Big Day, Episode 3
's celebrity blogs are displayed in the reverse order that they were written, which is so that the reader can watch the author enjoy himself more and more. It would be kind of depressing to see them in the real order, from "Oh, wow! I get a blog! This will be fun!" to "Greta Garbo did not go far enough."
That's because it's a lot of pressure to come up with an interesting story each time. Here's a television secret: not every episode of
[Tuesdays at 9 pm/ET, on ABC] provides the sort of exciting behind-the-scenes anecdote that meets the incredibly high standards of a TVGuide.com blog. Sure, every once in a while you'll have to wrestle a sword away from a drunken
before he accomplishes his bellowed intention of driving to the set of
("There can only be one! There can only be one!"). But that's only three weeks out of 10. The other seven, you're searching for things to put in the blog. ("Maybe if I set Cooke's trailer on fire...? I'll tell him it was Krasinski.")
This was one of those weeks. Not a whole lot happened. Pretty calm. To be honest, that was why I enjoyed it. As we were shooting this episode, in real life I was only two weeks away from my real-life wedding to my lovely and patient fiancée, Tracy. We met in college, and have been together since. You know the story. It's true love, considering how often she is ashamed to be seen with me in public. The logical human response is not to commit your life to someone you have seen fight a stranger for wearing a Red Sox jacket. (In fairness, it was in Fenway Park.) That sort of thing has happened so much I can tell I've made a mistake by the look she gets on her face - a combination of amusement and sadness.
Anyway, when this episode was shot, we had reached that stressful point in the wedding preparation when Tracy was starting to realize exactly what she was getting herself into. Both of us were having the most exciting moment of our lives together, it just wasn't the same moment. She was spending her time focusing on every detail of the celebration of the beginning of our lifetime commitment. Meanwhile, the person she had chosen for said commitment was pumping his fist and holding up a letter that ABC sent
's producers, claiming that the bulge in last week's "trampy" sweatpants was too prominent and would have to be CGIed out. "Forget about the seating chart, woman! Do you know if Kinko's makes copies in marble?"
That's how it would go. She would prepare for the wedding, and I would come home and complain about the grueling 12 hours I had spent with my hand on
's breasts. "I'm doing this for you! For us! Now please, never ask me about the reception ever again."
Ultimately, though, there was something I couldn't get out of by faking sleep. That was our Pre-Cana. A Pre-Cana is a Catholic requirement in which you have to spend eight hours in a room with 15 other couples taking a class about your impending marriage. That pretty much sums up the Catholic approach to life: We go to traffic school before the wreck.
We went, and it actually wasn't that bad (for a wedding preparation) until we got to the point where everyone had to draw where they saw themselves in 10 years. I might have drawn something different if I had known the priest was going to show everyone's drawings to the class.
First, he showed Tracy's drawing, which was a man and a woman and two beautiful children. He liked it, even though, really, I think even
would have to admit it was kind of a cliché.
Then he showed my cartoon, which was a man and a tall, blonde woman. He was about to make a comment about the absence of children and what it said about our different expectations for blah-blah-blah when he noticed that Tracy is a brunette. "Steve, not to criticize your art, but... this doesn't look very much like Tracy at all."
"Oh, that's because it isn't. You said 10 years from now...."
As I kept talking, I noticed that churches are especially silent when you use the words "starter wife" in them. Tracy just had that look again.
Enjoy this week's show. It turned out to be way more entertaining than the process of making it.