Two and a Half Men on CBS

2003, TV Show

Seasons:

1
- Can You Feel My Finger? (Original Airdate May 24, 2004)
- Just Like Buffalo (Original Airdate May 17, 2004)
- My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet (Original Airdate May 10, 2004)
- No Sniffing, No Wowing (Original Airdate May 3, 2004)
- Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark? (Original Airdate Apr 19, 2004)
- I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You (Original Airdate Mar 22, 2004)
- An Old Flame With a New Wick (Original Airdate Mar 1, 2004)
- Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats (Original Airdate Feb 23, 2004)
- That Was Saliva, Alan (Original Airdate Feb 16, 2004)
- Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (Original Airdate Feb 9, 2004)
- I Can't Afford Hyenas (Original Airdate Feb 2, 2004)
- Sarah Like Puny Alan (Original Airdate Jan 12, 2004)
- Camel Filters and Pheromones (Original Airdate Jan 5, 2004)
- Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor (Original Airdate Dec 15, 2003)
- Merry Thanksgiving (Original Airdate Nov 24, 2003)
- Phase One, Complete (Original Airdate Nov 17, 2003)
- Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-ful (Original Airdate Nov 10, 2003)
- If They Don't Go Either Way They're Usually Fake (Original Airdate Nov 3, 2003)
- Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? (Original Airdate Oct 27, 2003)
- The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up With a Hump (Original Airdate Oct 20, 2003)
- If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap (Original Airdate Oct 13, 2003)
- Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell (Original Airdate Oct 6, 2003)
- Big Flappy Bastards (Original Airdate Sep 29, 2003)
- Pilot Episode (Original Airdate Sep 22, 2003)
2
- Does This Smell Funny to You? (Original Airdate May 23, 2005)
- Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab (Original Airdate May 16, 2005)
- That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother (Original Airdate May 9, 2005)
- A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On (Original Airdate May 2, 2005)
- I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey (Original Airdate Apr 18, 2005)
- A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise (Original Airdate Mar 21, 2005)
- It Was 'Mame,' Mom (Original Airdate Mar 7, 2005)
- Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! (Original Airdate Feb 21, 2005)
- Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? (Original Airdate Feb 14, 2005)
- Smell the Umbrella Stand (Original Airdate Feb 7, 2005)
- Those Big Pink Things With Coconut (Original Airdate Jan 31, 2005)
- Zejdz zmoich wlosow (Get Off My Hair) (Original Airdate Jan 17, 2005)
- A Lungful of Alan (Original Airdate Jan 3, 2005)
- Last Chance to See Those Tattoos (Original Airdate Dec 13, 2004)
- The Salmon Under My Sweater (Original Airdate Nov 29, 2004)
- Yes, Monsignor (Original Airdate Nov 22, 2004)
- Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers (Original Airdate Nov 15, 2004)
- A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana (Original Airdate Nov 8, 2004)
- The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance (Original Airdate Oct 25, 2004)
- Bad News From the Clinic? (Original Airdate Oct 18, 2004)
- Go Get Mommy's Bra (Original Airdate Oct 11, 2004)
- A Bag Full of Jawea (Original Airdate Oct 4, 2004)
- Enjoy Those Garlic Balls (Original Airdate Sep 27, 2004)
- Back Off, Mary Poppins (Original Airdate Sep 20, 2004)
3
- That Pistol-packin' Hermaphrodite (Original Airdate May 22, 2006)
- Arguments for the Quickie (Original Airdate May 15, 2006)
- Just Once With Aunt Sophie (Original Airdate May 8, 2006)
- And the Plot Moistens (Original Airdate May 1, 2006)
- Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro (Original Airdate Apr 24, 2006)
- Golly Moses, She's a Muffin (Original Airdate Apr 10, 2006)
- The Spit-Covered Cobbler (Original Airdate Mar 20, 2006)
- The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer (Original Airdate Mar 13, 2006)
- Ergo, the Booty Call (Original Airdate Mar 6, 2006)
- My Tongue Is Meat (Original Airdate Feb 27, 2006)
- Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded (Original Airdate Feb 6, 2006)
- Humiliation Is a Visual Medium (Original Airdate Jan 23, 2006)
- That Special Tug (Original Airdate Jan 9, 2006)
- Santa's Village of the Damned (Original Airdate Dec 19, 2005)
- Something Salty and Twisted (Original Airdate Nov 28, 2005)
- Madame and Her Special Friend (Original Airdate Nov 21, 2005)
- That Voodoo That I Do Do (Original Airdate Nov 14, 2005)
- Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop (Original Airdate Nov 7, 2005)
- Hi, Mr. Horned One (Original Airdate Oct 24, 2005)
- We Call It Mr. Pinky (Original Airdate Oct 17, 2005)
- Your Dismissive Attitude Towards Boobs (Original Airdate Oct 10, 2005)
- Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark (Original Airdate Oct 3, 2005)
- Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover (Original Airdate Sep 26, 2005)
- Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts (Original Airdate Sep 19, 2005)
4
- Prostitutes and Gelato (Original Airdate May 14, 2007)
- Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin (Original Airdate May 7, 2007)
- Mr. McGlue's Feedbag (Original Airdate Apr 30, 2007)
- Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous (Original Airdate Apr 23, 2007)
- Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot (Original Airdate Apr 16, 2007)
- Smooth as a Ken Doll (Original Airdate Apr 9, 2007)
