Two and a Half Men Episodes

2003, TV Show

Two and a Half Men episodes

Dec 11, 2014: Sex With an Animated Ed Asner
Dec 04, 2014: Alan Shot a Little Girl
Nov 27, 2014: Oontz, Oontz, Oontz
Nov 20, 2014: Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
Nov 13, 2014: Glamping in a Yurt
Nov 06, 2014: A Chic Bar in Ibiza
Oct 30, 2014: The Ol' Mexican Spinach
May 08, 2014: Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
May 01, 2014: Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
Apr 24, 2014: Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
Apr 10, 2014: Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
Apr 03, 2014: West Side Story
Mar 13, 2014: Welcome Home, Jake
Mar 06, 2014: How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
Feb 27, 2014: Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
Feb 06, 2014: Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
Jan 30, 2014: Bite Me, Supreme Court
Jan 09, 2014: Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
Jan 02, 2014: Tazed in the Lady Nuts
Dec 12, 2013: On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!
Dec 05, 2013: Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
Nov 21, 2013: Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
Nov 14, 2013: Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
Nov 07, 2013: Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
Oct 24, 2013: Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
Oct 17, 2013: Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
Oct 10, 2013: This Unblessed Biscuit
Oct 03, 2013: I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
Sep 26, 2013: Nangnangnangnang
May 09, 2013: Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
May 02, 2013: My Bodacious Vidalia
Apr 25, 2013: Another Night With Neil Diamond
Apr 04, 2013: Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
Mar 14, 2013: Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
Mar 07, 2013: The 9:04 From Pemberton
Feb 21, 2013: Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
Feb 14, 2013: Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
Feb 07, 2013: Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
Jan 31, 2013: Run, Steven Staven! Run!
Jan 10, 2013: Grab a Feather and Get in Line
Jan 03, 2013: Welcome to Alancrest
Dec 13, 2012: Give Santa a Tail-Hole
Dec 06, 2012: One Nut Johnson
Nov 29, 2012: I Scream When I Pee
Nov 15, 2012: Something My Gynecologist Said
Nov 08, 2012: Avoid the Chinese Mustard
Nov 01, 2012: Ferrets, Attack!
Oct 25, 2012: That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
Oct 18, 2012: You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
Oct 11, 2012: Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Oct 04, 2012: A Big Bag of Dog
Sep 27, 2012: I Changed My Mind About the Milk
May 14, 2012: Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
May 07, 2012: The Straw in My Donut Hole
Apr 30, 2012: Why We Gave Up Women
Apr 16, 2012: Mr. Hose Says "Yes"
Apr 09, 2012: Grandma's Pie
Mar 19, 2012: Palmdale, Ech
Feb 27, 2012: The War Against Gingivitis
Feb 20, 2012: Not In My Mouth!
Feb 13, 2012: Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
Feb 06, 2012: The Duchess of Dull-In-Sack
Jan 02, 2012: Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
Dec 12, 2011: One False Move, Zimbabwe!
Dec 05, 2011: What A Lovely Landing Strip
Nov 21, 2011: Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
Nov 14, 2011: Frodo's Headshots
Nov 07, 2011: Thanks for the Intercourse
Oct 31, 2011: Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
Oct 24, 2011: The Squat and the Hover
Oct 17, 2011: Giant Cat Holding Churro
Oct 10, 2011: Nine Magic Fingers
Oct 03, 2011: Big Girls Don't Throw Food
Sep 26, 2011: People Who Love Peepholes
Sep 19, 2011: Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Feb 14, 2011: That Darn Priest
Feb 07, 2011: Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
Jan 17, 2011: Lookin' for Japanese Subs
Jan 03, 2011: Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
Dec 13, 2010: Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Dec 06, 2010: Dead from the Waist Down
Nov 22, 2010: Ow, Ow Don't Stop
Nov 15, 2010: A Good Time in Central Africa
Nov 08, 2010: Springtime on a Stick
Nov 01, 2010: The Crazy Bitch Gazette
Oct 25, 2010: Twanging Your Magic Clanger
Oct 18, 2010: The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Oct 11, 2010: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Oct 04, 2010: A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Sep 27, 2010: A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Sep 20, 2010: Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
May 24, 2010: This Is Not Gonna End Well
May 17, 2010: Gumby with a Pokey
May 10, 2010: I Called Him Magoo
Apr 12, 2010: Keith Moon is Vomiting in His Grave
Mar 22, 2010: Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Mar 08, 2010: I Found Your Moustache
Mar 01, 2010: Tinkle Like a Princess
Feb 08, 2010: Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
Feb 01, 2010: Crude and Uncalled For
Jan 18, 2010: Yay, No Polyps!
Jan 11, 2010: Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Dec 14, 2009: Warning, It's Dirty
Dec 07, 2009: That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Nov 23, 2009: Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Nov 16, 2009: Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle
Nov 09, 2009: Untainted by Filth
Nov 02, 2009: Give Me Your Thumb
Oct 19, 2009: For the Sake of the Child
Oct 12, 2009: Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Oct 05, 2009: Mmm, Fish. Yum
Sep 28, 2009: Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Sep 21, 2009: 818-jlkpuzo
May 18, 2009: Baseball Was Better With Steroids
May 11, 2009: Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
May 04, 2009: Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Apr 27, 2009: Above Exalted Cyclops
Apr 13, 2009: Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Mar 30, 2009: The Two Finger Rule
Mar 16, 2009: My Son's Enormous Head
Mar 09, 2009: The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
Mar 02, 2009: She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Feb 09, 2009: I'd Like to Start With the Cat
Feb 02, 2009: David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Jan 19, 2009: I Think You Offended Don
Jan 12, 2009: Thank God for Scoliosis
Dec 15, 2008: The Devil's Lube
Dec 08, 2008: He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Nov 24, 2008: The Mooch at the Boo
Nov 17, 2008: Pinocchio's Mouth
Nov 10, 2008: Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Nov 03, 2008: It's Always Nazi Week
Oct 20, 2008: A Jock Strap in Hell
Oct 13, 2008: The Flavin' and the Mavin'
Oct 06, 2008: Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Sep 29, 2008: Pie Hole, Herb
Sep 22, 2008: Taterhead Is Our Love Child
May 19, 2008: Waiting for the Right Snapper
May 12, 2008: If My Hole Could Talk
May 05, 2008: Fish in a Drawer
Apr 28, 2008: Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Apr 21, 2008: Rough Night in Hump Junction
Apr 14, 2008: Winky-Dink Time
Mar 31, 2008: The Soil Is Moist
Mar 24, 2008: A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Mar 17, 2008: Meander to Your Dander
Nov 27, 2007: Kinda Like Necrophilia
Nov 19, 2007: Tight's Good
Nov 12, 2007: Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
Nov 06, 2007: The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
Oct 29, 2007: Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Oct 22, 2007: Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Oct 15, 2007: City of Great Racks
Oct 08, 2007: Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Oct 01, 2007: Media Room Slash Dungeon
Sep 24, 2007: Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
May 14, 2007: Prostitutes and Gelato
May 07, 2007: Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin
Apr 30, 2007: Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Apr 23, 2007: Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Apr 16, 2007: Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Apr 09, 2007: Smooth as a Ken Doll
Mar 19, 2007: It Never Rains in Hooterville
Feb 26, 2007: I Merely Slept With a Commie
Feb 19, 2007: Young People Have Phlegm Too
Feb 12, 2007: My Damn Stalker
Feb 05, 2007: That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Jan 22, 2007: Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Jan 08, 2007: Castrating Sheep in Montana
Dec 11, 2006: Walnuts and Demerol
Nov 27, 2006: Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Nov 20, 2006: Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
Nov 13, 2006: Release the Dogs
Nov 06, 2006: Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Oct 23, 2006: Apologies for the Frivolity
Oct 16, 2006: A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Oct 09, 2006: A Pot-Smoking Monkey
Oct 02, 2006: The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Sep 25, 2006: Who's Vod Kanockers?
Sep 18, 2006: Working for Caligula
May 22, 2006: That Pistol-packin' Hermaphrodite
May 15, 2006: Arguments for the Quickie
May 08, 2006: Just Once With Aunt Sophie
May 01, 2006: And the Plot Moistens
Apr 24, 2006: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Apr 10, 2006: Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Mar 20, 2006: The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Mar 13, 2006: The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
Mar 06, 2006: Ergo, the Booty Call
Feb 27, 2006: My Tongue Is Meat
Feb 06, 2006: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Jan 23, 2006: Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Jan 09, 2006: That Special Tug
Dec 19, 2005: Santa's Village of the Damned
Nov 28, 2005: Something Salty and Twisted
Nov 21, 2005: Madame and Her Special Friend
Nov 14, 2005: That Voodoo That I Do Do
Nov 07, 2005: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Oct 24, 2005: Hi, Mr. Horned One
Oct 17, 2005: We Call It Mr. Pinky
Oct 10, 2005: Your Dismissive Attitude Towards Boobs
Oct 03, 2005: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Sep 26, 2005: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Sep 19, 2005: Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts
May 23, 2005: Does This Smell Funny to You?
May 16, 2005: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
May 09, 2005: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
May 02, 2005: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Apr 18, 2005: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Mar 21, 2005: A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
Mar 07, 2005: It Was 'Mame,' Mom
Feb 21, 2005: Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
Feb 14, 2005: Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Feb 07, 2005: Smell the Umbrella Stand
Jan 31, 2005: Those Big Pink Things With Coconut
Jan 17, 2005: Zejdz zmoich wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Jan 03, 2005: A Lungful of Alan
Dec 13, 2004: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Nov 29, 2004: The Salmon Under My Sweater
Nov 22, 2004: Yes, Monsignor
Nov 15, 2004: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Nov 08, 2004: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Oct 25, 2004: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Oct 18, 2004: Bad News From the Clinic?
Oct 11, 2004: Go Get Mommy's Bra
Oct 04, 2004: A Bag Full of Jawea
Sep 27, 2004: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Sep 20, 2004: Back Off, Mary Poppins
May 24, 2004: Can You Feel My Finger?
May 17, 2004: Just Like Buffalo
May 10, 2004: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
May 03, 2004: No Sniffing, No Wowing
Apr 19, 2004: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark?
Mar 22, 2004: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Mar 01, 2004: An Old Flame With a New Wick
Feb 23, 2004: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Feb 16, 2004: That Was Saliva, Alan
Feb 09, 2004: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Feb 02, 2004: I Can't Afford Hyenas
Jan 12, 2004: Sarah Like Puny Alan
Jan 05, 2004: Camel Filters and Pheromones
Dec 15, 2003: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Nov 24, 2003: Merry Thanksgiving
Nov 17, 2003: Phase One, Complete
Nov 10, 2003: Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-ful
Nov 03, 2003: If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake
Oct 27, 2003: Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Oct 20, 2003: The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up With a Hump
Oct 13, 2003: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Oct 06, 2003: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Sep 29, 2003: Big Flappy Bastards
Sep 22, 2003: Pilot Episode

