January 14, 2007: Not While I'm Around
First thing I need to say right off the bat is how funny I thought the show was tonight. Not that I don't always think it's humorous, but I found it even funnier than normal. So I must commend the writers - co-executive producer
Kevin Murphy and producer
Kevin Etten - for a hilarious script. There were so many great lines, but I think my favorite was Lynette to Tom after Tom told her he wasn't inviting her to the opening of his new restaurant due to her snarky attitude, which made Lynette say no to sex. Tom: "So we're not havin' sex?" Lynette: "Hey - you banned me from
your opening." Shut up. To think that Lynette had to expose her breasts to that old man Harry (
Richard Herd) just to get him to sign off on Tom's liquor license. What a wife won't do for her husband. Mrs. McCluskey was an excellent inspiration for Lynette, so
Kathryn Joosten was able to deliver one of the episode's many other zingers (re: Tom): "It's bad enough you cut off his cojones. Now you want to juggle them?" Good thing Lynette found out all the info that Tom was hiding from her. It was nice for Lynette to convince Tom that he
wasn't a loser just because she helped him out: "We are a team."
The couple that I'm glad
won't be a team anymore is Austin and Julie. Luckily, Julie found out calmly from Susan about Austin's secret relationship with slutty Danielle. Such a sweet, motherly way for Susan to preface it to her daughter: "I wish there was a pill you could take to protect your heart." What perfect timing it was earlier for Susan and Edie to walk in and discover Austin and Danielle cavorting on the couch, right after Edie told Susan that Austin loved Julie. Yeah, right. Earlier,
Nicollette Sheridan's best line was when Edie was told by Julie that "condoms are only 85 percent effective." "Is it true? Damn. I thought I could coast all the way to menopause." Later, the best line of
Teri Hatcher's was when Susan was on the phone with the doctor that prescribed the birth control pills to Julie and said that "Julie's mother" gave parental consent. Susan (after the doctor described Julie's mother as being blonde and Susan saw Edie outside): "I don't have blonde hair. Wait. Did my blonde hair have dark roots?" It had been a while since we were treated to a Susan/Edie bitchfest, so the writers gave us some doozies. Susan to Edie: "You might've gotten your first diaphragm with milk money, but that doesn't give you the right to corrupt my daughter." That was followed by (in reference to Julie): "She's just a boob job away from being you." Please, please, please - I want Edie to be on this much every week! Are you with me here, people?
Not only was Edie involved with the Susan/Julie story line, she was also aggravating Bree by selling the Applewhite house to Alma. So we got a tad more, but only tidbits, about Orson's past - Gloria Hodge had told Alma that Orson did
something (we don't yet know exactly what) to Monique and that Orson ran over Mike Delfino (we already knew that, but we didn't know anyone
else knew). We also know that Alma's living across the street from Orson because she wants him back, even though Orson doesn't love her. She's not the woman she used to be: "I'm stronger and more confident." Obviously. Best Bree/Orson dialogue was Orson to Bree: "I will get Alma out of that house. I don't care if I have to live up to my reputation and strangle her." Bree: "Oh, you're a good husband." I like when mysterious things happen, such as Bree finding the photo of Orson and Monique, along with a handful of someone's teeth. Monique's, can we assume? That Alma brilliantly taught her bird to say "Don't tell Bree" in front of Bree killed me. And how about Bree at the very end of the episode, with the teeth in her hand, calling and leaving a message for Orson to come home soon and then grabbing for her gun while looking out the window and seeing a smiling Alma wave to her? Was she wanting to shoot Alma or Orson... or just protect herself from either of them? Oh, the mystery. What isn't a mystery is the way they are filming the pregnant
Marcia Cross. Interesting how all the neighbors sit on their porches at night without a jacket, but Bree walks around during the day wearing that overcoat.
How many of you were surprised to find out Gabrielle's big spender/secret admirer was Zach Young? I was, even though I saw
Cody Kasch's name in the opening credits as a guest star. But I thought Zach was going to be seen visiting Paul at the prison. Nope. Umm... can we talk about Zach's hair? I was thinking that maybe he'd been away because he was touring the country as the lead in
Tarzan. Perhaps entering a
Charlie's Angels look-alike contest? We knew Gaby wasn't going to be attracted to Zach, but he sure did have a good comeback for her when she told him he was "way too young" for her: "I'm two months
older than John Rowland." Only Gaby could come up with an even better comeback: "For God's sake, Zach. Don't hijack a Ferrari if you don't know how to drive." I loved that Carlos followed Gaby on her mystery date just to protect her and kept the offer open to always protect her when need be.
As for Paul Young, I was happy the prison guard told Mike that Paul had paid the thugs to beat Mike up to make it look like he was protecting Mike. Hopefully this will jog Mike's memory so that he'll remember his past with Paul - and that Paul's son Zach is actually
Mike's son Zach. I agree with those of you who said that Mike without a memory = Mike without a personality, so I hope he gets his memory back soon and they play Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me."
If you haven't done so already, go
here to read my colleague Matt Webb Mitovich's awesome interview with
Dixie Carter. Among other things, you'll find out why Dixie's been MIA the last few episodes. But thankfully, she'll be back.
