Ashton Kutcher Hosts, Gnarls Barkley Performs
Ashton Kutcher by Mark Sullivan/WireImage.com
Hey kids! It's Erin Fox, your
SNL blog mistress. This should be an interesting evening with Ashton Kutcher. I'm wondering if he'll just be "Kelso" in every sketch, or if he'll show a little range.
Cold Opening
We're shown a C-SPAN spoof on the Petraeus Reports on Iraq. Will Forte is General Petraeus who says the Sunnis and Shiites are getting along well now, and have been brought together by various forms of crime. Heh. Darrell Hammond does a pitch-perfect John McCain,
Amy is back as Hillary (who hilariously claims that she's been against the war her entire life). Fred Armisen is Obama and Petraeus falls all over him for writing his two excellent books. They keep saying he'll be the next president, "No offense [Hillary]." Ha! Petraeus then goes on to say how awful John and Hillary's books are. This is actually a really funny opening.
Monlogue
OMG,
Ashton comes out doing an air guitar bit. Are you kidding me? He begins his monologue, but then I'm distracted by a flash of his hot bod. Whoa, did you see that? He raises his hand to point at some lights, and you can totally see his handle bar muscle (right below the pants... hey now!). He's doing a shtick on how he's "producing" now and shows how great he is at it by walking around and giving the actors and control room people notes.
Demi Moore pops out of a hallway backstage and asks him to please not wear some red short shorts on the show. He agrees and said, "Produced the hell out of that!" This is one of the lamest monologues I've seen in a while. And, Demi? Pointless.
The Cougar Den
I'm laughing already because Amy, Kristen and Casey are dressed and made up perfectly as cougars. Kristen has a 22-year-old boyfriend who she took to see
The Ruins. Afterwards, she gave him a blow joy, "because it's certainly not a job." OMG. Awesome. Before their first guest comes out, the ladies (with super-low, tranny-like voices) take a Boniva break. LOL. Out comes guest cougar KiKi- but wait, that's
Cameron Diaz! (She's in the movie that Ashton is promoting by being on
SNL). She has a great fake rack and funny Hispanic accent. She's written a book called
Pounce on It. Ha! Then they take a kegel break (strengthening their hoo-ha muscles). This is genius and raunchy, and I love it. Ashton comes out as a "cougar cub" and discusses how cougars are great because they buy you junk. Heh. Well done, ladies.
Fat City Clubbing Sketch
Ashton plays himself trying to get into a club and Keenan is the bouncer who doesn't let him in. He waits next to Fred who plays lame guido "Oliver" who keeps talking about his pathetic life while Keenen lets in everyone else (including a group of retirement home people) into party. This sketch is just OK.
Daiquiri Girl Sketch
This is supposed to be where the
SNL Digital Short is, and instead it's a crappy YouTube like video of Andy Samberg singing "Daiquiri Girl" while a message scrolls over the screen. It basically says that they were supposed to have a funnier short but the musical act backed out at the last minute, and so this is what the audience is gonna get. The song is really annoying.
Activia Sketch
Kristen plays the yogurt spokesperson Jamie Lee Curtis, and she's wearing a hilarious wig and blabs on and on about how she loves to pose naked for every magazine article about her. She proclaims that she "loves" the yogurt and can't wait to do the commercial. They start shooting the commercial, and she gets a horror-stricken look on her face. Then her eye twitches. She's totally pooping her pants because she's had too much Activia. But hey, "she's proud of it!" Gross, but ha!
Gnarls Barkley Performs
Wow, this song is super annoying. I'm fast forwarding it now.
Weekend Update
Seth and Amy's first few jokes are spot on. Then Kristen comes on as a travel writer with a crazy mile a minute speech problem ("Just kidding, I'm fine, just kidding, I'm not, just kidding," etc.). It's amazing how fast she can speak but this bit goes on too long. It actually makes my head hurt a little bit. Back to Seth and Amy: I like the bit about
High School Musical 4; Amy says it will focus on "why these kids can't graduate from this super-queer school." Ha! Now Fred is on doing his Nicholas Fein character. It's funny for a second, then it's annoying. Do you see a pattern emerging here? But Amy and Seth recover nicely and make me laugh out loud many more times.
Bar sketch
Jason, Bill, Will and Aston are good ol' boys at a bar drinking some beers and listening to tunes on the juke box. The song reminds Jason of his old girlfriend who he loves because she listens to everything he says, and does all sorts of sexual things without protest. And by golly, once she comes out of a coma, he'll propose! Boy, he loves being a doctor. Ew! Gross! They all go around the table with their stories, each more disturbing than the next (Will is a pedophile: That's really not funny). Randomly, at the end of the sketch, they put on the headgear from The Village People and sing "YMCA." Weird.
Jack Johnson Mellow Show Sketch
Andy plays Jack and Bill comes out as a barefoot Dave Matthews. He nails the impersonation and sings a song called "Snickerdoodle Cookies." Keenan comes out as his crazy violinist. Ha. It's kinda annoying that Andy is trying to channel Adam Sandler here. Ashton plays "mellow" John Mayer. He does the weird John Mayer singing faces well, but beyond that, this sketch is kinda lame.
Gnarls Barkley Performs
This song is much more my style: Mellow and bluesy. Nice work, Gnarls.
Strip Joint Sketch
Keenan, Andy, Will and Jason play office guys out for a night on the town (aka, a strip club). Ashton comes out looking like he's straight out of
Boogie Nights and introduces Dusty, the paralyzed stripper. Jeeeeeeeeez, they have no shame tonight. Casey plays the stripper, who needs Ashton to move her around and take off her clothes. It's not funny, it's not funny, it's not funny- yet I chuckle a little. It's so tasteless, but the looks on the guys' faces are so priceless.
That's it for this week! Next show in May features Shia LaBeouf! Yay!