Sex With an Animated Ed Asner Season 12, Episode 7

Walden and Alan make friends with three moms at a gym for kids, but the relationship turns awkward when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Meanwhile, Alan tags along on a girls' night out. read more

Alan Shot a Little Girl Season 12, Episode 6

Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it stay that way. read more

Oontz, Oontz, Oontz Season 12, Episode 5

Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped. read more

Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight Season 12, Episode 4

A mother-to-be meets Alan and Walden when she's looking for suitable parents to adopt her baby. read more

Glamping in a Yurt Season 12, Episode 3

Alan and Walden try to convince a social worker that they're a loving couple and capable of adopting a child. Meanwhile, Lyndsey gets out of rehab after 60 days. read more

A Chic Bar in Ibiza Season 12, Episode 2

Alan gets offended when Walden asks him to sign a prenuptial agreement, which gives him pause about getting married. read more

The Ol' Mexican Spinach Season 12, Episode 1

In the Season 12 premiere, Walden asks for Alan's help with adjusting his priorities in life after a health scare on Halloween. read more

Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead Season 11, Episode 22

In the Season 11 finale, Alan comes clean to Larry about his identity, but then has to face the consequences. read more

Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot Season 11, Episode 21

Walden goes a road trip with Jenny and Barry to see his first car; Gretchen demands that Alan tell Larry who he really is. read more

Lotta Delis in Little Armenia Season 11, Episode 20

A moneymaking scheme for Alan falls into his lap; Walden confronts his codependency issues. read more

Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang Season 11, Episode 19

Walden reconnects with Kate and impulsively decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with her—until he meets Vivian. Meanwhile, Alan and Gretchen grow closer. read more

West Side Story Season 11, Episode 18

Walden gets an invitation to an opening for his ex-girlfriend's boutique; Gretchen hopes to spend more time at Alan's house. read more

Welcome Home, Jake Season 11, Episode 17

Lyndsey finally learns that Alan is sleeping with Larry's sister; Walden tries to tell Barry he's got to find his own place. read more

How to Get Rid of Alan Harper Season 11, Episode 16

Alan starts dating Larry's sister; Walden thinks his new girlfriend is cheating on him. read more

Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin Season 11, Episode 15

Lyndsey faces a choice between Alan and Larry; Jenny worries about her relationship with Brooke. read more

Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe Season 11, Episode 14

Lyndsey breaks up with Larry, but doesn't tell Alan; Walden tries to make himself a role model for other men. read more

Bite Me, Supreme Court Season 11, Episode 13

Marty proposes to Evelyn, so Alan and Walden throw the millionaire a bachelor party. Guest stars include Carl Reiner, Tim Conway, Steve Lawrence and Garry Marshall. read more

Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. Season 11, Episode 12

Alan gets set up on a date with an assist from Lyndsey's boyfriend; Walden helps Nicole with her software project so she'll have time to go out with him. read more

Tazed in the Lady Nuts Season 11, Episode 11

Walden joins a beautiful former employee on a new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk losing her. read more

On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer! Season 11, Episode 10

Jenny's one-night stand could turn into a second date with some help from Walden. Meanwhile, Alan gets hit on by his transgender girlfriend's ex-wife; and receives a Japanese delicacy from his son for Christmas. read more

Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer Season 11, Episode 9

Walden's date with a model who's accident-prone lasts a lot longer than he imagined; Alan goes out with a woman who's not bashful about sharing personal information. read more

Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. Season 11, Episode 8

Walden needs Rose's help when he's in danger because of Alan and Lyndsey's affair. read more

Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie Season 11, Episode 7

Lyndsey's jealous rage spoils Alan's evening when he and Walden have dates with two beautiful women. read more

Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants Season 11, Episode 6

Walden invites Lynda Carter for dinner when Alan reveals his longtime crush on the "Wonder Woman" star. read more

Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 Season 11, Episode 5

Alan befriends Lyndsey's boyfriend to see what he has that Alan doesn't; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career. read more

Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank Season 11, Episode 4

Walden parties with Jenny and her friends; Alan and Lyndsey's affair is jeopardized. read more

This Unblessed Biscuit Season 11, Episode 3

Berta injures her back at work, and Alan and Walden wonder if it's time for her to retire. read more

I Think I Banged Lucille Ball Season 11, Episode 2

Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her boyfriend, Marty, when space in Walden's house is limited. Meanwhile, Alan becomes Lyndsey's "other man." read more

