"The Bat Mitzvah"
Mazel tov! I've been to my share of crappy b'nei mitzvot (there was a time, just over a decade ago, when I could have filled my entire closet with shirts that said, "I Had a Blast at [X]'s Bar Mitzvah!"), but even I am not sure where on the awkward scale that party fell. Between Larry's vigorous defense - which started out with "There's a guest here spreading a vicious, nasty, scurrilous rumor about me and a gerbil," and unfortunately ended with "I
do have a tickle in my anus" - his admission to wearing "No Fly Zone" underwear, and apparently ending up with Loretta (if it wasn't just a
St. Elsewhere dream), well, it might just belong on a scale all its own.
Oh, Larry. Where do we even start? It seems pretty clear that he wasn't crushed by the loss of Cheryl, per se, it was more just that he was worried he'd never find someone else willing to put up with him. His flirting technique indicated that he was right to worry ("Let me ask you a question: Did you ever go out with a bald guy?"), though perhaps he should have thought twice about picking up girls at the gastroenterologist. As he even pointed out, no one goes to that type of doctor just for a checkup.
Especially not the type of girl who leaves with six minutes left in a movie, never to be heard from again. I still think she got the better end of the deal (no pun intended, except now that I think about it, I do intend the pun), because who, even in jest, says he stuck a gerbil up his ass?!
While even Leon didn't believe him ("Maybe the gerbil got in an elevator, hit 'Up' and went up your assh--e?"), his sister, Loretta, did. And I guess that's what love is. It's believing someone when he says, among other things, that he did not, in actuality, stick your son's gerbil up his ass - and leave it there for two days - and defending him when someone like Susie comes to curse him out. I guess I have a lot to learn about relationships.
I should have kept a running tally of the number of "F--k you, Larry!"'s we heard this season. Tonight, we got to add at least one more, from the mouth of Matt Tessler, played by the incomparable
Michael McKean. We can add Mr. Tessler to the long list of careers LD has ruined. Not many people get their just revenge on the self-described improver (but not inventor), so three cheers (l'chaims?) to Tessler.
In the best-lines category, I submit my humble list as follows:
" Leon calling Larry "Mopey D--k."
" "I've worked here for four years and I've never had anyone come in and cruise the names for any reason."
" "My son has an office on the right hand of Jesus!"
" "You called [Bin Laden] 'Ben.' It's almost like a Jewish name."
" "He probably read 'Gerbil' magazine and you're f--king on the cover!"
So maybe Larry finally did find happiness. Is it the end of
Curb? Who knows. There's still an awful lot of misery and angst out there in the world from which LD can mine gold. After all, last season he died but still managed to come back for another season. He might be wishing us a "Happy Holidays from Larry and the Blacks," but to him I say, "God bless you and keep you, bar mitzvah boy."
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