Worst GagNot everything Matt Damon-centric is gold tonight. When Melissa McCarthy and Jimmy Fallon take the stage to present, the late-night host spins out an elaborate tale about how McCarthy accidentally got brained by a sandbag backstage, and as result, thinks she's Damon. Unfortunately, the joke falls flat. No more half-hearted impersonations for you, McCarthy!

Accepting the award for Best Actor in a Drama Movie for his role in Dallas Buyers Club, Matthew McConaughey opens his speech with "All right, all right, all right," sounding a lot like Wooderson, the slacker character he played in Dazed and Confused. "I'm really glad it got passed on so many times, otherwise it wouldn't have come to me," McConaughey says of his turn as AIDS patient Ron Woodruff. "This film was never about dyin', it was always about livin'."

When Bono accepts the Best Song award for Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom on behalf of U2, he honors the late, great Nelson Mandela. "[Mandela] was a man who refused to hate because he thought love would do a better job. We wrote a love song ... you know the global statesman, but you don't know about the man."

American Hustle wins the award for Best Musical or Comedy Film, making it the most victorious movie of the night (with three awards) and possibly solidifying its chances as an Oscar front-runner. The cast and crew probably should have let Jennifer Lawrence handle acceptance speech duties, however, since she's an old pro by this point and the comments from producer Charles Roven were fairly snooze-worthy. Maybe they used up all their juice on the film's hair?

Although there's never enough time to thank everyone involved with the making of a movie, the cast of the Best Movie Drama 12 Years a Slave do their best. When director Steve McQueen's memory falters in his thank-you speech, he asks for help, and various actors on stage chime in to add a few of the forgotten names. Now that's how you collaborate (and make a Golden Globe-winning movie)!

Maybe Brooklyn Nine-Nine executive producer Dan Goor should just follow his star Andy Samberg's lead and call everybody "awesome" when his show wins Best Comedy or Musical Series. Although Goor initially has the presence of mind to kiss up to Fox's Chairman of Entertainment Kevin Reilly, he then makes a few thank-you missteps. First he calls his 2 1/2-year-old son a "nightmare," and then concludes his speech with this confession: "I also went to med school and I decided to do this. This is way, way better than saving a human life!" Let's hope everyone forgets he said that — STAT!

When Michael Douglas wins for Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie for his role in HBO's Behind the Candelabra, he once again takes the opportunity to credit his co-star Matt Damon for the win. "I really want to acknowledge Matt Damon, the bravest, talented actor I've ever worked with," Douglas says. "The only reason you're not here is that I had more sequins." He does not, however, call Damon a garbage person!

After receiving four previous nominations for playing a teacher-turned-meth chemist, Bryan Cranston finally clinches the Best Actor in a TV Drama win for Breaking Bad. "It's such a lovely way to say goodbye to a show that meant so much to me ... I'm grateful it resonated with the American audience, and now... everyone around the world can share in Breaking Bad's mirth and merriment." R.I.P., Walt!

Wolf of Wall Street co-stars Margot Robbie and Jonah Hill are in for a surprise when they take to the stage only to find that the TelePrompTer is showing the dialogue for the next set of presenters, Paula Patton and Aaron Eckhart. The two gamely play along though, with Hill explaining the problem to the audience while first-time presenter Robbie quips, "Maybe it was a joke that they do on rookies." Fortunately, the mishap is quickly remedied when the correct copy is handed to them. Whew! Crisis averted.

Jennifer Lawrence's charming nature rears its adorable head again when she accepts the Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture award for her role in American Hustle. Her voice is shaking so much that it's clear she's nervous. "I don't know why it's so terrifying [because] it's a good thing," she says while gasping for breath. "I'm sorry I'm shaking so much. Don't ever do this again. Thank you!"

Although the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has a history of giving love to newbies, it's still surprising that Andy Samberg wins Best Comedy Actor for his role on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. "You guys, the Globes, right? Who knew?" he says, in as much shock as the audience. The Saturday Night Live alum is clearly not prepared with a speech and therefore proceeds to blanket-thank pretty much everyone. "The cast is awesome," he says. "I love and respect them." If only he had time to express his gratitude in Digital Short form!

