Two and a Half Men on CBS

2003, TV Show

Seasons:

1
- Can You Feel My Finger? (Original Airdate May 24, 2004)
- Just Like Buffalo (Original Airdate May 17, 2004)
- My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet (Original Airdate May 10, 2004)
- No Sniffing, No Wowing (Original Airdate May 3, 2004)
- Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark? (Original Airdate Apr 19, 2004)
- I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You (Original Airdate Mar 22, 2004)
- An Old Flame With a New Wick (Original Airdate Mar 1, 2004)
- Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats (Original Airdate Feb 23, 2004)
- That Was Saliva, Alan (Original Airdate Feb 16, 2004)
- Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (Original Airdate Feb 9, 2004)
- I Can't Afford Hyenas (Original Airdate Feb 2, 2004)
- Sarah Like Puny Alan (Original Airdate Jan 12, 2004)
- Camel Filters and Pheromones (Original Airdate Jan 5, 2004)
- Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor (Original Airdate Dec 15, 2003)
- Merry Thanksgiving (Original Airdate Nov 24, 2003)
- Phase One, Complete (Original Airdate Nov 17, 2003)
- Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-ful (Original Airdate Nov 10, 2003)
- If They Don't Go Either Way They're Usually Fake (Original Airdate Nov 3, 2003)
- Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? (Original Airdate Oct 27, 2003)
- The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up With a Hump (Original Airdate Oct 20, 2003)
- If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap (Original Airdate Oct 13, 2003)
- Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell (Original Airdate Oct 6, 2003)
- Big Flappy Bastards (Original Airdate Sep 29, 2003)
- Pilot Episode (Original Airdate Sep 22, 2003)
2
- Does This Smell Funny to You? (Original Airdate May 23, 2005)
- Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab (Original Airdate May 16, 2005)
- That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother (Original Airdate May 9, 2005)
- A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On (Original Airdate May 2, 2005)
- I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey (Original Airdate Apr 18, 2005)
- A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise (Original Airdate Mar 21, 2005)
- It Was 'Mame,' Mom (Original Airdate Mar 7, 2005)
- Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! (Original Airdate Feb 21, 2005)
- Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? (Original Airdate Feb 14, 2005)
- Smell the Umbrella Stand (Original Airdate Feb 7, 2005)
- Those Big Pink Things With Coconut (Original Airdate Jan 31, 2005)
- Zejdz zmoich wlosow (Get Off My Hair) (Original Airdate Jan 17, 2005)
- A Lungful of Alan (Original Airdate Jan 3, 2005)
- Last Chance to See Those Tattoos (Original Airdate Dec 13, 2004)
- The Salmon Under My Sweater (Original Airdate Nov 29, 2004)
- Yes, Monsignor (Original Airdate Nov 22, 2004)
- Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers (Original Airdate Nov 15, 2004)
- A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana (Original Airdate Nov 8, 2004)
- The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance (Original Airdate Oct 25, 2004)
- Bad News From the Clinic? (Original Airdate Oct 18, 2004)
- Go Get Mommy's Bra (Original Airdate Oct 11, 2004)
- A Bag Full of Jawea (Original Airdate Oct 4, 2004)
- Enjoy Those Garlic Balls (Original Airdate Sep 27, 2004)
- Back Off, Mary Poppins (Original Airdate Sep 20, 2004)
3
- That Pistol-packin' Hermaphrodite (Original Airdate May 22, 2006)
- Arguments for the Quickie (Original Airdate May 15, 2006)
- Just Once With Aunt Sophie (Original Airdate May 8, 2006)
- And the Plot Moistens (Original Airdate May 1, 2006)
- Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro (Original Airdate Apr 24, 2006)
- Golly Moses, She's a Muffin (Original Airdate Apr 10, 2006)
- The Spit-Covered Cobbler (Original Airdate Mar 20, 2006)
- The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer (Original Airdate Mar 13, 2006)
- Ergo, the Booty Call (Original Airdate Mar 6, 2006)
- My Tongue Is Meat (Original Airdate Feb 27, 2006)
- Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded (Original Airdate Feb 6, 2006)
- Humiliation Is a Visual Medium (Original Airdate Jan 23, 2006)
- That Special Tug (Original Airdate Jan 9, 2006)
- Santa's Village of the Damned (Original Airdate Dec 19, 2005)
- Something Salty and Twisted (Original Airdate Nov 28, 2005)
- Madame and Her Special Friend (Original Airdate Nov 21, 2005)
- That Voodoo That I Do Do (Original Airdate Nov 14, 2005)
- Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop (Original Airdate Nov 7, 2005)
- Hi, Mr. Horned One (Original Airdate Oct 24, 2005)
- We Call It Mr. Pinky (Original Airdate Oct 17, 2005)
- Your Dismissive Attitude Towards Boobs (Original Airdate Oct 10, 2005)
- Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark (Original Airdate Oct 3, 2005)
- Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover (Original Airdate Sep 26, 2005)
- Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts (Original Airdate Sep 19, 2005)
4
- Prostitutes and Gelato (Original Airdate May 14, 2007)
- Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin (Original Airdate May 7, 2007)
- Mr. McGlue's Feedbag (Original Airdate Apr 30, 2007)
- Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous (Original Airdate Apr 23, 2007)
- Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot (Original Airdate Apr 16, 2007)
- Smooth as a Ken Doll (Original Airdate Apr 9, 2007)