Nangnangnangnang Season 11, Episode 1

Alan gets a surprise visit from Charlie's daughter, Jenny (Amber Tamblyn), in the Season 11 premiere, and it's clear this hard-partying, sapphic 25-year-old takes after her old man. read more

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped Season 10, Episode 23

In the series 10 finale, Walden goes out with a 22-year-old woman, but winds up becoming smitten with her grandmother. Meanwhile, Alan and Jake take a trip to bond as father and son. read more

My Bodacious Vidalia Season 10, Episode 22

Alan tries a more modern look when Walden attempts to help him out of his funk and jump back into the dating pool, but faces a moral dilemma after his new appearance attracts a married woman. read more

Another Night With Neil Diamond Season 10, Episode 21

Lyndsey's breakup with Alan leaves him crushed, so Walden tries to lift his spirits and help him get back on his feet. read more

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show Season 10, Episode 20

Jake cheats on his girlfriend, Tammy, with her 18-year-old daughter, and the brouhaha that erupts doesn't spare Alan or Walden. read more

Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon Season 10, Episode 19

Walden and Alan's attempt to take Herb's mind off his loneliness gets out of control when they party too hard. read more

The 9:04 From Pemberton Season 10, Episode 18

Alan moves in with Herb after he has a fight with Walden. read more

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries Season 10, Episode 17

Walden runs into his ex-wife, Bridget, at a singles event, and their conversation turns to reconciliation, but Alan worries that they're no longer compatible. read more

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby Season 10, Episode 16

Walden pleads with Kate to give their romance another shot when he's lonely on Valentine's Day. Meanwhile, Alan's holiday with Lyndsey doesn't proceed as he'd hoped. read more

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It Season 10, Episode 15

Alan is alarmed when Jake brings his thirtysomething girlfriend home for a visit; Walden tries to keep a secret from Alan. read more

Run, Steven Staven! Run! Season 10, Episode 14

Lyndsey is miffed when Alan won't give her a key to the beach house, so she decides to go on a date with a gynecologist. Meanwhile, Alan, Walden, Herb and Billy trade tales of their romantic woes. read more

Grab a Feather and Get in Line Season 10, Episode 13

Walden is ready to tell Kate the truth about his identity when he and Alan go to her fashion show in New York. read more

Welcome to Alancrest Season 10, Episode 12

Alan makes an investment in Kate's fashion line—using Walden's money. Meanwhile, Walden's double life as a poor man begins to wear on him. read more

Give Santa a Tail-Hole Season 10, Episode 11

Alan is alone for Christmas, while Walden continues to play his poorer alter ego. read more

One Nut Johnson Season 10, Episode 10

Alan helps Walden develop an alias to find a woman who doesn't just love him for his money. read more

I Scream When I Pee Season 10, Episode 9

Alan is surprised that his second ex-wife, Kandi, wants him back in her life. Meanwhile, Walden tries to make Berta's birthday special when she would rather not acknowledge it. read more

Something My Gynecologist Said Season 10, Episode 8

Alan has a surprising inspiration when he mulls making a commitment to Lyndsey; Walden enjoys the attention of a wealthy older woman. read more

Avoid the Chinese Mustard Season 10, Episode 7

Walden hires an actress to be his girlfriend when he tires of the ups and downs of traditional relationships. Meanwhile, Missi and Jake make plans for a rendezvous at the beach house. read more

Ferrets, Attack! Season 10, Episode 6

Walden has a romantic dilemma involving a choice between Rose and Zoey. read more

That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam Season 10, Episode 5

Walden begins dating Rose—who was in Paris the day Charlie died—much to Alan's dismay. read more

You Do Know What the Lollipop's For Season 10, Episode 4

A visit from a friend's daughter makes Walden feel his age. read more

Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt Season 10, Episode 3

Alan and Lyndsey vow to liven up their sex life. read more

A Big Bag of Dog Season 10, Episode 2

Walden's mental health deteriorates after his breakup with Zoey. read more

I Changed My Mind About the Milk Season 10, Episode 1

Walden gets a hand from singer Michael Bolton in the Season 10 premiere when he makes big plans to surprise Zoey on her birthday. read more

Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! Season 9, Episode 24

In the ninth-season finale, Jake makes an important decision about his future after graduating from high school. read more

The Straw in My Donut Hole Season 9, Episode 23

Alan gets out of the hospital and is greeted warmly by his loved ones, but Zoey wonders what the fuss is about. read more

Why We Gave Up Women Season 9, Episode 22

Kathy Bates guest stars as Charlie's ghost when Alan is hospitalized following a minor heart attack. read more

Mr. Hose Says "Yes" Season 9, Episode 21

Walden's relationship is put to the test when Zoey and her daughter become his new housemates. Meanwhile, Alan moves in with Lyndsey. read more

Grandma's Pie Season 9, Episode 20

Walden tells Zoey his new business partner is his ex-wife, Bridget; Alan and Lyndsey struggle to get used to their mothers' relationship. read more

Palmdale, Ech Season 9, Episode 19

Alan and Lyndsey's mothers meet for the first time; Jake and Eldridge want Walden to drive them to a party. read more

The War Against Gingivitis Season 9, Episode 18

Walden is taken aback when he gets a surprise visit from his bitter former business partner, who's looking to mend their differences. read more

Not In My Mouth! Season 9, Episode 17

A brush with death drives a wedge between Walden and Zoey; Alan wonders about Lyndsey's drinking habits. read more

Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy Season 9, Episode 16

Tempers flare when Walden, Alan, Lyndsey and Zoey are trapped in the house during a storm for a sequestration that might result in another Valentine's Day massacre. read more

The Duchess of Dull-In-Sack Season 9, Episode 15

Walden tries to get Zoey to relax by introducing her to Berta's "enhanced" brownies. read more

Slowly and in a Circular Fashion Season 9, Episode 13

Walden's ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help. read more

One False Move, Zimbabwe! Season 9, Episode 12

Alan falls for Walden's mom during her visit, in which she reveals a devastating secret from Walden's past. read more

What A Lovely Landing Strip Season 9, Episode 11

Bridget reappears just as Walden is romancing a new love interest. read more

Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes Season 9, Episode 10

Walden likes a British woman, but both Walden and the woman doubt that he's ready to date yet. read more

Frodo's Headshots Season 9, Episode 9

Alan comes home from the hospital and encounters a series of daunting challenges. read more

Thanks for the Intercourse Season 9, Episode 8

Walden redecorates, and the change unsettles Alan as it prompts him to think of losing Charlie. read more

Those Fancy Japanese Toilets Season 9, Episode 7

Jake develops a crush on his Japanese tutor, and his tutor has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan is fascinated by Charlie's journal, which Charlie left to him. read more

The Squat and the Hover Season 9, Episode 6

Walden receives divorce papers, but then he meets a woman who looks just like Bridget. read more

Giant Cat Holding Churro Season 9, Episode 5

Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party. read more

Nine Magic Fingers Season 9, Episode 4

Walden looks for Mrs. Right, and Alan wants Lyndsey back in his life. read more

Big Girls Don't Throw Food Season 9, Episode 3

Alan gives dating advice to Walden as he prepares to go out with Bridget; and Jake decides to drop out of school because that's what Walden did. read more

People Who Love Peepholes Season 9, Episode 2

In the conclusion of a two-part ninth-season opener, Judy Greer joins the cast as Bridget, Walden's ex-wife. read more

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt Season 9, Episode 1

In Part 1 of a two-part ninth-season opener, Ashton Kutcher joins the cast as brokenhearted billionaire Walden Schmidt. read more

