A Special Semi-Threatening Message from Rainn Wilson
Hey
Office friends!
We are back in production! Season 5 has begun. It's going really well. I am mean it! I am not that drunk.
I want to pass along a letter from my friend and co worker, the great Rainn Wilson. I don't normally pimp people out but Rainn is very persuasive, making just a few threats. (
Just ask the kidnapped Jenna Fischer.)
DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY Wednesday, August 20th, is a truly historic day. It is Estonian Independence Day as well as the day when Sting wed his amazing wife, the multi-talented and ravishing Ms. Trudie Styler.
The best way I can think of to celebrate Estonian Independence and/or Sting's anniversary would be to go out and see my new movie,
The Rocker, which opens on... you guessed it, August 20.
I won't beg, but I will tell you in all confidence that if the film does not make at least $17.29 million in its first five days of release they will never, ever, ever let me star in a movie again. Ever.
Besides spreading the word to your friends and families and MySpace friends, here are some other helpful
Rocker promotional ideas:
1) Kidnap strangers and force them to buy tickets at gunpoint.
2) Obtain a grant to round up your cities' homeless population and bring them to an "educational film" about a former heavy metal drummer pursuing his dream of rock and roll stardom.
3) Take out a loan and simply purchase EVERY SINGLE AVAILABLE TICKET OF EVERY SHOWING in your area.
4) Lure strangers into the theatre with the promise of illicit sex and/or drugs.
5) Tattoo "THE ROCKER, IN THEATERS AUGUST 20" on your forehead.
6) Sit cross-legged in front of your local mall, douse yourself in kerosene, and threaten to set yourself on fire unless every showing is sold-out and all popcorn is free.
7) Bake sale!
If you pass this email along to 1,800 of your closest friends and family and they pass it to 1,800 of their closest friends and family and if everyone who reads this brings 74 people with them to the multiplex in the first three days of release, I have calculated that 1.7 billion people will see
The Rocker, making it the third most viewed film in human history.
Also, it's funny.
Estonia, Sting and I thank you for your time.
Rainn Wilson
