May 24, 2007: Throw Your Horns Up High!
Tons of kids wearing black and metal horns high. It's the
VH1 Rock Honors baby, yeah!
Right now, my iPod is filled with nothing but '80s music and metal. So naturally, the second annual Rock Honors was highly anticipated in the Steed household. Over the past week, I've closed my eyes to not read any reviews of the show by critics who've never gotten near a ZZ Top album. So what you read below is my opinion only.
Hell, yeah!!!
That phrase could describe many points during the night, so let's run it down from the beginning.
I hate
Nickelback! I think they are the absolute bottom of the barrel, the point at which all bad music is judged. The Mendoza Line of the music world. Naturally then, you can probably understand that when they opened this broadcast my horns slithered away. But - and Lord, forgive me for saying this, but I promise this will be the only time - Nickelback actually rocked. D'oh. Making that statement almost makes me vomit, but it's true. Their performance of "Sharp Dressed Man" was not only good, it might have been really good! Maybe it's because they had to play something other than the melody used in every one of their own songs, but Chad and the boys ripped through this something fierce. Did you notice the clear guitar, too? Me likey.
That leads into
Billy Bob Thornton introducing one of the best blues-rock bands on earth, the men in
ZZ Top. Even at age 112 these guys still look and sound awesome. I love how their early tunes still hold up against the later period tracks. They really hit their stride as the little blues band from Texas back in 1972 or so with their second record,
Rio Grande Mud and continued putting out quality tunes until at least
Recycler in 1990. You can listen to the heavy blues of 1973's "La Grange" or "Tush" from 1975, and those tracks still mingle well with others, like the slicker "Gimme All Your Lovin'" from 1983. The look and the performance is the draw though. I mean, c'mon man, the beards! Those memorable distinctive beards and the way Billy and Dusty play off each other as they trade duelin' riffs up and down the stage is awesome. And it's not a vintage rock and roll show without someone bringing out the dancing girls in cages! You know, too - I never get tired of the irony that the only one that doesn't sport that beard is the drummer, Frank Beard.
Next up is the awesome,
Heart. Cameron Diaz (or her speech writer) summed them up well, as having a "ballsy feminine touch." To me, it's really a shame that Heart doesn't get mentioned a whole lot when people talk about the great rock bands from the '70s. Zeppelin, Skynyrd, AC/DC, etc... always get mentioned and I'm not saying they don't deserve to be, but bands like
Cheap Trick and Heart need to be put in this group
regularly as well. Now, I was born in 1976 so the first thing I remember from Heart was "These Dreams," which isn't bad, but has very little to do with "Barracuda." But, it got me to go back and listen to
Dreamboat Annie and
Little Queen, and what I found were two ladies that could rock the house down. You heard them on this, playing "Straight On" and "Crazy on You." Ann may not look the way she used to, but she still has the chops and Nancy has always been a firecracker. These are two ladies that will kick ass and take names. "Crazy on You" was the best performance from one of the honorees. Nancy's work on the acoustic was stellar. But I was also very impressed by Alice in Chains with Gretchen Wilson, doing "Barracuda." I knew Alice in Chains was a brilliant band, and they recreated those power riffs flawlessly. What I didn't know was that Gretchen Wilson could belt out a metal tune like that. (You can call it rock, but "Barracuda" has some heavy, heavy metal riffs in it). She's not really my cup of tea normally, but give me that any day. Put that out as a single and that hits the top of the rock charts.
It's hard for me to even know where to start with
Genesis. They are one of my favorite bands of all time. My wife loves them and most
Phil Collins, too. Heck, our first dance at our wedding was to Phil's "A Groovy Kind of Love." And I love early Genesis with Peter and late period with Phil (let's not even talk about that "Congo" thing; that's late, late period). My third favorite album ever is the prog-rock masterpiece
The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, and one of my favorite musical moments ever is the part in "Mama" where Phil goes "Ha Ha, Heh." Anyway, the introduction from Evangelist Williams was really funny. Lines like, "They had more hits than Willie Mays or Willie Nelson on a good weekend," or "
Peter Gabriel decided to stop dressing like vegetables" had me in stitches.
Keane started the Genesis segment off with "That's All" and it wasn't bad, but it's really hard for me to hear that with someone other than Phil singing. He has such a distinctive voice that anyone else just doesn't do the trick. "Turn It on Again" was a nice choice for Genesis to start with, as Mike Rutherford got some good rock licks in on his guitar. The bit where Phil went back to his drums was relatively useless, though, as he played the same beats as the other drummer. I'm supposing that we missed something that was edited out of the broadcast, because I can't see them setting up the drum kit for the 20 seconds Phil was on them. The other song choice is a little curious, as "No Son of Mine" isn't the most rockin' tune in the world. It's a great song, but this was the
Rock Honors. Then again, I don't picture most of my favorite rockers sporting dockers and loafers, either. I was intrigued by the camera panning to a girl in the audience that was dancing crazily to this tune. She must have been singing "Invisible Touch" in her head, because she wasn't listening to Phil, Mike and Tony up there. A little disappointed in Genesis, I must admit, despite the fact that I enjoy their entire catalog.
Finally, we have the Prince of Darkness,
Ozzy. I wonder what the majority of the crowd was thinking when Jada Pinkett-Smith got up there to introduce him. I mean this is the girl that gets jiggy wit it on a regular basis. But, Jada does believe she's a rocker chick at heart, as she fronts a metal group called
Wicked Wisdom, which she happily plugged. (BTW, I dare you to sit through just one Wicked Wisdom song in full. What a miserable train-wreck of a band). First up is the tribute from
Queens of the Stone Age doing "Paranoid." This bugs the crap out of me. Really. The show is not honoring Black Sabbath. They are honoring Ozzy. Of course, you certainly can't discredit the work he did with them because it's absolutely brilliant, but I really think one of his solo songs should have been performed. Maybe "Bark at the Moon" or "Perry Mason." It makes sense for a band with such stoner rock roots as QOTSA to cover "Paranoid," but it's the wrong place and time in my opinion.
Ozzy follows that up with his new single "I Don't Wanna Stop" and an awesome, as usual, version of "Crazy Train." You have to love the guy for what he's brought to metal, but at this point and time, he's held up by his guitarist
Zakk Wylde. Wylde is one of the best shredders around and his trademark sick-sounding guitar wobble is what gets Ozzy by these days. (I certainly have to give some credit to his drummer, former Faith No More beat maker, Mike Bordin). "I Don't Wanna Stop" is a decent song, but Ozzy's lyrics are remarkably cheesy. It's the nonstop riffage throughout that song that makes it so appealing. I hate saying anything negative about the Ozzman, though, because he's a classic. But, it is what it is.
So there it is, the 2007
VH1 Rock Honors in a nutshell. Let me know what you think. I leave you with Ozzy's quote as he left the stage. At least, this is what I
think he said:
"You're all f---in' wonderful, man."
Until next time, friends.