- It Never Rains in Hooterville (Original Airdate Mar 19, 2007)
- I Merely Slept With a Commie (Original Airdate Feb 26, 2007)
- Young People Have Phlegm Too (Original Airdate Feb 19, 2007)
- My Damn Stalker (Original Airdate Feb 12, 2007)
- That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami (Original Airdate Feb 5, 2007)
- Don't Worry, Speed Racer (Original Airdate Jan 22, 2007)
- Castrating Sheep in Montana (Original Airdate Jan 8, 2007)
- Walnuts and Demerol (Original Airdate Dec 11, 2006)
- Kissing Abraham Lincoln (Original Airdate Nov 27, 2006)
- Corey's Been Dead for an Hour (Original Airdate Nov 20, 2006)
- Release the Dogs (Original Airdate Nov 13, 2006)
- Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head (Original Airdate Nov 6, 2006)
- Apologies for the Frivolity (Original Airdate Oct 23, 2006)
- A Live Woman of Proven Fertility (Original Airdate Oct 16, 2006)
- A Pot-Smoking Monkey (Original Airdate Oct 9, 2006)
- The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress (Original Airdate Oct 2, 2006)
- Who's Vod Kanockers? (Original Airdate Sep 25, 2006)
- Working for Caligula (Original Airdate Sep 18, 2006)
5
- Waiting for the Right Snapper (Original Airdate May 19, 2008)
- If My Hole Could Talk (Original Airdate May 12, 2008)
- Fish in a Drawer (Original Airdate May 5, 2008)
- Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty (Original Airdate Apr 28, 2008)
- Rough Night in Hump Junction (Original Airdate Apr 21, 2008)
- Winky-Dink Time (Original Airdate Apr 14, 2008)
- The Soil Is Moist (Original Airdate Mar 31, 2008)
- A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh (Original Airdate Mar 24, 2008)
- Meander to Your Dander (Original Airdate Mar 17, 2008)
- Kinda Like Necrophilia (Original Airdate Nov 27, 2007)
- Tight's Good (Original Airdate Nov 19, 2007)
- Is There a Mrs. Waffles? (Original Airdate Nov 12, 2007)
- The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room (Original Airdate Nov 6, 2007)
- Help Daddy Find His Toenail (Original Airdate Oct 29, 2007)
- Putting Swim Fins on a Cat (Original Airdate Oct 22, 2007)
- City of Great Racks (Original Airdate Oct 15, 2007)
- Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo (Original Airdate Oct 8, 2007)
- Media Room Slash Dungeon (Original Airdate Oct 1, 2007)
- Large Birds, Spiders and Mom (Original Airdate Sep 24, 2007)
6
- Baseball Was Better With Steroids (Original Airdate May 18, 2009)
- Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth (Original Airdate May 11, 2009)
- Sir Lancelot's Litter Box (Original Airdate May 4, 2009)
- Above Exalted Cyclops (Original Airdate Apr 27, 2009)
- Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau (Original Airdate Apr 13, 2009)
- The Two Finger Rule (Original Airdate Mar 30, 2009)
- My Son's Enormous Head (Original Airdate Mar 16, 2009)
- The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? (Original Airdate Mar 9, 2009)
- She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime (Original Airdate Mar 2, 2009)
- I'd Like to Start With the Cat (Original Airdate Feb 9, 2009)
- David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie (Original Airdate Feb 2, 2009)
- I Think You Offended Don (Original Airdate Jan 19, 2009)
- Thank God for Scoliosis (Original Airdate Jan 12, 2009)
- The Devil's Lube (Original Airdate Dec 15, 2008)
- He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited (Original Airdate Dec 8, 2008)
- The Mooch at the Boo (Original Airdate Nov 24, 2008)
- Pinocchio's Mouth (Original Airdate Nov 17, 2008)
- Best H.O. Money Can Buy (Original Airdate Nov 10, 2008)
- It's Always Nazi Week (Original Airdate Nov 3, 2008)
- A Jock Strap in Hell (Original Airdate Oct 20, 2008)
- The Flavin' and the Mavin' (Original Airdate Oct 13, 2008)
- Damn You, Eggs Benedict (Original Airdate Oct 6, 2008)
- Pie Hole, Herb (Original Airdate Sep 29, 2008)
- Taterhead Is Our Love Child (Original Airdate Sep 22, 2008)
7
- Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste (Original Airdate Jan 11, 2010)
- Warning, It's Dirty (Original Airdate Dec 14, 2009)
- That's Why They Call it Ball Room (Original Airdate Dec 7, 2009)
- Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair (Original Airdate Nov 23, 2009)
- Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle (Original Airdate Nov 16, 2009)
- Untainted by Filth (Original Airdate Nov 9, 2009)
- Give Me Your Thumb (Original Airdate Nov 2, 2009)
- For the Sake of the Child (Original Airdate Oct 19, 2009)
- Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator (Original Airdate Oct 12, 2009)
- Mmm, Fish. Yum (Original Airdate Oct 5, 2009)
- Whipped Unto the Third Generation (Original Airdate Sep 28, 2009)
- 818-jlkpuzo (Original Airdate Sep 21, 2009)

Two and a Half Men Episode: "Arguments for the Quickie"

Season 3, Episode 23

Episode Synopsis: Part 1 of two. Mia's dance troupe is in town and she reserves four ballet tickets for the Harpers, but Charlie is suspicious of her motives for seeing him again. Jennifer: Cheyenne Casebier. Theresa: Maria Tornberg. Mia: Emmanuelle Vaugier. Original Air Date: May 15, 2006

Cast & Details

Premiered: September 22, 2003, on CBS

Rating: TV-14

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Premise: A Malibu bachelor's carefree life is changed when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move in with him. Briskly written and performed, the sitcom has fun spoofing Charlie Sheen's bad-boy reputation and exploiting Jon Cryer's quirky, nervous energy, perfected in a number of 1980s coming-of-age films.

Cast