December 5, 2006: Willy Ward
Weeks ago, when Escobar said goodbye to Sean and told him, "We're even now," and that he wouldn't be back, you knew that was too good to be true. Tonight, after James shot herself to death, you knew that would not be the end of Michelle's troubles. But who knew James would be working for Escobar? Nice twist. Now Escobar wants Michelle to take over for James. That's not going to fit into Christian and Michelle's perfect new family life with little Wilber. We all knew as soon as Michelle got into her car that
someone was going to be inside - but did any of you expect it to be Escobar? Yes,
Robert LaSardo's name was in the opening credits, but I thought he'd be seen in one of Sean's dream sequences. We'll have to wait until next week's season finale to find out more about Escobar's diabolical plans, but let's cross our fingers that those plans don't involve one of Wilber's kidneys. How about James gifting Wilber tonight with an Operation game board and pointing out the tiny little kidney game piece? Yikes!
Poor Sean. Last week he was a drunk; tonight he was once again experiencing the "Jan Brady Syndrome" - always feeling like he's in Marcia's, I mean, Christian's shadow. First that sexy patient Ms. Hudson (
Robyn Lively) wanted
Christian to perform her boob job. I mean, come on, Christian
is No. 7 in "Ocean Drive" magazine's 10 Most Eligible Bachelors. Then Matt came to Christian for sexual advice on how to pleasure Kimber more effectively. Asking Sean would be like getting tips from Dr. Ruth, thought Matt. I kept waiting for Sean to scream: "All I hear is
Christian this and
Christian that... Christian, Christian, Christian!" Then Liz explained to Sean why she and
Alanis, I mean, Poppy, broke up: "No matter how much she told me she loved me, I never felt like I could shine when she was around." Sean: "I know exactly how you feel." Side note: I got my wish from last week when they gave Poppy and Liz more to do, but I wish I could've seen more scenes of them together
leading up to the breakup. Like maybe Liz starting her breakup process by singing to Poppy: "You're uninvited.... " Sorry, couldn't resist.
So, getting back to Sean, it did not surprise me when he told Christian he wanted to sell his share of McNamara/Troy to Christian and Michelle in order to discover who he is without Christian. We all know
that breakup won't last long.
At first, when Gina (
Jessalyn Gilsig) returned, it seemed like she was a new and improved Gina. After all, she greeted Christian with "Hello, Christian" rather than "Hello, a--hole." But, alas, she had turned into an even bigger psychotic mess than before. How unfortunate for cute little Wilber to have to experience both the restaurant confrontation (when Gina morphed into
Alex Forrest) and the temporary kidnapping. Luckily, Gina discovered she just didn't want Wilber (better to find that out now than later). By the way, I knew that class act Gina would make an inappropriate comment about Michelle being black.
While I am mentioning inappropriateness and a lack of class, can we please talk about Kimber agreeing to do a porno with Matt? Yeah, right. Not the Scientologist version of Kimber. It cracked me up when Kimber confided in her Scientologist counselor Parker (
Adria Dawn) that Matt was boring in bed. Like
that was a shocker? But then Matt hired Kimber's mentor and favorite porno director Lena (
Lorna Raver), which convinced Kimber to make the porno? Not buyin' it. Watching Matt attempt to be a porn star just made me laugh, and not in a good way. Enter Jim Walsh from
Beverly Hills, 90210, aka
James Eckhouse, as Dr. Schwartz, Kimber's Scientologist doctor, to break the news to Kimber that her performance was all over the Internet. I did enjoy Kimber's daydream that included visions of a sci-fi creature named Xenu, obviously a dig at science-fiction writer and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, as well as seeing the former slutty version of herself referring to her newfound religion as "this crap." People on this show sure do
see things.
At least our regular characters don't talk to dummies. Oops, I take that back: Christian
did talk to Gina tonight. But you know what I mean. Great intro to the ventriloquist patient Willy Ward, having Nurse Linda tell Sean: "Bring some milk and a bowl with you - he's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs." Yes, it was a silly plot, but it sure did perfectly set up Sean's feelings of unworthiness around Christian. Christian turning into a ventriloquist dummy sitting on Sean's leg was pure genius: "Now get your hand out of my ass!" I thought
Ronn Lucas as Willy was quite good, but even better was music supervisor P.J. Bloom's use of "I'm Your Puppet" by James & Bobby Purify during Willy's surgery. Another mid-'60s classic was featured effectively tonight: "Up, Up & Away" by the
Fifth Dimension, heard during the opening boob job with the oh-so-appropriate lyrics, "... in my beautiful, my beautiful balloon.... "
See you next week for the season finale. I bet you're like me - I'm no dummy - I can't wait!
