being a homewrecker is always a sticky wicket, but in this case it's just plain sticky.

Free from her fuddy-duddy ex-husband, Tamra kicks off the Bravo reality show's last season by inviting new boyfriend Eddie into a steamy bubble bath. We could only think one thing: Aren't her kids going to see this? Even Eddie seemed to think twice, as he took the time to chug a glass of wine before taking the (almost porn-y) plunge.

Seriously, these people know there are cameras around, right? Ramona rents a hotel, dons her sexiest negligee, sprinkles rose petals on the bed, and, of course, slurps down a few glasses of pinot grigio while waiting for her husband Mario to arrive. As if her come-hither pose wasn't enough to send him running, she then oils Mario up for the most awkward (and from where we're sitting, painful) back and foot massage ever. Thank goodness there wasn't a happy ending.

After Susan's kidney transplant, her doctor forbids her from having sex for six weeks. During this dry spell, her hormones — and guilt — act up in an unusual way. After Paul Young donates his dead wife's kidney to Susan, she starts having really raunchy dreams about him, including this super-creepy shower scene. (Don't the producers know the rules for shower sex?)

Jeremy Irons reminds us why people wore bulky robes in the 15th century. As Rodrigo Borgia (aka Pope Alexander VI), he uses shrewd scheming and power to lure a bevy of beauties to his bed chamber. We've heard of sleeping your way to the top, but sleeping your way to heaven? Not so much.

Two good-looking people getting it on should be a visual treat for cable viewers, but not so when Queen Cersei cheats on her husband by doing the deed with her own twin brother Jaime Lannister. Sorry, but twincest trumps all when it comes to the icky taboos. You used to live in the same womb! We felt chills multiplying, and it had nothing to do with that infamous winter coming.

Starved for attention from Don, Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) fell for one of the most unsettling pickup lines ever: "I want to take you into that bedroom, lock the door, throw you on the bed, take off your clothes with my teeth and give you a go-round like you've never had." It might not have been so bad if it didn’t come from Duck (Mark Moses), who just seemed off. (Duck confirmed our suspicions a year later by trying to defecate in another man's chair.)

On an episode titled "Bottoms Up," peer pressure from the boys convinced E. to ask Sloan to try a particular sexual position after she learned of his interest in it by reading the search history on his laptop. Things didn't go well.

HBO's vampire drama has become more dependent on shock-and-awe cliff-hangers than engaging plots. Case in point: This disturbing, angry encounter at the end of Season 3's third episode. Bill (Stephen Moyer) was baited into having sex with his maker, Lorena (Mariana Klaveno). But to avoid looking at her, he twisted her head around 180 degrees. Shock and awful.

Though Abigail Adams (Laura Linney) was tender as could be when removing the powdered wig of her husband (Paul Giamatti), their reunion after an eight-year separation quickly turned into a sloppy, Colonial-style gruntfest.

This encounter was literally stomach-turning. David Duchovny and Paula Marshall learned the hard way that vomit can be an unfortunate side effect of bumping uglies while stoned. Or in their minds, a hilarious one.

There's plenty to say about this scene, but our lawyers won't allow it. We will say the most frightening part of Rosie and Julian's fling (which she paid $400,000 fo) is her constant babbling. ("Do you have any mac and cheese?") Let's not even think about the dirty talk.