ISO Beauty Sleep… Yet Again!
First things first: a new theme song? No! I hate it! Bravo, go back to "Straight Up." At least when I heard that, visions of teenage summer camp danced through my formerly obese head. Now when I hear that new theme "song" (term used loosely), all I envision is a desperate Faith Hill wannabe in an elevator-music recording studio, attempting to warble her way to musical mediocrity.
I absolutely loathe this new ditty! Bravo, straight up now tell me, do you really want me to love
Hey Paula forever? If so, give me my old theme song back, because this new one is way too legit to not quit.
So Paula began her 30 minutes of reality fame by making an appearance at the In Defense of Animals benefit. Without a doubt, I am 100 percent two-thumbs-up for this, having just adopted two cats from a shelter myself. And kudos to Paula for her new assistant, Cher. I see that Kiley has been promoted (or demoted, whatever the case may be) to "stylist" (whatever that occupational title may mean). As long as Kiley is in no way, shape or form responsible for dressing Paula, tending to her wardrobe or managing her overall exterior stylings, I'm all for the change. This Cher seems to have a good head on her padded shoulders. (And Kiley seems to like shiny buttons and Velcro, so it's a win/win situation for everyone involved!)
So we get that you're starving, Paula! That IDA green-room basket was a joke. Apparently you've never been to the TV Guide Network green room. You simply must stop by for a visit. Perhaps during a taping of
Reality Chat? [
Insert shameless TV Guide Network plug here]
Paula eventually found food, though, in the form of a vending machine... where she proceeded to dance for a strange man in order to obtain a one-dollar bill. I will hold my ever-witty tongue, but you may insert your own stripper-on-the-pole-with-Washington-bills-in-her-G-string here. Paula, just take my mom's advice and always keep an extra few dollar bills stuffed in your sock. It will save you, evidently, much public embarrassment in the future.
Between Paula's "team meetings" and her trips to QVC, one thing is surely evident: she's a modern-day working woman. I have all the respect in the world for that, but Paula, please stop exhaustively monologuing about your perpetual seven-day work week. Anyone with any level of success in "the biz" works seven days a week, if not 24-hours a day.
If you don't like it, move to Birmingham and get a job in the Piggly Wiggly stockroom (where you'd be lucky to get 40 hours a week, and you'd probably still make just as much as your double-hawking shifts on QVC.)
Either way, the overall arc of this episode, installment No. 4, wasn't good or bad. Like last week's, it just
was. This time at least, Paula came off looking fairly decent - granted, a bit scatterbrained, but justifiably so. Anyone in their right (or not-so-right) mind would feel the same way about her schedule.
I wuld advise that Paula take a catnap, a very long one. She'll need her beauty rest before next week, because we all want to see if, how and when she gets to
Letterman. Good night and sleep tight; don't let the crazy bugs bite!
