"Duke Collins"
Just like last week, I want to start with the ending. How many of you were reminded of the final episode of
The Sopranos with that quick fade to black? I kept thinking something shocking or tragic was going to happen since I knew it was the final minute of the show. "Silent Night" was heard in the background simultaneously with a dramatic beat, while slow camera shots of each character were shown. Once Eden walked in with her fake smile and Sean looked down, avoiding her, the one thing I expected to happen was for Julia to collapse and that would be the cliffhanger since we won't get a new episode until January 15th. What
was that liquid that Eden added to the fruitcake she made and then fed to Julia? It seemed like Julia was getting queasy or dizzy periodically throughout the second half hour, but she never passed out. And nothing shocking happened at the end. At least with
this fade to black, I didn't think my cable suddenly went out like I did with
The Sopranos (that was more of an abrupt
cut to black).
Speaking of that fruitcake scene, AnnaLynne McCord as Eden morphed into
this classic Carol Burnett character when she delivered that line to
Joely Richardson as Julia after feeding her the tainted fruitcake: "Mom doesn't really like it." Dramatic pause, followed by: "It's all your's," as she exited. I had to TiVo back four times, I was laughing so hard. With each passing week, the Eden character bugs me less. I'd still be happier with her off the show, though. We all knew the 18 year-old wouldn't be going to reform school like Julia wanted. What was Julia thinking inviting Eden to Sean and Christian's for Christmas? That fruitcake went right to her head.
While I am mentioning moments that made me laugh, the Julia-and-Christian-almost-getting-caught-in-bed-together-by-Sean scene was also funny. Christian stuffing Julia into the closet and then doing naked standup push-ups against the closet door killed me (but I was like: "Umm...Julia just came
out of the closet"). Sean to Christian: "What are you doing?" Christian: "I always do this after I m*sturbate. It makes sure I hit
all the muscle groups." Nice save...until Sean called Julia's cell to see if she wanted to buy a Christmas tree with him and it rang inside the bedroom. I was glad Sean figured it all out later. Now that Sean knows about Julia and Christian, all Julia needs to do is break the news to Olivia. Won't be pretty. But Sean hasn't given his official blessing to his NSL (Non-Sexual Lover) Christian yet, so that may be put on hold for now.
I always know I'm going to enjoy the episode when I see
Lyn Greene and Richard Levine in the opening credits as the writers. It usually means that the patients will be even wackier than usual.
Mary Pat Gleason was hilarious as "Christmas Carol," the leader of the caroling group of Screen Actors Guild members that got attacked while singing and asked for corrective surgery in exchange for free caroling performances at McNamara/Troy. Seems they saw the ad on the SAG bulletin board about the Hedda Grubman Cosmetic Surgery Fund. Somehow I just knew Liz wasn't going to gel with their constant merriment: "Go away! Bah, humbug!" Sean: "Ebenezer Cruz, where's your Christmas spirit?" Liz: "I love that our savior was born. I just hate the party we throw...and the music!"
Another wacky patient was Duke Collins (
Joel McKinnon Miller), the department store Santa who claimed he was shot in the face by a little boy (Daniel Polo) who was so upset about not getting the Nintendo, iPod or digital camera he kept asking for that he shot Santa. Not quite. That little boy was Duke's son, as revealed at the end by Duke's estranged and P.O.'ed wife (
Jackie Debatin). Regardless, I bet that faux-flashback scene scared off potential department store Santas. And some current ones. Very clever way for the patients to merge, with the wife attempting to shoot her ex-hubby but hitting the caroler dressed as a certain snowman instead. Cue the carolers singing "Frosty the Snowman" as the paramedics wheeled him out on a stretcher.
And then there's Matt. We knew he'd survive the Nestea plunge he took last week after the unfortunate meth lab explosion. But after second degree burns over 30% of his body, we also knew Sean and Christian would fix him up. I'm guessing they send severe burn victims to rehab facilities post surgery? After feeling abandoned and alone after Kimber dumped him last week, who else could Matt turn to besides fellow burn victim Rachel, his rehabilitation counselor? That was
Maggie Siff from
Mad Men underneath all that prosthetic makeup as Rachel. It did not surprise me when Christian offered Rachel some pro bono surgery. Too bad for Matt that she said no. If Rachel could be made beautiful again, he could use her to make the evil Kimber jealous. Of course Kimber wants custody of Jenna, now that she and Ram Peters (the once again under-used
John Schneider) are getting married...after both of their divorces are final.
I liked that Christian, after he gave Matt tough love last week, was the supportive daddy this week. Unlike Sean, who played the tough card this week, but changed his ways after he witnessed the poor father/son relationships between Santa Duke and
his son. That caused Sean to visit Matt, equipped with a small wooden box that was left for Sean after
his father left him. A box of dreams, don'tchaknow. But Matt affectionately told Sean to keep the box: "This is for
your dreams. I've got to find my own." Yeah, Sean. As long as you stop dreaming of Eden.
I bet all of you who've been wondering where the heck the kids have been hiding were pleased to see Annie, Wilber
and Conor all at the coffee table playing Hungry, Hungry Hippo. Hopefully, they won't have to witness Julia's inevitable passing out scene...
in four weeks. See you then!
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