This was a bizarre game for me. I feel like the score indicates this was a different game from the one I was watching: the score says the Vikings mounted 4 separate scoring drives and the Bears had 3; my eyes say neither of these offenses were capable of doing squat. If this had been a repeat of the 3 to 0 Mud Bowl between the Steelers and the Dolphins, I wouldn’t have been surprised (though I would have been surprised by any mud in this game since it was played indoors in Minnesota). But there were enough big plays, turnovers, and penalties to enable each of these teams to score, and the Minnesota Vikings scored more, leading to a 20 to 10 victory over the Chicago Bears.1st Quarter: The Bears managed to take the lead this quarter thanks to a fortuitous interception by Brian Urlacher. The ball was jarred loose and popped right into his hands. Thanks to two false start penalties, the Bears weren’t able to move much, but did manage to get a field goal, making it 3 to 0 Bears...
read more
Sad times in Atlanta on Monday: Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison and depicted in a courtroom sketch as wearing a cartoonish prison uniform (really? They still do the black and white stripes? Or was he wearing a throwback uniform?); Falcons owner Arthur Blank (a man who invented his very own type of stare) somehow has a five o’clock shadow only on his upper lip; and their team was ripped by the New Orleans Saints 34 to 14. The New Orleans Saints, on the other hand, looked impressive, despite the absence of star Reggie Bush (he’s out for the season), as they try to make a push for the playoffs1st Quarter: It looked like it might be a game after this quarter. I think I’ve typed this same sentence for every Monday Night Football game this season. If the NFL won’t let ESPN have a flex schedule, allowing them to swap out awful matchups like this one, then maybe the network should shorten the game to 15 minutes? They could have 4 games on Mondays ins...
read more
If you’re ever at a moment in your life where you’re feeling extremely unpopular, just think about the treatment Ravens coach Rex Ryan must be getting in Baltimore today. And over the next several days. This was a game the Baltimore Ravens could have (and should have) won, if not for a last second time out Ryan called to nullify a Baltimore stop of the New England Patriots on 4th and 1 late in the game. Instead Tom Brady and the Patriots took advantage of the second chance to win the game with 44 seconds left on a TD pass to Jabar Gaffney.1st Quarter: When I see the New England Patriots, I’m reminded of their great accomplishments from seasons past, and what they’re doing this season. When I look at the Baltimore Ravens, I am reminded that I need to start watching the first season of The Wire on DVD. I’ve heard great things about it. After this quarter, it looked like the Ravens were prepared to give the Patriots a fight, leading 7 to 3 at the end of it. But...
read more
If you sat through this entire game, odds are you no longer believe in God. Thanks to some of the ugliest weather conditions I ever remember seeing for an NFL game, this was one of the ugliest NFL games I ever remember seeing. Pop Warner was interviewed after the game and said “Jeez. That was terrible.” And he’s been dead since 1954. You figure he would have been happy just to see a game. In the end, the Pittsburgh Steelers overcame the muddy, rain soaked conditions (and the Miami Dolphins) and won, 3 to 0, on a field goal with 20 seconds left. The game was notable for reasons I wish I hadn’t witnessed: it was the first 3 to 0 game since 1993 (was I even born then?! Jeez. Oh wait. Yes I was. And drinking, too.); it was the first time in 64 years a game lasted that long without any scoring (I was not born yet). This game was hard for me to watch in more ways than one (I will elaborate).1st Quarter: It looked like the Dolphins might upset the Steelers when ex-Steel...
read more
This week’s matchup was all about the young quarterbacks as the Tennessee Titans and Vince Young visited Jay Cutler’s Denver Broncos. It was a pretty entertaining battle as both quarterbacks played well (though Vince did fall apart a little at the end as he tried to muster a comeback) and displayed the talents that should be tormenting opposing AFC teams for years. In the end, Cutler and the home team came out on top thanks to an unexpected amount of big plays, leading to a 34-20 victory. A request for ESPN: Please don’t do any more "skits" at the start of the game. This week’s was terrible. A blatant promo for the movie Hitman, it featured exploding footballs and paper jersey targets. I kept hoping the supply of footballs would go off early in his hand, but to no avail. Hank Williams Jr. does his best to get me ready for some football before every game, but then I see these skits and I’m not ready for football anymore. The game started and I realized I was ...
