Back in the Ballroom Again!

Leapin' lizards! It's time for another season of Dancing with the Stars. Welcome back, everyone! I've missed my weekly helping of D-list casserole — so let's get right to it, shall we?My first giggle of the season came in the middle of the opening dance by the pros. It wasn't my normal snicker about how the men's hips go all girlie, but a pure gleeful giggle at how cheesy this whole show is and what a dork I am for it. What's better? I get to goof on it all and then some of you write in and tell me what an idiot I am. This is the life!Penn Jillette — We've found this season's funny guy. He's not going to win but he'll last a few weeks because he's good for a chuckle. He should have Teller dress up like a girl and dance with him. Cha-cha 16 Jason Taylor — He's dancing with Edyta, so they have the hotness factor working for them. He was a bit stiff, but he definitely has potential. It's probably out of his comfort zone and he'll loosen up in no time.Fox-trot 22C... read more

"In Which Dell Finds His Fight"

First rule of Fight Club — never talk about Fight Club. Second rule of Fight Club? Never let your grandson find you old, bloody and sweaty over an almost dead man. I so called it! It was either that or a very aggressive orgy. Sign me up for that nursing home. The Fight Club one, not the orgy one. In honor of this very cool storyline, I bring you tonight's....(trumpet sounds)Hits & Misses List! Get it? Sigh.The Hits• Dell's grandfather Wendell (George Segal) and the "old man fight club", as Naomi put it. Not only was it cool to see the guy who knocked up Kirstie Alley in Look Who's Talking, but it was hilarious! Until Nate had a heart attack, that is. I really felt for Wendell. I'm sure it is rather boring in one of those places and his speech at the end about missing Dell's grandmother was heart-wrenching. He just wanted to feel alive again. We should all take his advice about fighting more (figuratively, of course) for what we want while we still have a chance!•... read more

And the Winner Is...

Helio Castroneves! Wow I am so happy and relieved right now. In my world of delusions, I like to think I had everything to do with this but I guess my Helio did some fantastic dancing all season and the voters out there recognized him for it. They brought out milk! I learned recently that it's a race car thing — they drink milk when they win a big race. I think it's weird, I mean why not champagne? It was a nice touch tonight, though. I'm just so glad Marie didn't win. Phew! You have no idea what a relief it was to have her out of the way after the first few minutes. But I don't want to dwell on the negative, I promised the Marie fans there would be no hard feelings and I meant it. Nanny Nanny boo boo! We won! Yeah! I am so immature.But in all seriousness, I think Marie was a bit miffed, no? Even last night she seemed to be acting a bit superior. She took any chance she had to sass the judges and didn't seem to think they had anything relevant (or true) to say. I know I've been... read more

A Mediocre Finale Night

I must say I thought I'd be more pumped after the finale, but I wasn't too wowed by most of the performances tonight. My Helio's final dance definitely made up for it, but he and Mel didn't give the Marie fans any reason to switch from the dark side. I think Mel may have lost the competition tonight. Her cha-cha was ok but that freestyle was not good at all. She looked like Marie trying to do a latin dance. Awkward! Maks basically danced around her. I was shocked that her hip-hop moves were so lackluster. I don't think it helped that the house band butchered their song, "The Way I Are". If I were Timbaland, I'd bust into that ballroom and scream. They tried to mimic the robotic voice in the song but ended up sounding like Ned from South Park. I disagreed with the score she received. It was not a dance worth a 27.When the judges picked the samba for Marie, I was excited. I thought they would lob her a waltz but when they picked her downfall (which is pretty much any latin dance), I w... read more

Dancing with the Stars: Season 5's Top Ten Moments

Well, it's been quite a journey! Here's a look back at some of the highlights from one of the most news-worthy seasons yet!10. A Surprising Final ThreeThe eviction of Jennie Garth over Marie Osmond showed us just how important the fan vote is to the show. 9. Mel B "Whips" It UpShe brought the paso doble to a whole new level with her use of a whip. No wonder she scored a 30 on it, the judges were scared!8. Helio Castroneves' QuickstepAfter a shaky few weeks, this week eight number was his comeback. And who could forget that lip lock at the end with Julianne?7. The Lift ControversyCarrie Ann took a cranky pill in week four and was all over the dancers about their feet leaving the floor. It had us checking on toes the rest of the season.6. Mark Cuban's ExitWhen Mark left, the competition shifted into high gear. He was the last of the "so-so" dancers and, with him gone, the good dancers were left to fight off eviction.5. Jennie Garth's TangoAfter the fall in week two, Jennie bounced ba... read more