Paula Patton hits the stage wearing a form-fitting white gown adorned with a larger-than-life ruffle monster that appears to be attacking her. (This is what happens when a designer looks to a can of Reddi-Wip for design inspiration.)

After it's revealed that Jonah Hill used a prosthetic penis in The Wolf of Wall Street, winner Jared Leto makes sure to point out that he went au naturel in Dallas Buyers Club. "I did not use any prosthetics in this film; that tiny Brazilian bubble butt was mine," he says, pointing out that he waxed his entire body, including his eyebrows for the role. "I was just fortunate it was a period piece so I didn't have to go full Brazilian." Yikes.

Bottoms up, shoes off! Emma Thompson clomps up onto the stage holding a martini in one hand and her Christian Louboutins in the other to present the award for Best Screenplay. "This red is my blood," she quips about the shoes' signature red soles. Swirling her drink around, Thompson tosses the shoes aside to grab the envelope from Miss Golden Globe Sosie Bacon to announce Spike Jonze as the winner for Her. Oh Golden Globes, you know how to keep the actors liquored-up and loose.

There is no denying that Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical frontrunner Cate Blanchett is talented, but her acceptance speeches need work. Although she gets a laugh after admitting she visited Magic Castle ("and I thought that was weird," she says) she ends on a sour note, referencing late actress Judy Garland being plied with barbituates. Like Blanchett's Blue Jasmine character, perhaps she'd be better off without a few vodkas under her belt?

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler kick off their second time hosting the Golden Globes by taking no prisoners. Pointing out the high-caliber actors in attendance this year around, Poehler tells Matt Damon that he's basically a "garbage person" in comparison to those around him. When they call out Julia Louis-Dreyfus for opting to sit with the movie nominees rather than her TV people, the camera cuts to the sunglasses-wearing Veep star turning down Reese Witherspoon for a selfie while puffing away on an e-cigarette. But the joke made at the expense of serial dater George Clooney definitely wins the night. "Gravity, the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age," Fey says.

Host Amy Poehler finally wins a major award, taking home the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Comedy Series. "I've never won anything like this," Poehler says after only moments earlier getting a rub down from Bono while the nominees were announced and full-on sucking face with him when she wins. "I'm just so thrilled to be part of this evening. I never win, so I can't believe I won." Only one person is not happy for Poehler. "There's a special place in hell for you," Tina Fey tells her co-host.

Emma Stone presents the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Woody Allen, introducing a highlight reel of some of his most well-known films from the past several decades. But the notoriously awards-averse director is not in the audience, and so his frequent collaborator Diane Keaton accepts the award on his behalf. The actress reads a statement from Allen and offers some of her own touching remarks, putting the censors to the test again by noting: "If Woody saw this, he'd say, 'Get the hook and get her off the god--..." [the audio cut out here for a few seconds]. Keaton concludes her speech by singing the classic Girl Scouts song "Make New Friends" a cappella.

Moments after star Bryan Cranston picks up the award for Best Actor in a TV Drama, Breaking Bad nabs the award for Best TV Drama. "The best thing about this I think is that it gives all the people up here ... one more chance to thank the fans of the show, especially the early adopters," creator Vince Gilligan says, before handing the mic over to star Aaron Paul to give the only appropriate response to the victory: "Yeah, b----!" We'll miss you, Jesse Pinkman.

Um ... what? When Jacqueline Bisset wins Best Supporting Actress honors for the TV movie Dancing on the Edge, we're hoping she just didn't expect to win and thus didn't have a speech prepared, because this is really something else. After an endless walk to the stage, Bisset, 69, takes an uncomfortably long time to collect her thoughts, noting that the HFPA has nominated her "about five times" and calling out to Chiwetel Ejiofor in the audience for inspiration. "I'm sorry, I'm going to get this together," she eventually promises — but doesn't deliver. During the rambling speech that ensues, the orchestra tries to play Bisset off, but she ignores them. The censors also backfire, cutting out a large chunk of Bisset's speech and re-starting the audio just in time to catch her saying "sh--." At least all the other winners know what not to do from here on out!