Showdown at the Ballroom Corral

The stakes increased this week as each contestant was trying to make it to the second part of the season and the "double dance shows." Much like this season has hit the halfway point — my enthusiasm has hit a plateau. Fear not, this usually happens every year because I've come off the high of a new season and have settled in with the celebs. However, as we start picking off the decent dancers and get down to the end I know I'll get excited. Did that sound convincing? I think part of the problem is that no one seems to be improving that much and I feel we see the same dances every week. I'm looking for someone to turn it on and start making Kristi quake in her boots. Luckily, I have the real life drama of Shannon and Derek totally caught being all smoochy-smoochy on the beach to keep me invested. More on that later. It's time to add a twist of lemon to this D-List martini we call Dancing with the Stars. Jason — I still think he has a lot of loosening up to do, but I'd s... read more

Eviction Night 4

Well it was a very blue ballroom tonight. A blue-blue-blue ballroom, if you will. First Lady of rich deceased husbands, our very own Cilla, has been sent packing. Now don't be cruel, but it seems the judges and fans could help falling in love with her. She was definitely all shook up under that red light. After all, it was now or never. She may be feeling a bit lonesome tonight since she's a hunka hunka ballroom road kill, but she'll be always on our minds. I could go on all night! Ok, all puns aside, Priscilla was definitely an interesting contestant on this show and did a very impressive job. I enjoyed poking fun at her and even felt a bit bad about it, but she's going home to Graceland and 10 million thread count sheets so she can take it! I'm a bit surprised that she went this early, but with Marissa pulling it together it was only a matter of time. I'm scared that Cristián is next to go. Not to throw Marlee under the bus, but if we're going on dancing alone she should have... read more

Ay Ca-rumba!

Holy smokes, it's Latin Night! With the exception of the quickstep, I will take a Latin dance over a ballroom dance any day. There's something so mundane about the fox trot that makes me slip into a boredom-induced coma. Luckily, we get a whole night of booty-shaking goodness. Who will the samba and rumba take as a victim this week? Let's dab on some Eau de D-List and find out! Yes, I have a million of these stupid D-List intros and they are all corny and ridiculous. If you are rolling your eyes right now, my work is done! Mario — I enjoy his dancing so much it makes me crazy that more people aren't on the Mario bandwagon. He's very smooth and exudes sexuality. I hope he gains some fans so he can stay in the competition. Also, Karina is not my favorite pro but she looked amazing in that yellow outfit. Samba 27Cilla — Finally they left that woman's hair alone. She looked decent for the first time this competition. I'm extremely jealous that she can still do a split! I'm ea... read more

Eviction Night 3

I was glad we got to learn the bottom two tonight, but was shocked that it was down to Priscilla and Adam not Marissa and Adam. Sadly, the goof factor of this show is now gone and Adam won't be riding unicycles in a Zorro costume anymore. At least not in the ballroom! Since getting rid of Marissa wasn't an option, I was hoping Adam would stay over Priscilla. Obviously, she is way better than him but I get a lot more enjoyment out of his performances than I do hers. Also, I think Julianne is so adorable. Well, at least they got the encore dance this evening so they were able to perform together one last time.I loved how the show started with Sheryl Crow singing "All I Wanna Do". She looked great. Now that's how you rock a performance in HD after 40. She may be doing a little botox, but she doesn't look like plastic. I could be wrong though and she could just have great skin. I don't mind that the professionals dance during the musical performances, but I also thought it took away fro... read more

The Judges Lose Their Minds!

Still seething from the eviction of my beloved Mahoney and reeling from the embarrassment of totally getting fooled by the most obvious April Fool's joke ever, I decided to let it all go and move on! Who knows, maybe I'll have a new favorite after the night is over. After all, the paso doble is my second favorite dance and anyone can viennese waltz their way into my cold, black heart. It could be tough though because I'm sick and as cranky as Len on his worst day — so let's chew on some D-List stew!Kristi — Although Mark is still suffering from sporadic open-mouth syndrome, this was a great dance. I'm running out of nice things to say about them since every week is exceptional. If she's not in the final two, the voters failed her.Paso Doble 29 (grrrr looks like Len is cranky again!)Cilla — I realize that someone injected motor oil into this poor woman's face (or something crazy like that), but I don't think the excessive amounts of make-up she wears really helps. I ... read more