That Darn Priest Season 8, Episode 16

Alan learns Rose's secret when he meets her "husband," and Rose uncovers Alan's Ponzi scheme. Meanwhile, Charlie scrambles to find time to be alone with Rose. read more

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak Season 8, Episode 15

Charlie and Rose's affair continues while Alan's chiropractic business turns shady. read more

Lookin' for Japanese Subs Season 8, Episode 14

Charlie can't get over Rose being married, and he begins to stalk her; and Alan is worried when Jake and Eldridge make videos of each other performing dangerous stunts. read more

Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup Season 8, Episode 13

Alan becomes paranoid when Charlie and Lyndsey start to become friends. read more

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead Season 8, Episode 12

Charlie and Courtney split up, and a depressed Charlie seeks solace from his psychiatrist, Dr. Freeman. read more

Dead from the Waist Down Season 8, Episode 11

Alan gets creative with a gift for Lyndsey when he's ashamed that he can't afford an expensive present. read more

Ow, Ow Don't Stop Season 8, Episode 10

Charlie spends money wildly for his old lover Courtney, who returns after spending three years in prison. read more

A Good Time in Central Africa Season 8, Episode 9

Berta takes a few days off and Charlie falls for the woman who replaces her. read more

Springtime on a Stick Season 8, Episode 8

Charlie and Alan plays matchmaker for Evelyn and try to set her up with Russell (Martin Mull), the pharmacist. read more

The Crazy Bitch Gazette Season 8, Episode 7

Charlie's new girlfriend grows frustrated with Rose, who continues to stalk Charlie. read more

Twanging Your Magic Clanger Season 8, Episode 6

Charlie dates a woman who's slightly older, but the age difference is just enough to trouble him. read more

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel Season 8, Episode 5

Alan pretends to be Charlie for a night, while Charlie is away getting cosmetic surgery. read more

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers Season 8, Episode 4

When Alan burns down Lyndsey's home, Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house. read more

A Pudding-Filled Cactus Season 8, Episode 3

Alan moves in with Lyndsey, but he continues his affair with Melissa, whom he meets at Charlie's house. read more

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer Season 8, Episode 2

Lyndsey asks Alan to move in with her, and an overjoyed Charlie tries to persuade Alan to accept the offer. read more

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud Season 8, Episode 1

In the eighth-season opener, Jake goes to live with his mom and Herb when he finds out that his dad is dating Eldridge's mom; and Charlie thinks it's time to cut back on his drinking. read more

This Is Not Gonna End Well Season 7, Episode 22

In the seventh-season finale, Charlie's license is suspended and Jake becomes his driver; and Alan plans to attend Chelsea's birthday party, which doesn't please Charlie. read more

Gumby with a Pokey Season 7, Episode 21

While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his former girlfriends. ZZ Top make a cameo appearance. read more

I Called Him Magoo Season 7, Episode 20

Alan plans a romantic night with his new girlfriend (Courtney Thorne-Smith), hoping for more intimacy. read more

Keith Moon is Vomiting in His Grave Season 7, Episode 19

Alan tolerates Jake's new friend, who is a bad influence, because he's attracted to the boy's mother, played by Courtney Thorne-Smith. read more

Ixnay on the Oggie Day Season 7, Episode 18

Tricia Helfer returns as Chelsea's college friend, whom Charlie meets again; and Alan has a surprising effect on a patient (Frances Fisher). read more

I Found Your Moustache Season 7, Episode 17

Charlie and Chelsea reunite briefly, giving Charlie hope that they could get back together. read more

Tinkle Like a Princess Season 7, Episode 16

Charlie goes to Las Vegas and returns with his new wife, but it's not Chelsea; and Chelsea's dad visits with his boyfriend. Stacy Keach, John Amos. read more

Aye, Aye, Captain Douche Season 7, Episode 15

Chelsea has had enough of Charlie's jealousy, which is threatening their relationship. read more

Crude and Uncalled For Season 7, Episode 14

Alan gets into a bar fight and lands in jail, while Charlie fears that Chelsea likes Alan's lawyer (Steven Eckholdt). read more

Yay, No Polyps! Season 7, Episode 13

Charlie gets a colonoscopy just to get out of a trip to see Chelsea's parents, but he returns home to find them there. Tom: Stacy Keach. read more

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste Season 7, Episode 12

Jake tries to win back his ex-girlfriend by writing her love songs, while Alan and Herb try to hide their friendship from Judith. read more

Warning, It's Dirty Season 7, Episode 11

Charlie teaches Jake the tricks of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for the holidays; Evelyn invites a legendary TV producer (Carl Reiner) to Charlie's for Christmas dinner. read more

That's Why They Call It Ball Room Season 7, Episode 10

Charlie discovers a secret that Chelsea's been keeping from him regarding her finances. read more

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair Season 7, Episode 9

Charlie's male ego is bruised when he learns that he hasn't been satisfying Chelsea; and Alan tries a cheap cure for his thinning hair. read more

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle Season 7, Episode 8

Chelsea's gorgeous college roommate (Tricia Helfer) comes to live at the house temporarily after a bad breakup, testing Charlie's restraint. read more

Untainted by Filth Season 7, Episode 7

Charlie and Alan wake up together...with a woman they don't recognize. read more

Give Me Your Thumb Season 7, Episode 6

Alan recommends breast-reduction surgery to Chelsea, which prompts Charlie to implement house-guest reduction, as in throwing Alan out. read more

For the Sake of the Child Season 7, Episode 5

When Alan and Charlie publicly humiliate Jake, he says he no longer wants to live with them. read more

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator Season 7, Episode 4

Alan handles a job for his mom, while Charlie plays mediator between Chelsea and Jake, whose relationship is on rocky ground. read more

Mmm, Fish. Yum Season 7, Episode 3

Alan ends up taking care of Judith's baby and her inebriated mother; Charlie is blackmailed by Jake, who has an incriminating photo of Charlie. Lenore: Annie Potts. read more

Whipped Unto the Third Generation Season 7, Episode 2

Alan's girlfriend, Melissa, moves in with him after Chelsea convinces Charlie that it would be a great idea, and the women take over the house. read more

818-jlkpuzo Season 7, Episode 1

In the seventh-season opener, Mia's reappearance has Charlie doubting his love for Chelsea, and he has to decide between the two women. Eddie Van Halen has a cameo. Mia: Emmanuelle Vaugier. read more

Baseball Was Better With Steroids Season 6, Episode 24

In the sixth-season finale, Mia comes back to town, and her return makes Charlie reconsider his feelings for Chelsea; and Alan, Charlie and Herb take Judith to the hospital when she goes into labor. Mia: Emmanuelle Vaugier. read more

Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth Season 6, Episode 23

Alan and Chelsea bond, and their time together gives Charlie a needed break to do the things he loves doing on his own. read more

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box Season 6, Episode 22

Chelsea moves into the house, and Alan feels like he's being pushed out. read more

Above Exalted Cyclops Season 6, Episode 21

Alan lets Chelsea arrange a blind date for him and her new friend, not knowing the friend is Rose (Melanie Lynskey). read more

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau Season 6, Episode 20

Evelyn meets Chelsea for the first time, and Charlie tries to keep them from becoming friends. read more

The Two Finger Rule Season 6, Episode 19

Charlie blows off steam by sharing a drunken night with Alan, Herb and his neighbor (Michael Clarke Duncan) after Chelsea discovers nude photos of another woman on his cell phone. read more

My Son's Enormous Head Season 6, Episode 18

When Chelsea gets sick, Charlie takes care of her---but he also tries to resist the urge to flee. read more

