Patient: Ty Murray Injury: Bloody eye after getting struck by a microphone pack. Severity: Low. He rides bulls, remember? He's seen it all. No pun intended. Result: Eliminated Week 10.

Patient: Melissa Rycroft Injury: Hairline fracture in rib. Severity: Medium. She missed a show, but came back with a vengeance the following week, nabbing a 30 for her samba. Result: Third place.

Patient: Jewel Injury: Fractured tibia in both legs. Severity: High. Though she dubbed it a "minor" setback at first, Jewel was eventually forced to withdraw. Result: Withdrew before premiere.

Patient: Holly Madison Injury: Experienced pain in her side. Severity: Low. She does not have a broken rib and remained in the competition. Result: Eliminated Week 4.

Patient: Steve Wozniak Injury: Fractured foot prior to premiere; pulled hamstring in Week 3. Severity: Medium. The Apple whiz was injured before the premiere, but cha-cha-ed to a 13. "If the pain gets worse than before, I'm going to do the right thing," he said. Result: Eliminated Week 4.

Patient: Steve-O Injury: Pinched nerves and spasms in back. Severity: High. A physical therapist said "everything's messed up" and the Jackass missed his second performance completely, but he managed to stay in the game. Result: Eliminated Week 6.

Patient: Gilles Marini Injury: Tendonitis in shoulder and groin; separated shoulder. Severity: Medium. He was "confident" he'd be ready for the premiere after the tendonitis diagnosis and went on to top the standings with a 24. Now that's what you call cojones. But will his separated shoulder see him plummet from first to last? Result: TBD.

Patient: Nancy O'Dell Injury: Tore meniscus while rehearsing salsa. Severity: High. Ever the optimist, O'Dell told TVGuide.com before seeing the doctor that she hoped she just strained her knee. She didn't and, like Jewel, was forced to withdraw prior to the premiere. Result: Withdrew before premiere.

Patient: Kim Kardashian Injury: Cut foot on broken glass prior to premiere. Severity: Low. Doctors cleared her to compete. But she might as well have blamed her lackluster bootyshaking on it. Who knew Cloris Leachman could move better? Result: Eliminated Week 2.

Patient: Jeffrey Ross Injury: Scratched cornea, courtesy of partner Edyta Sliwinska. Did she plan it? Severity: Low. Dude's got another eye. And he wore a rhinestone-studded eye patch. Result: Eliminated first.

Patient: Karina Smirnoff Injury: Ankle during Week 1. Severity: Low. She performed with her ankle fully wrapped. Result: Eliminated Week 4.

Patient: Misty May-Treanor Injury: Tore Achilles tendon during Week 3. Severity: High. Thanks to incessant repeats, we all know what an Achilles tendon rupturing sounds like, not to mention the screams of agony that result from it. Result: Withdrew Week 3.

Patient: Derek Hough Injury: Head. He knocked himself out on Week 3. Severity: Low. He was cleared to compete after being rushed to the hospital. Result: Champion.

Patient: Susan Lucci Injury: Sprained ankle during Week 5. Severity: Medium. She performed with her ankle wrapped, but it was later revealed she fractured two bones in her right foot. Of course, with her tentative, lifeless way across the hardwood, you never noticed an injury. Result: Eliminated Week 7.

Patient: Brooke Burke Injury: Bruised foot during Week 5, perhaps in an attempt to appear less than super-human. Severity: Zip. She got two 10s. And she won the damn thing. Result: Champion.

Patient: Julianne Hough Injury: Had stomach pains during Week 5 and was diagnosed with endometriosis, which fellow pro Lacey Schwimmer later revealed she, too, has. Severity: High. She required surgery and somehow managed to return two weeks later. Are we sure there was an operation? Result: Eliminated Week 9.

Patient: Lance Bass Injury: Toe during Week 7. Severity: Low. Bass performed shoeless, ironically. Result: Third place.

Patient: Maurice Greene Injury: Hyper-extended leg during the group paso doble on Week 7. Severity: Low. Champions never say die. He placed second for the night. Result: Eliminated the following week.

Patient: Karina Smirnoff Injury: Herniated disc in neck pre-premiere that required surgery. Severity: Medium, for her at least. She returned in a neck brace, and she and Mario picked up right where they left off with their cha-cha. What's a little bit of neck surgery when the Mirror Ball trophy is on the line? Result: Eliminated Week 8.

Patient: Derek Hough Injury: Neck during Week 3 and food poisoning during Week 5. Severity: Medium. He sat out the routine he was to have performed with sis Julianne and BFF Mark Ballas on the results show after his neck injury. Two weeks later, he was taken to the hospital after downing a disagreeable protein shake in the morning but returned in time to samba with Shannon Elizabeth. Result: Eliminated Week 7.

Patient: Kristi Yamaguchi Injury: Ankle during Week 4. Severity: Zip. Like Burke, she won the damn thing. Was she trying to psyche out her competition? Result: Champion.

Patient: Cristian de la Fuente Injury: Ruptured tendon in left bicep during Week 7. Severity: High (on the WTF?! scale). He couldn't finish his samba and required surgery... which he put off for three weeks and change to continue Dancing. If that's not prioritizing, we don't know what is. Result: Third place.

Patient: Jane Seymour Injury: Food poisoning during Week 6. Severity: High. Dr. Quinn couldn't cure herself in time for the results show. Lame, Seymour, lame. Derek showed up and danced. Result: Eliminated the following week.

Patient: Mark Ballas Injury: Dislocated left shoulder on finale results show during cha-cha with then-love Sabrina Bryan. Severity: High. Trooper that he is, Ballas finished the dance and was immediately rushed to the hospital, missing the rest of the show. Result: He and Bryan were shockingly eliminated on Week 6.

Patient: Marie Osmond Injury: Fainted while receiving critique for her samba during Week 5. Severity: High (on the WTF?! scale). Though she was ultimately OK, Osmond's kerplunk on live television sent producers scrambling to cut to an impromptu commercial break and cynics running conspiracy theories as to the veracity of her breathlessness. She did come to, like, a minute later. Result: Third place to the chagrin of millions not part of Osmond Nation. Curiously enough from what we can tell, there weren't any injuries prior to her dramatic fainting spell. Take from that what you will.