I am so drunk. I am so drunk, I can hardly control my redheaded tongue. Meredith from The Office here. There's no telling what I'll say about Jim and Pam and the rest of the Office dirt. God help the bartender. He's like a priest. He hears things in the strictest of confidence in my drunken stupor. I can't tell you the bar or the bartender in case he has a weak moment. I am not waiting for the black coffee to kick in.

OK, here goes. This is the real story. Jim and Pam are never going to get together... in this week's episode, "Safety Training." Don't repeat that. You seem nice enough. You won't tell anyone that I said that, will you?

It's hot in here. I better open a window. I am drunk because I miss everyone. We just stopped working two weeks ago. Why am I drunk? That's why I am drunk. Is anybody listening to ol' Mer? Is anybody else feeling hot? I hope that's dried oatmeal on my sweater. I am drunk.

But who am I trying to kid? I'd be drunk even if I was at work. Anyway....

I am just getting over my hangover from the Lampshades' show on Saturday night. What a great crowd. Lots of Office crew there! John from the props department. Ken from makeup, Debbie from hair, and the great Melora Hardin! It was nice to have "Jan" in the house. She's got some great story lines coming up, but I am too drunk to remember what they are.

Life ain't bad. I am off to my home state, Pennsylvania, and my hometown, Philadelphia. I am doing something for the Philly FIT Festival at the convention center. I feel like I am in vaudeville - a little. It should be fun. I'll be performing on Sunday, April 15, at 2 pm on stage there. It's an interesting lineup. Me, Lainie Kazan, who is the Broadway star who just happened to play Nia Vardalos' mom in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and the little girl [Bianca Ryan] who won America's Got Talent. Like I said, vaudeville. I think it'll be a blast.

Is everybody happy now? My MySpace messages were packed with grateful fans thrilled that they finally get new episodes. The Office fans have been acting like guppies flapping around on the counter who finally got plopped in the water bowl. There is plenty more where that came from. Lots of new episodes juicy and ripe with comedy.

Steve [Carell] is on the roof in this week's episode. I felt like my neck was going to snap looking up at him all week. Boo-hoo, poor me. Maybe I shouldn't drink so much. Or maybe not.

Please watch The Office [Thursdays at 8:30 pm/ET, on NBC], now and forever.