The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? Season 6, Episode 17

Charlie declares his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), but he isn't prepared for the response he receives. read more

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime Season 6, Episode 16

A flustered Charlie tries to get a half-naked woman out of his bed when he learns Chelsea is coming to see him. read more

I'd Like to Start With the Cat Season 6, Episode 15

Charlie ends up in couples counseling. Dr. Linda Freeman: Jane Lynch. Chelsea: Jennifer Taylor. read more

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie Season 6, Episode 14

Melissa (Kelly Stables) doesn't think Alan's family appreciates him, so she asks him to move in with her and her mom. read more

I Think You Offended Don Season 6, Episode 13

Judith is pregnant, and Alan suspects he's the father. Meanwhile, Jake is in a foul mood. read more

Thank God for Scoliosis Season 6, Episode 12

Charlie and Jake compete to win the affection of a waitress; Alan senses sexual tension between him and his receptionist. Shelly: Carol Kane. read more

The Devil's Lube Season 6, Episode 11

When Charlie's old friend and fellow womanizer (Emilio Estevez) dies, Charlie takes a hard look at his own lifestyle. James Earl Jones has a cameo. read more

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited Season 6, Episode 10

Alan considers early retirement when Evelyn offers to foot the bill for Jake's college education. read more

The Mooch at the Boo Season 6, Episode 9

Jake disappears with the daughter of Charlie's new neighbor, a former NFL player (Michael Clarke Duncan), and Charlie scrambles---and fumbles---to cover for him. Meanwhile, Charlie's Mercedes helps Alan get a hot date. read more

Pinocchio's Mouth Season 6, Episode 8

Charlie's new flame wants him to spend the night at her place. Meanwhile, Alan attempts to impose a punishment on Jake. read more

Best H.O. Money Can Buy Season 6, Episode 7

Alan tries to dodge Judith, who has become a little too needy, while Charlie and Herb go out in search of women. read more

It's Always Nazi Week Season 6, Episode 6

Alan jumps at another chance with Judith after she sends Herb (Ryan Stiles) packing. read more

A Jock Strap in Hell Season 6, Episode 5

Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religious conversion. read more

The Flavin' and the Mavin' Season 6, Episode 4

Charlie romances Alan's receptionist, and Alan has a bad feeling about the outcome. Melissa: Kelly Stables. read more

Damn You, Eggs Benedict Season 6, Episode 3

It's a series of firsts for the guys as Charlie attempts cooking, Alan tries dating two women at the same time, and Jake takes a swig of beer. Katie: Bridget Flanery. Angela: Helena Mattsson. Stephanie: Nikita Ager. read more

Pie Hole, Herb Season 6, Episode 2

Alan loans Charlie money, but takes things a step too far when he tries to get the cash back. Herb: Ryan Stiles. Ginger: Lisa Jay. read more

Taterhead Is Our Love Child Season 6, Episode 1

In the sixth-season opener, Charlie runs into an ex-girlfriend (Rena Sofer) whose son bears a striking resemblance to him. Russell: Martin Mull. Chuck: Aaron Refvem. Brenda: Meeghan Holaway. Clive: Brendan Patrick Connor. read more

Waiting for the Right Snapper Season 5, Episode 19

In the fifth-season finale, Charlie is tempted when he meets the daughter of the older woman (Susan Blakely) he is dating. Dr. Freeman: Jane Lynch. read more

If My Hole Could Talk Season 5, Episode 18

Charlie falls for an older woman (Susan Blakely) who writes self-help books; and Alan and Jake fight about a school assignment. Jeremy: Coby McLaughlin. Mike: Jack Plotnick. Jon Cryer directed the episode. read more

Fish in a Drawer Season 5, Episode 17

George Eads has a cameo in this episode in which a CSI team investigates a death at Charlie's house. The script was written by "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" scribes Sarah Goldfinger and Evan Dunsky. Sloane Jagov: Jamie Rose. Wes Tosterone: Michael Lowry. Det. Henry Ketchum: John Burke. Coroner: Ping Wu. Jenna: Hope Allen. read more

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty Season 5, Episode 16

While Alan plans Evelyn's wedding, Charlie plans his next conquest---his future stepsister (Jenny McCarthy). Teddy: Robert Wagner. Minister: Steve Tom. read more

Rough Night in Hump Junction Season 5, Episode 15

Alan is afraid that Charlie's womanizing has reached a dangerous level. Mia: Emmanuelle Vaugier. Dr. Freeman: Jane Lynch. Pepper: Anastasia Roark. Gretchen: Andrea Bogart. Sam: Barry Livingston. Fred: Clint Carmichael. read more

Winky-Dink Time Season 5, Episode 14

Charlie and Jake go on a double date; and Charlie arranges a date with a prostitute for Alan. read more

The Soil Is Moist Season 5, Episode 13

Alan dates a friend of Judith's, and the woman gossips about Judith's sex life. Herb: Ryan Stiles. Cynthia: Jessica Tuck. read more

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh Season 5, Episode 12

Rose returns from England and nurses a sick Charlie in her own unique way. Lulu: Cerina Vincent. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. read more

Meander to Your Dander Season 5, Episode 11

Charlie teaches Alan how to break up with a woman. Donna: Kimberly Quinn. Brenda: Eve Gordon. Georgia: Sandra Dee Robinson. Lilly: Gracie Maddox. read more

Kinda Like Necrophilia Season 5, Episode 10

Alan learns that it was Charlie who stole his high-school girlfriend years ago, and now he wants to get revenge. Gabrielle: Justine Eyre. Charity: Laura McLauchlin. read more

Tight's Good Season 5, Episode 9

Charlie fights his attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy). Teddy: Robert Wagner. read more

Is There a Mrs. Waffles? Season 5, Episode 8

Charlie may have a new career as a children's singing star. Artie: Richard Kind. Vicki: Ion Overman. Summer: Tina Morasco. Dakota: Lexi Jourden. read more

The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room Season 5, Episode 7

An argument with Charlie prompts Alan to take Jake and move in with Evelyn. Teddy: Robert Wagner. Nina: Simone Kessell. read more

Help Daddy Find His Toenail Season 5, Episode 6

Jake sneaks out to a concert that Alan told him he couldn't attend. Meanwhile, Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen in public with him. Melina: Jeanine Giovanni. Councilman Stewart: Richard V. Licata. read more

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat Season 5, Episode 5

Charlie babysits Linda's 4-year-old son, and he must find ways to keep the boy entertained. Linda: Ming-Na Wen. Clinician: Ernie Grunwald. Gary: Matt McKenzie. read more

City of Great Racks Season 5, Episode 4

Charlie is ready to consummate his relationship with Linda (Ming-Na Wen), but he keeps seeing the face of Rose (Melanie Lynskey) everywhere he goes. Dr. Freeman: Jane Lynch. Flight Attendant: Anna Graves. read more

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo Season 5, Episode 3

Having grown tired of young vacuous women, Charlie lets Alan arrange a date for him with a woman (Ming-Na Wen) his own age. Deedee: Jud Taylor. Donna: Kimberly Quinn. Luanne: J.J. Rodgers. Bailiff: Kurt Scholler. read more

Media Room Slash Dungeon Season 5, Episode 2

Alan's date (Janeane Garofalo) behaves strangely after they have sex; and Charlie acts weird following a meeting with his mom. Margaret: Jennifer O'Dell. Mitzi: Holly King. read more

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom Season 5, Episode 1

Alan and Charlie do their best to get Jake ready for his first day of junior high, but they end up doing more harm than good. Mike: Brian Turk. Julie: Monica Young. Dr. Pranjeep: Kris Iyer. read more

