Gia Allemand, Bachelor Pad
Is it something about the initials B.P. that inspire idiocy?
On last night's Bachelor Pad, we got quite possibly the single dumbest line in reality TV history when Gia, the swimsuit model so clearly unchallenged by thought, declared Wes "a modern-day Shakespeare."
Oh, honey. No wonder she was sent home.
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Even if this tatted-up cowboy strapped on a frilly collar and penned a sonnet right there on screen, the guy will always be more Shakes The Clown than Shakespeare...
Cripes, there wasn't a secret safe last night on True Blood! Before the opening credits even rolled, we found out what Sookie really is: A faerie. Not that it took a Mensa membership to figure that out, after that freaky dream sequence a few weeks back, with all the chicks running around in flowy dresses and soft lighting. Either she was gonna turn out to be a pixie of some sort, or our girl was an escapee from a tampon commercial. But still, the truth finally came out and now we have something to work with...
How do these people not end up in traction?!
Seriously, there were a few moments last night during Wipeout that looked like the players should have been bleeding from their ears. The sushi lady slammed into the Shape-Shifter with plus-sized force and shook it off like she was used to being slapped with a Dragon Roll. And that veterinary student in the disco getup, the one who said he was "gonna neuter the Big Balls," took a giant orb on the Shake-A-Lator that would have crippled a eunuch. Yet there they went, running the rest of the course with nary a limp or whimper...
Oh my god, did you hear what Tenley said about Elizabeth? She like, totally, called her out for doing "it" with Kovacs in the shower. I know, right?!
Wow, what a crowd of overgrown high schoolers. Using language like "the outsiders," "the cool kids" and the ever popular "clique," the remaining Bachelor Pad dwellers devolved into vicious, unruly teens last night as they jockeyed for social supremacy within the house. It was like that Wild Kingdom scene in Mean Girls, only with giant fake breasts, oddly hairless, overworked torsos and Chris Harrison as the befuddled principal....
Next Food Network Star
Let's get ready for an Aarti Paarti!
Last night, the tasty reality show that never gets enough attention crowned its sixth winner and wow, was it a close one. Aarti, Tom and Herb all whipped up impressive pilots, wowed the focus-group crowd and, in the words of Food Network senior VP of programming Bob Tuschman, "made it very, very tough" for the selection committee to pick.
Yet pick they did ...
While last night's So You Think You Can Dance finale was all about awarding Lauren with the grand prize, the grand surprise was Ellen DeGeneres joining All-Star tWitch for a recreation of his epic hip-hop routine with Alex Wong from earlier this season.
Girl crushed it!
Of course, Ellen has shown us she can get down on her daytime talk show, but who knew she had those kind of moves?
Top Chef, Alex
Ready, set... burn!
The battlefield was bloodier than the rarest of rib-eyes last night on Top Chef: DC, as the foodies left standing engaged in a Restaurant Wars that will go down in infamy.
Usually the tastiest part of every season (aside from anything involving Gail Simmons), the Beltway edition's eat-off was extra spicy this time, thanks to the losing team — Kevin, Kenny, Amanda and Kelly — getting totally bitter over bossy Alex's sorry service. Never mind that the not-so-great dictator wasn't even on their team or anything. Once the judges started grilling the defeated crew, the knives came out and they all started spilling the truth about Alex's lack of contribution to his own team's effort and his abusive ways with the wait staff. What followed was a Stew Room screamfest ...
Lucy Hale and Troian Bellisario
OK, first off, if you've never gone glamping, do so immediately. Massages. Mani-pedis. It's divine.
Secondly, did you really think the girls would catch "A"? Come on. This was only the mid-season finale, kids!
Last night, Rosewood's fab four left us hanging — and Tweeting feverishly — as they came oh-so-close to nailing their texting tormentor ...
She spent six seasons playing One Tree Hill's tortured Peyton Sawyer — now, Hilarie Burton is happy at last.
"I go to work and just laugh!" marvels the actress, who begins a recurring stint on White Collar tonight (9/8c, USA) as Sara Ellis, a bitchy, ritzy insurance investigator from Neal's past. "I went from playing this dark, moody, artsy character to this totally different realm. I'm wearing 6-inch heels, supertight dresses, and I look pissed most of the time. I've been watching RuPaul's Drag Race for tips from the divas!"
Hopefully they had some advice on keeping the boys at bay...