Joan & Melissa LIVE at the Academy Awards5:30: I'm so glad my colleagues over at the channel have decided to go blue for the red carpet. Setting the tone for the evening, Joan Rivers begins with a slightly disturbing scene in which she spreads 'em for Matt Dillon in Crash and groans a lot. And she warns us that there are many more such scenes from the nominated movies to come. Next she gives a nod to Isaac Mizrahi's infamously presumptuous Golden Globes coverage at rival E!. "I would never be so presumptuous!" she declares while she pokes Lisa Rinna in the boob. Instead of groping her interviewees, she'll be using cards to indicate whether they are wearing underwear and/or have real breasts. This'll be interesting.
5:33: Joan gives her own thank-you speech tailor-made to offend her entire crew: "We are color-blind here at TV Guide. Right, black person?" Then she fills the timeread more
After the shell-shocked winners step off stage at the Golden Globe Awards, they go backstage to meet the press. When they find us reporters camped out in the Wilshire Ballroom of the Beverly Hilton Hotel, the stars are granted a second chance of sorts: They can either address the world with more eloquence than they mustered onstage, or simply make bigger fools of themselves! Once this TVGuide.com reporter got past surly security guards at the door, I took my seat and watched a parade of Lost thespians, Desperate Housewives and Brokeback Mountaineers take their shots. Read on to see how they fared in the media frenzy.
5:15 pm/PT What will Syriana scene-stealer George Clooney do with his best-supporting-actor trophy? "I'm going to put this on the hood of my car," he quipped. "Is that too much?" Everybody's a joker, George. But this time it's a plus: While Mr. Clooney couldn't resist making that Jack Abramoff crack onstage, atread more