- It Never Rains in Hooterville (Original Airdate Mar 19, 2007)
- I Merely Slept With a Commie (Original Airdate Feb 26, 2007)
- Young People Have Phlegm Too (Original Airdate Feb 19, 2007)
- My Damn Stalker (Original Airdate Feb 12, 2007)
- That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami (Original Airdate Feb 5, 2007)
- Don't Worry, Speed Racer (Original Airdate Jan 22, 2007)
- Castrating Sheep in Montana (Original Airdate Jan 8, 2007)
- Walnuts and Demerol (Original Airdate Dec 11, 2006)
- Kissing Abraham Lincoln (Original Airdate Nov 27, 2006)
- Corey's Been Dead for an Hour (Original Airdate Nov 20, 2006)
- Release the Dogs (Original Airdate Nov 13, 2006)
- Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head (Original Airdate Nov 6, 2006)
- Apologies for the Frivolity (Original Airdate Oct 23, 2006)
- A Live Woman of Proven Fertility (Original Airdate Oct 16, 2006)
- A Pot-Smoking Monkey (Original Airdate Oct 9, 2006)
- The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress (Original Airdate Oct 2, 2006)
- Who's Vod Kanockers? (Original Airdate Sep 25, 2006)
- Working for Caligula (Original Airdate Sep 18, 2006)
5
- Waiting for the Right Snapper (Original Airdate May 19, 2008)
- If My Hole Could Talk (Original Airdate May 12, 2008)
- Fish in a Drawer (Original Airdate May 5, 2008)
- Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty (Original Airdate Apr 28, 2008)
- Rough Night in Hump Junction (Original Airdate Apr 21, 2008)
- Winky-Dink Time (Original Airdate Apr 14, 2008)
- The Soil Is Moist (Original Airdate Mar 31, 2008)
- A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh (Original Airdate Mar 24, 2008)
- Meander to Your Dander (Original Airdate Mar 17, 2008)
- Kinda Like Necrophilia (Original Airdate Nov 27, 2007)
- Tight's Good (Original Airdate Nov 19, 2007)
- Is There a Mrs. Waffles? (Original Airdate Nov 12, 2007)
- The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room (Original Airdate Nov 6, 2007)
- Help Daddy Find His Toenail (Original Airdate Oct 29, 2007)
- Putting Swim Fins on a Cat (Original Airdate Oct 22, 2007)
- City of Great Racks (Original Airdate Oct 15, 2007)
- Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo (Original Airdate Oct 8, 2007)
- Media Room Slash Dungeon (Original Airdate Oct 1, 2007)
- Large Birds, Spiders and Mom (Original Airdate Sep 24, 2007)
6
- Baseball Was Better With Steroids (Original Airdate May 18, 2009)
- Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth (Original Airdate May 11, 2009)
- Sir Lancelot's Litter Box (Original Airdate May 4, 2009)
- Above Exalted Cyclops (Original Airdate Apr 27, 2009)
- Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau (Original Airdate Apr 13, 2009)
- The Two Finger Rule (Original Airdate Mar 30, 2009)
- My Son's Enormous Head (Original Airdate Mar 16, 2009)
- The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? (Original Airdate Mar 9, 2009)
- She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime (Original Airdate Mar 2, 2009)
- I'd Like to Start With the Cat (Original Airdate Feb 9, 2009)
- David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie (Original Airdate Feb 2, 2009)
- I Think You Offended Don (Original Airdate Jan 19, 2009)
- Thank God for Scoliosis (Original Airdate Jan 12, 2009)
- The Devil's Lube (Original Airdate Dec 15, 2008)
- He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited (Original Airdate Dec 8, 2008)
- The Mooch at the Boo (Original Airdate Nov 24, 2008)
- Pinocchio's Mouth (Original Airdate Nov 17, 2008)
- Best H.O. Money Can Buy (Original Airdate Nov 10, 2008)
- It's Always Nazi Week (Original Airdate Nov 3, 2008)
- A Jock Strap in Hell (Original Airdate Oct 20, 2008)
- The Flavin' and the Mavin' (Original Airdate Oct 13, 2008)
- Damn You, Eggs Benedict (Original Airdate Oct 6, 2008)
- Pie Hole, Herb (Original Airdate Sep 29, 2008)
- Taterhead Is Our Love Child (Original Airdate Sep 22, 2008)
7
- Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste (Original Airdate Jan 11, 2010)
- Warning, It's Dirty (Original Airdate Dec 14, 2009)
- That's Why They Call it Ball Room (Original Airdate Dec 7, 2009)
- Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair (Original Airdate Nov 23, 2009)
- Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle (Original Airdate Nov 16, 2009)
- Untainted by Filth (Original Airdate Nov 9, 2009)
- Give Me Your Thumb (Original Airdate Nov 2, 2009)
- For the Sake of the Child (Original Airdate Oct 19, 2009)
- Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator (Original Airdate Oct 12, 2009)
- Mmm, Fish. Yum (Original Airdate Oct 5, 2009)
- Whipped Unto the Third Generation (Original Airdate Sep 28, 2009)
- 818-jlkpuzo (Original Airdate Sep 21, 2009)

Two and a Half Men Episode: "Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded"

Season 3, Episode 14

Episode Synopsis: Charlie and Mia (Emmanuelle Vaugier) decide to make love, but after the long wait, he's worried that he won't live up to her expectations. Meanwhile, Alan has his hands full with one of Charlie's former lovers. Kandi: April Bowlby. Alan: Jon Cryer. Original Air Date: Feb 6, 2006

Cast & Details

Premiered: September 22, 2003, on CBS

Rating: TV-14

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Premise: A Malibu bachelor's carefree life is changed when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move in with him. Briskly written and performed, the sitcom has fun spoofing Charlie Sheen's bad-boy reputation and exploiting Jon Cryer's quirky, nervous energy, perfected in a number of 1980s coming-of-age films.

Cast