Sasha Cohen by Jeffrey R. Staab/CBS
Jeers to CBS for jumping on - and falling off - the celeb-competition bandwagon with Secret Talents of the Stars. The Eye network's pathetic entry is hosted by John O'Hurley, but this feels more akin to his work on Family Feud than Dancing with the Stars (not to mention Seinfeld). He introduces contestants like Olympic skater-turned-contortionist Sasha Cohen, who again fails to match the gold-medal standard set by her predecessor, Dancing fave Kristi Yamaguchi. The motley panel of judges features R&B singer Brian McKnight, the unsinkable-until-now Debbie Reynolds and producer/designated hater Gavin Polone (who made a tasteless Brokeback Mountain joke about gay Star Trek vet George Takei that would've made Simon Cowell wince even more than Sulu's "singing"). Note to CBS: Some things should be kept secret.

For another take on Secret Talents of the Stars , read the Roush Dispatch.

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