June 26, 2007: Season 3 — Episode 4
Now, I would never turn on my Kathy, but come on. In her continual quest to try to convince us all she's on the D-list, this week she spoke at her 12-year-old nephew Johnny's school and only 30 kids showed up. Yeah, right. This is the same
Kathy Griffin who sold out Carnegie Hall. Yes, I know that most of these situations are staged, but I'm not buying the "only 30 kids." If
my grade school knew
my famous aunt was taping her TV show at our actual school, it would've been standing-room only - and I'm from the Chicago suburbs just like Kathy. But hey, this doesn't mean I didn't thoroughly enjoy watching Kathy's adventures. While we're on the subject of staged situations, we all know Kathy can do better than
Ron Jeremy. I did respect Ron for stating that Kathy was downgrading by dating him, referring to her as "E-list" after going on a date with him. I also liked that their date was at the Rainbow Bar & Grill on Sunset here in Hollywood (great pizza, and if every place I frequented could have drink tickets like the Rainbow, I'd be a content man).
One of my favorite parts was meeting Tom Murphy, Kathy's high-school boyfriend, now a "full-fledged gay" (as Kathy would put it) and seeing old high-school photos of the two of them (with Kathy "two noses ago"). I loved Kathy saying she didn't think Tom was gay back then: "There was no way he was gay. He looked just like
Ryan Seacrest" (followed by a take to the camera and a "ding" sound effect). Classic. I laughed even harder when Kathy said she probably
turned Tom gay: "I think it's in my saliva. One kiss with me..."
Another highlight was Kathy's mother, Maggie, moving into Kathy's mansion, but on a probationary basis - with
Kathy being the one on probation. Kathy said the biggest plus was that her mother could do her laundry, but it was nice to hear Kathy admit that the real reason was being able to use the "old Griffin sense of humor" to cheer her mom up after losing Mr. Griffin. This way, Maggie's not living alone and "fading away."
Other highlights included:
- Kathy's goal to follow in the Thigh-Mastered footsteps of
Suzanne Somers, building an empire by having two assistants and auditioning for HSN. Funniest laugh-out-loud moment was Kathy's reaction after she realized she couldn't BS her way through the steam cleaner segment like she did with the camcorder: "Holy f---balls!"
- Kathy not being able to say a bad thing about
Jennifer Flavin Stallone because Jennifer "was too busy glowing" (accompanied by the glowing-light visual effect): "It was hard to get through all that glow." But it was hilarious when Kathy described Jennifer's "kidding around" manner and her playful on-camera hugging as someone doing it "in that mean-cheerleader-in-high-school way."
- As a former Chicagoan, I could relate to Kathy's comments about the historic and iconic Shubert Theater ridiculously being renamed the LaSalle Bank Theatre (huh?) and how her father would've reacted to the theater's name change. Kathy's reference to Chicago audiences was also finger-on-the-nose: "They can see through the BS right away." You betcha.
- Another great take-to-the-camera line of Kathy's was her
Oprah reference: "Oprah already has a boyfriend:
Gayle."
- Kathy's
Sanjaya mention: "Can we unravel the mystery that is Sanjaya?" and then calling him a "gay boy thinner than
Michael Jackson" followed by her dead-on impersonation of his "Girl, you really got me now" performance.
- Kathy's description of Ron Jeremy's admirers: "So many of his fans don't seem to have teeth."
- The way Kathy summed up how good she'd be on HSN: "I can sell poo to a toilet."
I don't know how I could possibly top that last line so I'll end by saying that next Tuesday (being Independence Day eve) there's a repeat of last week's episode, followed by this week's, so I'll see you in two weeks for the next new episode.
You can watch more Kathy Griffin videos in our
Online Video Guide.