"In Which Cooper Finds a Port in His Storm"

Ick. Trunk. A word I never thought would make me shudder now makes me want to throw all my high heels in the garbage. This ruins my whole grocery shopping experience. The phrase "honey, will you grab the stuff out of the trunk" doesn't sound so innocent anymore. Ick. At first, I was with Cooper and thought maybe Carl just had a rather know! But then I saw that x-ray. Yowza. Oddly, I kept wondering why he would put that end in the bad place. Wouldn't you want to start with something smaller? Like the heel? I guess he's a pro,he has been seeing Violet for a year now. Poor Addison, she just wants a normal guy. Another thing Addison wants is a baby, so I think Safe Surrender may not be such a good idea for her. All those babies with no one to care for them — of course she would get attached. It was very sweet how she bonded with Bat Girl/Melanie but I was glad the birth mother (am I wrong or was that Danielle Van de Kamp on Desperate Housewives?) came back for her. No w... read more

The Not-So-Shocking Final Three

Unbelievable! I just can't believe it. I want to bawl my eyes out. There are no words to express what I am feeling right now. Some moments just cut to the core of you and shake your very soul. Michael Flatley's performance was just so moving! Although, there was a surprising lack of curly haired beauties.Ok enough joking. I bet you thought I was talking about Jennie's shocking exit from the competition. Only it really wasn't so shocking. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Marie would make it through yet another round. If she can survive her tumultuous personal life, she can surely take on a reality show. At first, I was really annoyed. But the show is all about the fans and she's obviously who they want to see in the final. She may even be their choice for the winner. I guess we'll see. Believe it or not, I don't begrudge anyone their right to vote for who they want, but I surely don't have to agree. And I don't. With a passion. If you're with me, then we gotta get out there and v... read more

And the 10's Just Keep On Coming!

I'll admit, after the ballroom round, Marie had me thinking I should be backing her for the third spot in the finals. Then she did her mambo and I remembered why I wasn't. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't as polished as it should be. She still manages to look spastic when she needs to be looking flawless. Then I saw Jennie's cha-cha and I really knew I was right to want her in the finals with Mel and my Helio. Her technique is superior to Marie's and, despite her lack of confidence at times, she still carries herself better while dancing. I don't know how to explain it, something doesn't look right when Marie tries to do a latin dance. She is the most entertaining, as Len said, but I don't think it's enough to win this competition. Regardless, I don't think neither Marie nor Jennie can beat Mel or my Helio. Perfect 30's for both of their dances? Unstopable! Right now I kind of want both Jennie and Marie to step aside and let them battle it out! If Perfect 30's don't get them to the fin... read more

"In Which Sam Gets Taken for a Ride"

If there's one thing I can say about this show, it's that they get some fantastic guest stars. Christopher from Gilmore Girls and, my personal fave, Darlene Connor. With a gun. In the convenience store.But I'll get to that. My first priority is to cover the sex that went on and the sex that didn't. Cooper and Violet — did anyone think that was really going to happen? I'll be honest and say I thought it was going to be Violet who chickened out, but I like how it worked out. I thought Cooper was going to confess his love for her right there in his Skivvies! The dynamic between these two is more intriguing to me than Pete and Addison. There is a lot going on there and I hope it continues to unfold in these awkward ways.Pete and Addison — I was glad that didn't happen. It was way too soon for them to take it to that level. Early in the show, I wondered where their relationship would go if they did the deed at this point. I couldn't figure it out, but I knew it didn't make me h... read more

Let's Talk DWTS: Another Tense Eviction Night!

Time for Cameron to be written off the show! Cameron Mathison, Edyta Sliwinska by Carol Kaelson/ABC

Oh boy, is it Tuesday already? Time to say goodbye to another star. Let's hope it's not one of the better dancers like Mel B or my Helio. Did my passionate plea for justice work or did it fall on deaf ears? We'll find out within the hour. Stop back for my thoughts on the results...among other things! read more

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