Prostitutes and Gelato Season 4, Episode 24

As the fourth season ends, Alan and Charlie's father issues surface when Evelyn's new boyfriend (Robert Wagner) befriends them and takes them to Vegas on his private jet. Hugo: Mike Connors. Rapper: Ian “Blaze” Kelly. Referee: Bob Rusch. Tiffany: Jacqueline Lord. read more

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin Season 4, Episode 23

A handyman (Enrique Iglesias) working at the house steals Charlie's latest lover. Chloe: Rachel Cannon. read more

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag Season 4, Episode 22

Charlie takes Jake to the track, where Jake comes into some serious winnings. Meanwhile, Alan is stuck at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Petey: Joel Murray. Lena: Andrea Savage. Jeanie: Nadine Ellis. read more

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous Season 4, Episode 21

Alan befriends a single gay father (Matt Roth), which prompts Alan and Charlie to reexamine their sexual identities. Meanwhile, Jake develops a crush on the man's daughter (Kay Panabaker). Dr. Freeman: Jayne Lynch. read more

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot Season 4, Episode 20

Judith's wedding approaches and Alan prepares Jake for the event. Meanwhile, Charlie continues his romance with Myra (Judy Greer), Herb's sister. Shannon: Deirdre Lovejoy. Tailor: Avner Garbi. Minister: Bob Rumnock. read more

Smooth as a Ken Doll Season 4, Episode 19

As Judith and Herb's wedding day nears, Charlie befriends Herb's sister. Myra: Judy Greer. Bethany: Sara Erikson. Herb: Ryan Stiles. read more

It Never Rains in Hooterville Season 4, Episode 18

When Jake takes down his Harry Potter posters and replaces them with pictures of women, Alan feels like he's losing his little boy and has a midlife crisis. Rodney: Frankie Jay Allison. Detective: Ben Hermes. Kandi: April Bowlby. read more

I Merely Slept With a Commie Season 4, Episode 17

Evelyn complains about the lack of mourning at a friend's funeral, leading Charlie and Alan to be brutally honest with her about what hers could be like because of how she treats people. But they discover that not everyone feels the same way about her when they drop by on her birthday. read more

Young People Have Phlegm Too Season 4, Episode 16

Charlie starts dating a 24-year-old named Robin (Brooke D'Orsay) and Alan warns him that he's too old to keep up. Charlie not only ignores his brother, but he talks Alan into a double date with one of Robin's young friends. Donna: Morgan Fairchild. Megan: Molly Morgan. read more

My Damn Stalker Season 4, Episode 15

Charlie thinks Rose is joking when she says she's moving to London, but then he finds out it's true and realizes he's taken her for granted. Meanwhile, Alan hits it off with his online date (Allison Janney), but he tells her that the house is his and that he's a chiropractor to the stars. Sheri: Andrea Lynn Silvers. read more

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami Season 4, Episode 14

Charlie's new neighbor (guest star Brooke Shields) seems uncannily like Alan, which prompts Charlie to try and fix them up with the hope that they'll fall in love---and he'll get rid of Alan. Vanessa: Deprise D. Brescia. Eva: Carly Thomas. read more

Don't Worry, Speed Racer Season 4, Episode 13

Alan confronts Judith when Jake mentions that he hears his mom and Herb (Ryan Stiles) having sex; Charlie discovers that he's repressed his own memory involving his mom and a sexual partner. Hiroshi: Sab Shimono. read more

Castrating Sheep in Montana Season 4, Episode 12

Charlie discovers that Alan has been secretly dating Berta's daughter (Sara Rue) and worries about how Berta will take the news, but he and Alan are taken by surprise by her uncharacteristic reaction. Hector: Marco Sanchez. read more

Walnuts and Demerol Season 4, Episode 11

On Christmas Eve, Charlie's lusty plans for his date are thwarted by guests who keep stopping by, especially Evelyn, who is determined to keep them apart for some unexplained reason. Dorothy: Susan Sullivan. Gloria: Jessica Collins. Herb: Ryan Stiles. read more

Kissing Abraham Lincoln Season 4, Episode 10

Charlie's latest lover takes over his house and pushes Berta's buttons by treating her like a maid, and he is too influenced by sex to stop her. Meanwhile, Alan's distracted from trying to get Kandi to agree to sell their condo after she asks him for sex. read more

Corey's Been Dead for an Hour Season 4, Episode 9

Charlie gets tired of Alan's mooching and reaches the breaking point during the brothers' double date. Nina: Rachel Cannon. Vicki: Danielle Bisutti. Gordon: J.D. Walsh. Bobby: James Edson. read more

Release the Dogs Season 4, Episode 8

Alan has insomnia but refuses to take pills, opting for a visit to his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch), who reveals that the cause is Alan's jealously of Charlie and his ability to glide through life. Taylor: Melanie Abramoff. Kelly: Kelly King. Officer Roberts: Bruno Amato. read more

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head Season 4, Episode 7

Charlie goes with Berta to help her confront the man who impregnated her daughter (Sara Rue), who comes to the house to help Berta clean. Meanwhile, Alan has an unusual fetish. Ronald Wiedermeier: Andy Mackenzie. Darlene Wiedermeier: Julianne Grossman. read more

Apologies for the Frivolity Season 4, Episode 6

Charlie dates a woman (Katherine LaNasa) whose personality is unbelievably similar to his mother's, and everyone sees it except Charlie. Bobby: James Edson. Andy: Andy Pessoa. Joey: Brandon Killham. read more

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility Season 4, Episode 5

When Judith announces she's remarrying, Charlie and Alan find themselves helping her fiancé (Ryan Stiles) get over his cold feet so that Alan will finally be free from paying alimony. read more

A Pot-Smoking Monkey Season 4, Episode 4

Alan threatens to get legal representation if Kandi doesn't agree to joint custody of their dog, until he learns that Kandi's lawyer (Christopher Neiman) is the cutthroat who helped Judith in their settlement. Officer No. 1: Andre Ware. Officer No. 2: Michael Patrick McGill. read more

The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress Season 4, Episode 3

Charlie nearly drowns while surfing and has a vision of his father's floating head, which tells him to do the unthinkable---take care of his mother. read more

Who's Vod Kanockers? Season 4, Episode 2

Charlie finally tells Alan that he ended it with Mia because she wanted Alan and Jake to move out. Meanwhile, Charlie has problems with his neighbor, rocker Steven Tyler (who appears in a cameo). read more

Working for Caligula Season 4, Episode 1

Charlie settles back into his old bachelor ways until Alan faces an emotional crisis. Sally: Marisa Tayui. Tina: Sandra McCoy. Cindy: Mia Kelly. Marie: Katie Weaver. read more

That Pistol-packin' Hermaphrodite Season 3, Episode 24

Conclusion. As Charlie and Mia make wedding plans, Alan and Jake are concerned about where they will live. And Rose doesn't take the wedding news well. Leon: John Vance. Rev. Yarnell: Steven Shaw. read more

Arguments for the Quickie Season 3, Episode 23

Part 1 of two. Mia's dance troupe is in town and she reserves four ballet tickets for the Harpers, but Charlie is suspicious of her motives for seeing him again. Jennifer: Cheyenne Casebier. Theresa: Maria Tornberg. Mia: Emmanuelle Vaugier. read more

Just Once With Aunt Sophie Season 3, Episode 22

When a girl (Stephanie Brown) invites Jake to his first boy-girl party, Charlie robs Alan of the chance to offer his son advice on women by beating him to the task. Alan also feels slighted that Charlie never gave him that much-needed advice in their youth. Ricky: Ralph Cole Jr. read more

