"Frankly, My Paula, I Don’t Give a Damn!"
At least when the
Married with Children Bundys or the
Family Ties Keatons did a clip episode, I felt like there was some heart to it, some ventricular thumping that pumped life into the 22.5 minutes of my hard-earned viewing time. The same, sadly, cannot be said for the finale of
Hey Paula.
For the most part a "highlights" (term used loosely) clip episode, we were treated to the same rehashed garbage that the first seven episodes had already provided. (I'm beginning to think that Bravo only sent a crew to Paula's domain five or six times and then cut an eight-episode arc out of that. But the producer in me digresses....)
Plainly put, one of Bravo's highlights-reel editors was forced to "treat" (again, term used loosely) us to: Paula in too-tight jeans, Paula bitching over bad bracelets, Paula being too tired to execute daily activities, the life that is Paula's self-deemed a "crap sandwich," Paula's missing hair-and-makeup staff, and (my personal favorite!) the Paula quote to forever silence all other Paula quotes: "I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift I am!"
Been there! Done that! Forgot that! Don't want to see that again! Someone
puh-leeeeez fast-foward the TiVo! Couldn't be any more over it!
Next!
We were then "treated" (how many times do I have to speak in loosely verbiaged terms?!) to "never-been-seen footage." There was Paula stealing candy for the "Please Donate to Mission Children" jug, Paula getting an overtly orange dye job, Paula talking about her larger-than-life boobies (don't pretend like you didn't see that double-B rack of Paula-lamb!) and Paula being unable to rescramble the D-O-G in doggie.
I'd comment... however, I just threw up in my mouth a little. (
Seriously!)
We then saw brief clips of things like Paula meeting with an old producer and listening to possible song selections for a new album. We also saw her auditioning aspiring talent for a future reality show.
These are the things that
Hey Paula should have been about; this should have been the storylined backbone to this train wreck of a reality series. We would have liked to have seen Paula's life
while she worked towards a higher objective, not just Paula's life while she was... well...
high!
Perhaps Billy Bush put it best when echoing a rambling of Paula's: "Shaquille O'Neal can't take it as deep as I can." Well, Paula, I've seen Shaq slam all the way from center court. But alas, you've taken me deeper into the depths of a world that I cannot (or dare not) follow you into any longer.
Good luck. My inner child loves you more than you'll ever know. And the L.A. cliché in me will see you at our next AA meeting.
Kisses!
