Cooper Bates

This video needs a warning. A very serious warning. If you are in your office, close the door. Or if you are in your cubicle, break into an office and then close the door. Now, lower the shades. Slowly. There you go. Now pull out that Christmas bottle of wine you ve been saving. Brush the dust off the neck and using a series of paper clips and binder clips, take out the cork. Or, if you re home, draw the blinds, and pour yourself a bottle of vino the ol fashioned way. Now, turn the lights down low. Lower. Low-er. So low you can barely see your hand in front of your face. Now step out of that polyester suit you ve been slaving away in and put on your finest negligee. (This goes for the men as well.) Shave your legs if you have to, THIS MATTERS. Now pour two glasses of wine, light a couple of tea candles, play this song if it helps get you in the mood, and when you think you look your ultimate best and feel your most relaxed, watch this: That s right. Bradley Cooper SPEAKS F**KING FRENCH. Honestly, I don t even care what he s saying during this interview about his upcoming film Very Bar Trip 2 Hangover 2. Where the helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll did he learn this? In Never Have To Rape A Lady Cause She ll Always Say Yes Camp ? Jesus SEE-Huh-RIST, between the accent and the 3 chest hairs sprouting forth from his shirt bouton, this man is an irr sistible force sexuelle. (Ed. Note: I am learning so much French writing this post.) Because let s put it this way: If American Bradley Cooper could enter my pants before, now he can DOUBLE ENTENDRE. I ll just be suggestively molding baguettes out of raw dough in some bakery window somewhere waiting for Mr. Cooper to walk by so I can tase him and drag him in the back where we keep the big bags of flour and Kathy Bates him for a couple of years. Bye! UPDATE: The Debate Continues on National Live Television. Click here for even more French Bradley Cooper Intensity!