Eviction Night 2

This must be a cruel April Fool's joke! Mahoney Steve gone? Surely there is some mathematical error. I am completely heart broken right now. Gone — after his best dance yet? And Marissa is still here? I don't understand it one bit. He even got the encore dance! Best man dance ever. At least I have that to remember him by. So long, Steve. I hope to see you on an ABC show this fall because you deserve it!What does everyone think of the new policy of not revealing the bottom two? I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I found it refreshing because it did add a bit more suspense to the elimination process. The reveal that Marissa was safe in the middle of the show had me wondering who the unlucky contestant was. However, leaving Mario and Karina at the end with Anna and Mahoney Steve was pretty predictable. On the other hand, I think we need to know who the bottom two is so we know who is in jeopardy and who to give our votes.I loved the segment on the unorthodox hobbies of t... read more

Please Pass the Fiber!

The tango and the jive are two of the liveliest dances in the ballroom repertoire, so I knew we were in for an interesting night. The tango is by far my favorite (the pasa doble is a close second) because of the fire and emotion and the jive is entertaining because there is a lot of movement. But they are not just entertaining, they are challenging. The tango must be tight yet look effortless and the jive is crazy yet the movements must be controlled. There were some hits and misses tonight, so let's get to it! Marlee — I was anti-Fabian because he took over for my beloved Maksim, but he really won me when he screamed in her ear "Can you hear this?" That was hilarious. My only concern is that they were a bit out of sync tonight. It seemed he was a step ahead of her. They have to rely on other senses to work together, so I think in the coming weeks they will be able to get it together. Jive 21Mahoney (aka Steve for those of you under a rock) — This was by far an improvem... read more

Double Eviction Night

All the magic in the world couldn't keep Penn Jillette and Monica Seles in the competition. Good job, America. I wonder how long Adam Carolla will hang on? Marissa and him may be hanging on by the skin of their teeth. In the midst of the hour-long fluff that is the results show, I started thinking about what a colossal waste of time it is. Do I need two performances by the Jonas Brothers? Do I need to see people flying in mid-air? No, I don't. With the sixth installment under way, I must say this show is in need of a makeover. So let's get a discussion started: What do you want to see changed for next season of Dancing with the Stars? Maybe if we make enough noise, ABC will listen. Mmmm…not bloody likely. But at least we can say we tried! Here are a few of my suggestions:• Enough with the fluffThose two hour shows could easily be 90 or 60 minutes if they cut out the intro pieces before the contestants dance. Another option would be to considerably shorten them (do I need... read more

You say Mambo, I say Mango

Phew! Tonight was a marathon, not a sprint. As much as I love this show, 2 hours and all 12 competitors was a bit much for me. Luckily, there was nothing a good mambo couldn't fix. Raise your hand if you totally fantasize about being a competitor on this show. I do, I do! I always have the coolest dress, the best technique and a song that doesn't stink! Oh, and Maksim is my partner every time. Yeah, you know it!But enough about my delusions of grandeur, it's D-List casserole time. So get yourself a plate and I'll serve up some recap for ya! Mahoney — Could he be any cuter? Despite some major stiffness (hehe), he seemed to be enjoying himself. I hope he sticks around long enough to revive his career. ABC — get this man a pilot! Mambo 16Cristián — The military bit was ridiculous but his dancing was not. Thankfully, Cheryl has someone who can keep up with her this year.Quickstep 20Monica — It wasn't as big of a disaster as I thought, but it wasn't pretty eith... read more

The Women Take the Floor

Upon some reflection, I'd say the odds were in the women's favor tonight. With the exception of Mario, I didn't see a stand-out last night. Who would step-up? I wasn't so sure anyone would. Luckily, the ballroom gods had some surprises in store.Shannon Elizabeth — She has never-ending legs so she should continue to work that for some of the male vote because unless she improves, she may not be around long. Did anyone else know she's going to be 35 this year? So is Monica Seles! She looks so much younger than Monica. That's a darn shame. Cha-cha 21Monica Seles — She said she's best known for her power shot. The only thing I remember about her was the look on her face when some crazy person stabbed her in the back. Can you imagine? Literally stabbed in the back! Ok, it was the shoulder — but close enough! That must have been painful. You know what else was painful — that Pepto-Bismol pink dress she had on. Don't get me started on her dancing. All I'll say is she n... read more

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