Chana Shwadlenak


May 21, 2007: 4 — 5 am / 5 — 6 am

Say what you will about Day Six it certainly went out with a bang and not a small amount of closure The Russians are satisfied that the Chinese no longer have that all-important component and are standing down Chengs in custody Josh is safe with his mom and Phillip Bauer will presumably do his hard time in Davy Jones Locker Our once-hawkish vice president understands that hey maybe this whole commander-in-chief thing isnt as easy as it looks Might wanna mention that with your get-well-soon bouquet to Wayne Palmer there Noah Do you think they make a sorry I almost had you removed from power card at Hallmark Bill and Karen have escaped both scandal and prosecution and can retire together to make kissy-face for the rest of their patriotic yet morally responsible days Nadias proven to herself that shes not half bad as a leader and can devote herself to bereavement therapy with Milos way hotter brother Doyles down but not out and likely to best this wh read more

May 17, 2007: The Job

First off, let's all send big, happy, get-well-soon thoughts to Jenna Fischer. Consider this blog the equivalent of construction paper and uncooked macaroni with glitter on it. Let us know how that workman's comp claim goes….Love is a funny thing, isn't it? Sometimes we all need a little nudge to make us realize what would really make us happy: For Jim, it's a sweet little good-luck note with a yogurt-lid medal attached; for Michael, it's a magnificent new pair of boobs. Unfortunately for Michael, it looks like his temporary blindness thanks to Jan's no-longer-shrunken chesticles may have cost him a promotion (which he probably had no shot at anyway) and may have earned him a stay-at-home girlfriend (stretch pants = yay!, wild mood swings = boo!). At least he gets to stay with his family at the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin — possibly soon to be renamed Super Duper Paper — and even though he's "going nowhere," it's hard to see that as a bad thing. Beardy would nev... read more

May 14, 2007: 3 am — 4 am

This weeks theme fighting back is futile Josh did his Uncle Jack proud with a kick to Chengs face only to wind up pulling a Kim Bauer by getting himself into a precarious position and forcing Jack to save him thereby letting Cheng escape Lisa Miller went all woman scorned on Shirtless McGee wielding both a bottle of wine and a bedside lamp like a Louisville Slugger and found herself nearly choked to death Nadia put up a good 10 seconds of incredulous snark before letting the goons from Division walk all over her and set up camp in her conference room Hope you enjoyed running CTU while it lasted Ms Yassir And Jack treated us to the classic scream-in-protest-while-my-nephew-who-might-be-my-son-is-whisked-away-in-a-government-chopper-and-Im-held-down-by-an-entire-SWAT-team which is of course a fine variation on the slo-mo Noooo when your buddy cop is shot right before your eyes on the day of your retirement and you have until the end of your shift to f read more

May 10, 2007: Beach Games

She did it, she did it! Our little Ms. Beasley faced her fears, walked across hot coals, and spoke from her heart — quite possibly breaking mine in the process. "I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle." So simple, so honest, so… Pam. Were you listening, Jim? Don't take the job at corporate. You tried to leave once, and I think we learned the hard way that all roads lead back to Scranton. But honestly, even if next week's finale doesn't fill me with the positively blissed-out squee of last year, I'm still just so damn proud of Pam I could burst. Our little girl's all growed up.As if that soul-stirring campfire wasn't enough, return director Harold Ramis gave us an extraordinarily hilarious (extraordinarious?) supersized episode. You might think funtivities that include a group sing-along of "The Gambler" and grown men wearing plastic sumo suits might come across as a little broad, but Michael's Probst-style approach to finding his own successor he... read more

May 7, 2007: 2 am — 3 am

So then I guess Milos not a mole Ive decided that human resources departments all across the country should start screening episodes of 24 to their employees highlighting the inherent dangers of interoffice romances Best case scenario the love of your life loses respect for you after you help terrorists arm a nuclear bomb that takes out more than 12000 civilians worst case scenario bullet to the head Plus theres all that pressure to carpool its more or less a lose-lose situationIn other news Papa Bauers back Im finding it a bit suspect that Philip would convince the Chinese to launch a full-scale military assault on CTU simply to save his grandson you remember the same kid he was using as a human shield a few hours ago Theres got to be more to it like maybe Josh is building a super-cool freedom-hating robot in his tree fort and Papa Bauers gonna make a fortune selling it to the Chinese Theyve asked us to believe a lot this season so at t read more

