October 31, 2006: Masquerade
"The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event" (wink, wink) - which of course means: "This episode is based on a true story and features fictionalized versions of real people - but, you know, we don't want to get sued over it or anything." Gotta love those patented
Law & Order disclaimers.
Anyway, as we all know, tonight's
Criminal Intent dealt with John Mark Karr's bogus confession last August to the murder of JonBenét Ramsey. So it was a wise move to acknowledge the source material in the first scene with our JMK stand-in, Simon Fife (who will henceforth be referred to as Sesame Logs), being taken into custody. It definitely felt weird for Goren and Eames to make their arrest at the
beginning of the show, but for me, it allayed some of the fears that this would be a been-there, done-that episode because of the case's media overexposure.
And man was Sesame Logs creepy he totally nailed the JMK vibe. And in the process, he got to deliver - with a straight face - the immortal line, "She gorged on sweet honey and sesame candies while I made love to her." Well-played, Sesame Logs: both hilarious
and nauseating - not an easy trick to pull off.
I also thoroughly enjoyed the strange rapport between him and Goren. Watching a familiar TV character serve up the much-publicized champagne-on-a-plane brought a weird level of surreality to the proceedings. And I loved how the creep told Eames later he wanted to speak to Goren because "Bobby believes me." Listen, Sesame Logs, Goren's kinda like Robert De Niro in this respect - you can only call him Bobby if you've worked with the guy. And probably not even then.
It was also fun to see more interaction between Captain Danny and Goren, albeit with less friendly banter this time around. Not many people really stand up to the imposing and heavily armed (in the battle of wits) Goren. But Danny's none-too-gentle reminder to the detective to determine guilt or innocence,
not put Sesame Logs on the therapy couch, sure got a rise out of Goren. And loudly opening his can of Coke while the detective was proselytizing - that was just plain rude, but also struck me as funny for some reason.
So this episode was already pretty darn entertaining, and then in walks Liza Minnelli, stammering out a disturbing hybrid of Liza with a 'Z' and Patsy Ramsey. Between weepily clutching her dead daughter's stuffed unicorn, belting show tunes in the kitchen and flirting (?) with D'Onof over roast chicken and a bottle of wine - just get this woman her guest-actress Emmy now.
All theatricality aside, I did find some of the episode-closing twists rather implausible. I could buy Prince Charming's oops-I-suffocated-her routine - he sure
seemed tortured enough. How about his sleazy tabloid-author dad offing
I Dream of Jeannie Jr.? Well, he was obviously guilty of
something from the minute he showed up on screen.
But it was the motive I had a problem with. Killing the little O.J.-hawker out of sheer panic? You'd think that if you were in the process of hiding the body of a girl your son just suffocated, you'd be relieved to learn she wasn't actually dead - rather than, say, freaking out and bashing her head in. But maybe that's just me.
Either way, this one was never boring, even if it occasionally crossed the boundaries of good taste - I mean, did they really need to say "We have your whore daughter"
twice?
Next Week: This one looks to be sleazier still, what with pole-dancing hussies, beefy bouncers and copious gunplay. But at least we'll have the Nothster back to crack a little wise - and maybe even a couple skulls (fingers crossed).
