(Not that it has even left theaters yet.) Just when you thought you might be able to quit Brokeback Mountain... Universal has announced that the acclaimed drama, which earned Ang Lee a best-director Oscar, will arrive on DVD April 4.
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Joan & Melissa LIVE at the Academy Awards5:30: I'm so glad my colleagues over at the channel have decided to go blue for the red carpet. Setting the tone for the evening, Joan Rivers begins with a slightly disturbing scene in which she spreads 'em for Matt Dillon in Crash and groans a lot. And she warns us that there are many more such scenes from the nominated movies to come. Next she gives a nod to Isaac Mizrahi's infamously presumptuous Golden Globes coverage at rival E!. "I would never be so presumptuous!" she declares while she pokes Lisa Rinna in the boob. Instead of groping her interviewees, she'll be using cards to indicate whether they are wearing underwear and/or have real breasts. This'll be interesting.
5:33: Joan gives her own thank-you speech tailor-made to offend her entire crew: "We are color-blind here at TV Guide. Right, black person?" Then she fills the time
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The 78th Annual Academy Awards 8:01: The opening scene just demonstrates why we love Jon Stewart: No one does self-deprecation so funny. Not even George Clooney. I think my dog would look great in a Steve Martin wig.
8:05: At first, the Hollywood royalty aren't laughing quite as hard as I am at Jon's jokes — especially not at the one about the suffering caused by movie piracy. But nothing brings people together like a Bjork joke. (She was trying on her gown and Cheney shot her!) And then the gay Western montage. Not even Stewart knows how to follow up that hilarity, so I'm not even gonna try. Brilliant.
8:16: Nicole Kidman's weird intro for the best-supporting-actor nominees has me thinking right away that Clooney will win. And then he does; self-deprecation keeps working wonders. "So I'm not winning director." The music starts after about 10 sec
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Screen Actors Guild Awards The night actors pat each other on the back. Much like the Golden Globes, there wasn't a host. There were plenty of awkward moments of presenter chatter, and TelePrompTer problems out the Ziyi Zhang. Everyone was having issues reading the thing, except for the wonder known as Dakota Fanning. I mean, the 11-year-old was unflappable as she introduced Shirley Temple Black's life achievement portion of the evening. I seriously think she's genetically enhanced, like one of those Dark Angel characters. Some other highlights:
- I much appreciated the Peter Graves-Barbara Bain Mission: Impossible reunion, PrompTer issues and all.- I admit it: While I thought the beginning "I'm an actor" monologues were supremely cheesy, I fell for them. - Apparently, if your name's S. Epatha Merkers
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After the shell-shocked winners step off stage at the Golden Globe Awards, they go backstage to meet the press. When they find us reporters camped out in the Wilshire Ballroom of the Beverly Hilton Hotel, the stars are granted a second chance of sorts: They can either address the world with more eloquence than they mustered onstage, or simply make bigger fools of themselves! Once this TVGuide.com reporter got past surly security guards at the door, I took my seat and watched a parade of Lost thespians, Desperate Housewives and Brokeback Mountaineers take their shots. Read on to see how they fared in the media frenzy.
5:15 pm/PT What will Syriana scene-stealer George Clooney do with his best-supporting-actor trophy? "I'm going to put this on the hood of my car," he quipped. "Is that too much?" Everybody's a joker, George. But this time it's a plus: While Mr. Clooney couldn't resist making that Jack Abramoff crack onstage, at
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