And the Plot Moistens Season 3, Episode 21

Alan falls for Jake's teacher (Julia Campbell), whose intelligence is a refreshing change from Kandi's flakiness. Meanwhile, Charlie helps Jake with his audition for the school musical. read more

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro Season 3, Episode 20

While Alan rushes to Kandi, who's living with Judith, to try and win his girlfriend back, Charlie sleeps with Kandi's mother (Gail O'Grady). Meanwhile, Kandi sets Judith up on a date with her dad (Kevin Sorbo). Kandi: April Bowlby. read more

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin Season 3, Episode 19

Alan's girlfriend (April Bowlby) moves in with him, and the new situation creates tension in the house. read more

The Spit-Covered Cobbler Season 3, Episode 18

Alan starts paying his girlfriend's bills and runs into financial problems. read more

The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer Season 3, Episode 17

Charlie is tricked by his mom and Alan into attending a jingle writers awards dinner, a prize he's never won, where he has to endure comments from a pompous multiple winner (Jon Lovitz). Gordon: J.D. Walsh. read more

Ergo, the Booty Call Season 3, Episode 16

Alan does his best to avoid the awkwardness of having his 22-year-old girlfriend attend Jake's birthday party. read more

My Tongue Is Meat Season 3, Episode 15

Mia (Emmanuelle Vaugier) and Charlie clash over his lifestyle. read more

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded Season 3, Episode 14

Charlie and Mia (Emmanuelle Vaugier) decide to make love, but after the long wait, he's worried that he won't live up to her expectations. Meanwhile, Alan has his hands full with one of Charlie's former lovers. Kandi: April Bowlby. Alan: Jon Cryer. read more

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium Season 3, Episode 13

Charley uncharacteristically finds himself in a relationship that isn't based on sex. read more

That Special Tug Season 3, Episode 12

Charlie goes to a psychiatrist (Jane Lynch) to try and learn how to deal with Alan's emotional problems. Terry: Andrea Bendewald. Beth: Valerie Azlynn. read more

Santa's Village of the Damned Season 3, Episode 11

Alan starts dating a Martha Stewart-like perfectionist (Josie Davis) who takes command of the house during the holidays. Alan: Jon Cryer. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Something Salty and Twisted Season 3, Episode 10

Charlie helps Alan with his unhealthy need to always to gain approval from women. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. Alan: Jon Cryer. read more

Madame and Her Special Friend Season 3, Episode 9

Cloris Leachman plays Charlie's wealthy neighbor who wants Alan to be her boy toy. Meanwhile, Jake wants to send money to a televangelist. Kim: April Bowlby. Hector: Phil Abrams. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

That Voodoo That I Do Do Season 3, Episode 8

Charlie dupes Jake into joining a ballet class just so he can flirt with the teacher (Emmanuelle Vaugier). Jake: Angus T. Jones. Alan: Jon Cryer. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. read more

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop Season 3, Episode 7

Martin Sheen guest stars as Rose's dad, who confronts Charlie and asks what his intentions are towards his daughter after an inebriated Charlie sleeps with Rose on her birthday. Margaret: June Squibb. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Alan: Jon Cryer. read more

Hi, Mr. Horned One Season 3, Episode 6

Charlie is thrilled that he's dating a hot, exciting woman (Jodi Lyn O'Keefe), but Alan can't find much to like about her. In fact, he's sure that she has put a curse on both Charlie and him. read more

We Call It Mr. Pinky Season 3, Episode 5

Charlie becomes impotent when armchair psychoanalyst Rose tells him he has unresolved issues with his mom. Meanwhile, Alan gets angry when Charlie gives Jake advice about girls. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. read more

Your Dismissive Attitude Towards Boobs Season 3, Episode 4

Alan lets Berta stay at Charlie's house for a few days, which causes a rift between the brothers and forces Alan to look for a new place to live. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Alan: Jon Cryer. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. read more

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark Season 3, Episode 3

When Charlie learns that Alan has been dating Judith and hoping to get back together, he does everything he can think of to keep them apart. Sandy and Mandy Bentley guest star. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. read more

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover Season 3, Episode 2

Charlie answers phones at Alan's chiropractic office while his brother's away, and turns the place into a brothel when he hires a masseuse. Meanwhile, Alan has to meet with Jake's principal to discuss a picture Jake drew. Coco: Candace Kita. Tanya: Anna Pheil. read more

Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts Season 3, Episode 1

Alan is laid up after falling off the roof, so Charlie spends a weekend caring for Jake, whose needs and wants interfere with Charlie's social life. Betsy: Kim Oja. read more

Does This Smell Funny to You? Season 2, Episode 24

In the second-season finale, told through flashbacks as Jake reads a report to his class, an angry husband (Orson Bean) confronts Charlie for sleeping with his wife. Natalie: Karen Trella. Teacher: Patricia Bethune. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab Season 2, Episode 23

A women's volleyball team walks into a bar. It's no joke, but a godsend for Alan and Charlie, who are drinking away the guilt of letting Jake stay with Evelyn. Danielle: Catherine McCord. Kimberly: Christina Chambers. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother Season 2, Episode 22

Alan foolishly borrows money from Evelyn to buy a Porsche, and in turn she asks him to go on a blind date with the daughter (Chloe Webb) of a man she's dating. Cab Driver: Jay Harik. Waiter: John O'Brien. read more

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On Season 2, Episode 21

Alan, Jake and a reluctant Charlie accompany Evelyn to the funeral of one of her ex-husbands, and Charlie starts hitting on the young and beautiful widow (Cynthia Preston). Christine: Gigi Rice. Minister: Steve Tom. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. read more

I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey Season 2, Episode 20

When Charlie and Alan antagonize each other like adolescent boys, Rose gets them to sit down and discuss their unresolved issues. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Judith: Marin Hinkle. read more

A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise Season 2, Episode 19

A bold Alan asks out Sherri (Jeri Ryan), who was indifferent to Charlie when they dated, and, to everyone's surprise, she's attracted to Alan. Stephan: James Edson. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Alan: Jon Cryer. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. read more

It Was 'Mame,' Mom Season 2, Episode 18

Charlie persuades Alan to pretend they're a couple to impress a gay ad-agency exec, then has a dilemma when he falls for the man's gorgeous ex-wife (Lucy Lawless). Eric: David Starzyk. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. read more

Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! Season 2, Episode 17

A wild night of pleasure leaves Charlie in severe back pain, but it's not enough to keep him from hitting on his beautiful doctor (Alicia Coppola), which appalls Alan. Debbie: Kristen Miller. Male Nurse: Ken Jeong. Nurse: Helen Greenberg. read more

Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? Season 2, Episode 16

Judith goes to Hawaii, leaving Jake with Alan and Charlie for an entire week, and everything that can go wrong does for all three...er...two and a half men. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Alan Jon Cryer. read more

Smell the Umbrella Stand Season 2, Episode 15

Worried over getting a colonoscopy, Alan takes Charlie's advice to go with him to Las Vegas and to bring Jake. But obstacles keep delaying the outing, including Jake getting sick. Anesthesiologist: Suzanne Whang. Doctor: Mark Chaet. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Those Big Pink Things With Coconut Season 2, Episode 14

Evelyn pushes Alan too far when she crushes Jake's self-esteem, and he tells her she's no longer allowed to see her grandson. Dr. Little: Bob Morrisey. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Judith: Marin Hinkle. read more

Zejdz zmoich wlosow (Get Off My Hair) Season 2, Episode 13

When a water pipe breaks in Judith's home, flooding the house, Alan invites her to stay at Charlie's until the repairs are finished, but when she goes on a date while staying there, he regrets his kindness. Camille: Nicole Forester. Svetlana: Magdalena Zielinska. read more