read more
The Pittsburgh Steelers dominated the Baltimore Ravens Monday night, defeating them easily by a score of 38-7. And it wasn’t even that close. It was akin to watching a car tire take on a squirrel. The Ravens offense looked completely inept, and their quarterback, Steve McNair, looked totally surprised to be running an NFL offense. I understand he had been out with an injury, but if you told me he had just come out of a coma with amnesia and they informed him he was an NFL quarterback 15 minutes before game time, I would have said, "Ah. That makes sense." On a night the Steelers celebrated their 75th anniversary as a franchise by trotting out an impressive collection of franchise (not to mention NFL) legends, it appeared the Ravens were helping to plan a party for them, providing gift after turnover gift in the first half. First quarter: Did anyone see Ray Lewis’ pregame ritual? Dancing in the end zone. Eyes bugged. Leading an imaginary orchestra. Getting in the faces of a ...
read more
Wow. This was one of Sunny's saddest, most dysfunctional episodes yet. And it had nothing to do with the fact that Dennis was being mistaken for a sex offender. That was actually the lighter part of the storyline, I thought. I know it’s being played for laughs, but it’s tough not to feel sorry for Charlie and Mac and how much they each want a father figure. But let's get on to the fun!So it starts off with the gang having some innocent fun as Mac videotapes Charlie trying to set the world’s record for holding his breath. I thought the best part about the opening scene was seeing how much physical discomfort Charlie experiences when he has to listen to someone speak for a long period of time. As the woman explains why she’s handing out fliers about the sex offender who has moved into the neighbor (and is a chubby ringer for Dennis), Charlie is literally squirming and pleading with her to wrap it up. Besides Dennis’ problem of looking like the sex offender, a ...
read more
The Gang Finds a Dumpster BabyIt’s good to have Sunny back for a third season and in fine form with the premiere episode. To help you get further in the mood for the new season, check out Anthony Layser’s interview with Rob McElhenney. Thanks to Dennis (Glenn Howerton) being inspired by An Inconvenient Truth, the whole gang tries to do good in their own way, yet somehow no good comes of it: a revenge plan (involving sex, drugs and a bulldozed tree), a kidnapping and baby painting. This wasn't what Al Gore intended.I thought Dee (Kaitlin Olson) and Mac’s part of the story was the best and funniest. As much as they wanted to take care of DB, that desire pretty much ended as soon as he (was it a "he"? Dumpster Baby is one of those gender-neutral names that are all the rage) let out his first cry, turning Mac into a stereotypical nightmare dad. He just wants beer in the fridge and for Dee to keep the kid quiet. But just when it looked bleakest for DB as they eyed a trash ...
read more
Much like the prom or New Year’s Eve, Super Bowl Sunday is a day that almost can’t help but fall short of the hype. And there was plenty of hype: two weeks' worth of build up, six and a half hours (or VI and I/II hours in Super Bowl math) of pregame programming, expensive commercials, a glitzy halftime show, and a game. Despite consistently unmet expectations, I wouldn’t have my Super Bowl any other way. OK. Enough chitchat. On to the game. Since my limited writing ability won’t allow me to be more creative, I will now discuss the game in chronological order. Pregame: I admit that I did not watch all of the pregame festivities, but I did see the Cirque du Soleil performance. With bright colors that could cause seizures in the blind, strange, mashed up animals that make the platypus seem reasonable and Gloria Estefan, I believe I now know what it’s like to take acid. This couldn’t be too far from what Hunter S. Thompson saw when he blinked. This is what ...
read more
Are you ready for some football? The Oakland Raiders weren’t. On a rainy (record amounts), windy (22 mph at game time) night in Seattle, the Raiders offense appeared to be ready for Arena Football at best. The good news for any Raiders fans who happen to watch Grey’s Anatomy is that Patrick Dempsey was ready for some football. Yes, McDreamy made an appearance during the game’s opening sequence, holding up a helmet, and could have only looked less comfortable if he was holding a used diaper. I’m glad ESPN isn’t too desperate to include stars and prove that the Monday Night Football franchise hasn’t lost anything by leaving ABC.The highlight of the pre-game segment was seeing the tragic effects of the Seattle rain on the broadcasters’ hair. It appeared a cat (maybe several) had been pawing at the sides of the heads of both Chris Berman and Tony Kornheiser. So little hair, so much frizz. The lowlight of the segment was how Kornheiser took the a...
read more
