We're finally here, folks: the end of our time on Desperate Housewives' Wisteria Lane. It has been eight long seasons of tragedy, tawdriness and tomfoolery, and it all comes down to this. But before we can kiss the ladies goodbye, there is still much left to resolve: Bree's on trial for the murder of Alejandro; Lynette and Tom Scavo are still separated; Julie Mayer is about to give birth; Renee and Ben's wedding is imminent; and Mrs. McCluskey's health has taken a turn for the worst. (Not Mrs. Landingham!) So rather than belabor every detail of the bloated two-hour finale, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to skip to the end and tell you where everyone ends up.
Two And A Half Men
Should I start watching Two and a Half Men now that Ashton Kutcher has taken over for Charlie Sheen?
Full disclosure: I'm a terrible choice to recap the premiere of Men 2.0 really. Did I enjoy watching the show over which Sheen formerly held court? Um, no. Did I watch an episode or two while visiting my parents in Florida for Easter and not really mind it exactly? Sure. Was I a Kutcher fan from his days on That '70s Show? Nope. Will I admit to watching — and moderately enjoying -- Dude, Where's My Car? while home from work hungover sick? OK, fine. That said, my feelings about the merger of the relative pop-culture magnetism of Two and a Half Men and Kutcher can be summarized in one simple word brought to the colonies by my Emerald Isle forebears: meh.
As near as I can gather, Charlie Harper (Sheen) died...
On Sunday's season finale of True Blood, at least three, possibly four former cast members, previously thought to be dead, or as dead as one can be on this show, returned for an extra-spooky, Halloween-set season finale. Great, you think, just what this show needs, more characters. But wait! This episode also has a steep body count, my friends. At least four series regulars appeared to die during this hour. It's really hoary cliff-hanger stuff that will continue to enrage you for the next 10 months or so until True Blood's fifth season is finally upon us. Who died? Who was resurrected? Let's do this: I'll tell you what happened during this jam-packed hour, and then I'll make some wildly speculative predictions about Season 5. Then you let me know if you agree in the comments section below. Deal?
On Sunday's episode of True Blood, the war between the witches and the vampires comes to a tentative resolution, with Bill and Eric narrowly avoiding the true death. Debbie and Marcus make a terrible pair. Andy makes a new friend... and a new vow. Jason and Jessica are, of course, still in love. Lafayette and Jesus' relationship, unfortunately, just became a threesome.
Sunday's episode of True Blood appeared to set up the final showdown of Season 4. With only two episodes to go, Antonia and Marnie refined their alliance, Tara and Holly discovered new powers, Eric regained his Eric-ness, Jason had second thoughts about Jessica, Tommy and Sam finally said goodbye, Terry staged an intervention for Andy and the vampires reasserted their dominance ... and they looked sexy doing it.
Sunday's episode of True Blood was notable in one respect: No Pam! Boo! But other characters were present, so let's talk about them while Pam sobs quietly in her coffin, rotting... While Sookie, Eric and Bill (and to a lesser extent, Alcide) did their familiar, increasingly tiresome tarantella, Antonia made a plan to confront the vampires, at an event called the Festival of Tolerance no less. Lafayette's new party trick of hosting other consciousnesses backfired this week when he became a Creole woman named Mavis. Sam and Luna went camping while Tommy's sib-shifting got him in trouble again. Debbie and Andy dealt with substance abuse. And Jason helped Hoyt and Jessica find closure.
Jim Parrack and Deborah Ann Woll
On Sunday's episode of True Blood, the true reach of Marnie's power becomes clear to Bill... and all vampires. Tara faces off with Pam. Jason struggles with his unnatural feelings for Jessica while she reconsiders her love for Hoyt. Alcide and Debbie join the Shreveport pack. Luna and Sam and Andy and Holly weather the first blush of their respective courtships. And Eric and Sookie have some more S-E-X.
Guys, I'm still out in L.A. at the fall TV previews, so I won't be able to write a full recap, but please use this space for your comments and I'll be back next Sunday.
True Blood, Ryan Kwanten
Sunday's episode of True Blood is a time of reckoning for all our friends in Bon Temps. Jason faces his first full moon post-werepanther attack. Tara's girlfriend visits from New Orleans. Lafayette and Jesus reconnect with family. Arlene and Terry barely escape serious harm. Tommy and Sam's sibling rivalry adds a new wrinkle. And Bill deals with the possibility that Sookie might have moved on, as her newfound flirtation with Amnesia Eric embraces yet another first...
Beavis and Butt-Head
Ready for more Beavis and Butt-Head? Hope so, because MTV is bringing it back this fall. Series creator Mike Judge (the big brain also behind King of the Hill and the movie Office Space) and MTV President Van Toffler, a self-described B and B fanatic, spoke to reporters Friday at the fall TV previews about why it's coming back and how it'll be different.
Fans of the original series, fear not: Beavis and Butt-Head are the same emotionally stunted man-children you remember from their 1993-1997 run on MTV. In fact, it'll mostly seem like no time has passed at all. "I didn't want to do a big, conscious forcing of modern stuff on them, only when it makes sense," Judge says. Millennial nods will include one episode in which the pair sees Twilight and decides they want to "get chicks" by becoming supernatural creatures themselves. So they...
On Sunday's episode of True Blood, Tommy and Sam somehow make each other dumber by joining forces. On the eve of the full moon, Jason has some strange feelings about Jessica... and Hoyt. Marnie and Bill meet, but neither is forthcoming with the other. And Eric's unwitting seduction of Sookie is sealed with a... well, you'll see!