A Lungful of Alan Season 2, Episode 12

A high-school friend (Paget Brewster) visits Alan, who is awed by how beautiful she's become; and the transformation doesn't escape Charlie's notice either. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos Season 2, Episode 11

Charlie learns that there is a Web site devoted to trashing him and his womanizing ways. Meanwhile, Alan mistakenly thinks Judith wants to get back together with him. Gail: Jodi Lyn O'Keefe. read more

The Salmon Under My Sweater Season 2, Episode 10

Alan and Rose begin a surprisingly close friendship that could become something more. Meanwhile, Charlie tries to compose a theme song for a cartoon based on a comic book. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Yes, Monsignor Season 2, Episode 9

Charlie's old flame Lisa (Denise Richards) returns. She's no longer married, but has a child for whom Charlie feigns interest in order to win over Lisa. The couple's real-life daughter appears as the infant. Megan: Audrey Wasilewski. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers Season 2, Episode 8

In a strange reversal for the brothers, Alan meets a woman (Kelley West) at the supermarket who releases his uninhibited wild side. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana Season 2, Episode 7

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's disturbed sister (Camryn Manheim) as a caterer after Evelyn guilts them into throwing a party for her. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Alan: Jon Cryer. read more

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance Season 2, Episode 6

A guilt-riddled Charlie confesses he did something to Alan when they were kids that has affected Alan's life negatively. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Bad News From the Clinic? Season 2, Episode 5

Charlie meets his match in a self-centered woman (Jeri Ryan) who takes control of the relationship and treats him the same way he usually treats his dates. Alan: Jon Cryer. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Go Get Mommy's Bra Season 2, Episode 4

Charlie trades cars with his mother so that she can impress a client with his Mercedes, but later regrets his decision when he learns how she used his vehicle; Alan is bothered that Jake seems to like Judith's new boyfriend more than him just because the man has a boat and a pool. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Alan: Jon Cryer. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

A Bag Full of Jawea Season 2, Episode 3

Jake could be suspended for making an obscene gesture at school, but Charlie thinks he has a way to fix things with the teacher (Missi Pyle) in order to keep her from punishing the boy. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Alan: Jon Cryer. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Enjoy Those Garlic Balls Season 2, Episode 2

Alan is shocked to learn that Jake's pediatrician (Ryan Stiles) is sleeping with Judith; while Evelyn confronts Charlie about his hatred for her and is joined by Berta and Rose who demand to know as well. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. read more

Back Off, Mary Poppins Season 2, Episode 1

Sean Penn, Elvis Costello and Harry Dean Stanton appear as themselves in the second-season opener in which Alan is hurt that Charlie excludes him from his regular meeting with his friends, which he refuses to call “a support group.” Coop: Bobby Cooper. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Judith: Marin Hinkle. read more

Can You Feel My Finger? Season 1, Episode 24

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big “V,” and we're not talking Vegas. Dr. Sperlock: Terry Rhoads. Naomi: Jenna Gering. Paul: Byrne Offutt. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. read more

Just Like Buffalo Season 1, Episode 23

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie. Linda: Romy Rosemont. Ruth: Cheryl White. Kathleen: Amy Farrington. Mandy: Yvette Nicole Brown. read more

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet Season 1, Episode 22

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure. Dr. Linda Freeman: Jane Lynch. Darlene: Amanda Swisten. Annette: Jamie Day. read more

No Sniffing, No Wowing Season 1, Episode 21

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer (Heather Locklear), who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario. Crystal: Alana De La Garza. Stuart: Marc Grapey. read more

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark? Season 1, Episode 20

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist (Jane Lynch). Vicki: Amanda Tosch. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Judith: Marin Hinkle. read more

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You Season 1, Episode 19

Judith's devious siren sister (Teri Hatcher) stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. read more

An Old Flame With a New Wick Season 1, Episode 18

Chris O'Donnell plays one of Charlie's ex-girlfriends, who is now a man. It gets better: He starts dating Evelyn (Holland Taylor), who's clueless about his past history with her son. Leanne: Rebecca McFarland. Berta: Conchata Ferrel. read more

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats Season 1, Episode 17

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital. Dr. Prajneep: Kris Iyer. Nurse: Vernee Watson Johnson. Gonzales: Ski Carr. read more

That Was Saliva, Alan Season 1, Episode 16

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie (Jenna Elfman), the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him. Judith: Marin Hinkle. read more

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick Season 1, Episode 15

Jenna Elfman plays a mysterious, slightly crazed woman whom Charlie invites to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems. Alan: Jon Cryer. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

I Can't Afford Hyenas Season 1, Episode 14

Charlie's financial manager (Richard Lewis) informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget. Susan: Elena Lyons. Ted: J.D. Walsh. read more

Sarah Like Puny Alan Season 1, Episode 13

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time. Desiree: Johanna Black. Kathy: Lori Lively. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. read more

Camel Filters and Pheromones Season 1, Episode 12

Berta's granddaughter (Megan Fox) spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old. Freddie: Noel Fisher. Berta: Conchata Ferrell. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Judith: Marin Hinkle. read more

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor Season 1, Episode 11

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image. Alan: Jon Cryer. Jake: Angus T.Jones. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. read more

Merry Thanksgiving Season 1, Episode 10

Denise Richards plays Charlie's engaged old love. Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him. Sheldon: George Wyner. Lenore: Christine Rose. read more

Phase One, Complete Season 1, Episode 9

Charlie is convinced that a woman (Myndy Crist) who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn. Dave: Christopher Jacobs. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. read more

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-ful Season 1, Episode 8

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show. Ms. Tuttle: Deena Dill. Brianna: Abigail Mavity. Katie: Katelin Peterson. Luis: Jacob Urrutia. Judith: Main Hinkle. read more

If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake Season 1, Episode 7

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer (Kristin Datillo) who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Alan: Jon Cryer. read more

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? Season 1, Episode 6

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter (Krista Allen) is a woman he's trying to avoid. Tommy: Madison Mason. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. read more

The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up With a Hump Season 1, Episode 5

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes. Kate: Liz Vassey. Gloria: Christine Dunford. Brooke: Tricia O'Kelley. Bill: Eric Allan Kramer. Alan: Jon Cryer. read more

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap Season 1, Episode 4

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper (Conchata Ferrell) storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell Season 1, Episode 3

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father. Cab Driver: Darryl Sivad. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. Evelyn: Holland Taylor. Jake: Angus T. Jones. read more

Big Flappy Bastards Season 1, Episode 2

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things. Jake: Angus T. Jones. Judith: Marin Hinkle. Alan: Jon Cryer. Charlie: Charlie Sheen. read more

Pilot Episode Season 1, Episode 1

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen) has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew (Jon Cryer, Angus T. Jones) move in with him. Evelyn Harper: Holland Taylor. Judith Harper: Marin Hinkle. Rose: Melanie Lynskey. read more

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Premiered: September 22, 2003, on CBS
Rating: TV-PG
User Rating: (1,526 ratings)
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Premise: A hit sitcom built on often-raunchy material, starring Charlie Sheen and, later, Ashton Kutcher begins with the premise of a Malibu bachelor (Sheen) whose life is disrupted when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move in with him. In the ninth season, Kutcher replaces Sheen, playing a billionaire with a broken heart. Briskly written and performed, the sitcom had fun spoofing Charlie Sheen's bad-boy reputation (which ultimately led to his exit from the series) and Jon Cryer's nervous energy.

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