May 6, 2007: "Low to the Ground, That's My Technique"

Color me underwhelmed, All-Stars edition. Aside from some early airport maneuvers from Charla and Mirna — for the last time, being on a reality TV show is not a matter of life and death, so enough with the breathless ticket-counter melodramatics — and a particularly cruel Newlywed Game-style Roadblock, this final leg of the race just wasn't that amazing. Maybe I'm just bitter because Eric and Danielle won, which is frustrating after enduring an entire season of their less-than-appealing… well, let's just call it "teamwork." And I have to say, after finally getting a chance to see Dustin and Kandice squabble with each other, I have even more respect for both their competitive spirit and their relationship. Much like Danny and Oswald, they dealt with each other as human beings — nerves may get frazzled in moments of extreme stress, and heaven knows I'd be ready to kill anybody after weeks upon weeks of 24/7 togetherness, but even at the height of their argument I h... read more

April 30, 2007: 1 am — 2 am

Youre cursed Jack Everything you touch one way or another ends up dead And you thought your girlfriends dad was tough I wish I hadnt seen William Devanes name in the opening credits simply because there are so few good surprises left in the world A sudden appearance by the guy we last saw plummeting off a cliff would have made for an especially fun one Still his overprotective father turned stone-cold badass routine pretty much rocked my world because hey if we dont soon crank up Jacks self-loathing to nothing left to lose how are we gonna make the last three hours of the day go all crazy kablooey Speaking of which Im guessing thats what the whole Morris-Chloe breakup is about Its taken all damn day but surely a broken heart is what its gonna take to revive the surly snarky surprisingly-handy-with-an-automatic-weapon CTU tech we all know and love I know youre in there Chloe I know what they did to you dyed your hair softened your ha read more

April 29, 2007: "Oh, My God, the Teletubbies Go to War"

Did I just watch an hour-long infomercial for the United States Armed Forces? Because I'm having the strangest compulsion to head down to my local recruitment office and enlist. And while I'm glad to see our military resources are being put to good use in Guam (zero-gravity maneuvers for impatient Armenian-Americans? Check. Plane-washing lessons for the posh? Check. GPS devices that for the love of all that is holy, you should not touch? Double check.), I just couldn't get all rah-rah when the writing was so clearly on the wall: Danny and Oswald were going home. I'm not sure when I stopped clinging to the hope that the boys would be able to beat the half-hour time penalty — or finish somewhere before last place, for that matter. I'm guessing it was somewhere between the third and seventh time Oswald walked right past the camouflaged pilot he was trying to locate. (Although I must confess, I began to sense the end was near after he started talking about the minutes and seconds o... read more

April 26, 2007: Product Recall

"Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Beeyatch Hotline." Michael Scott, paragon of outstanding customer service. Not only did we get to see an obscene watermark covered up by a fancy floating black box, but… you know, I was about to type that this was one of those episodes that gave almost everyone a moment to shine, but then I realized that's every episode of The Office. Still, we learned some delightful character traits about several of our dear Dunder-Mifflin coworkers. Michael's never more forcefully inept than when he's in crisis mode, aka "Threat Level Midnight" — also the name of his screenplay featuring Agent Michael Sclarn. Angela's physically incapable of saying the words "I'm sorry" unless they're followed by an insult — which is still good enough for Oscar and Kevin. And speaking of Kevin, the big man's idea of Australian slang is the liberal use of the word "mate" and an occasional reference to "dingo babies." Kelly loves being in charge of other people ... read more

April 23, 2007: Midnight — 1 am

Isnt that always the way Jacks got everything under control until some bright-eyed bushy-tailed by-the-book punk comes in and ruins it Way to go Doyle I get the impression were supposed to be wowed by Mikes expert tracking skills I mean Nadia certainly is but Im still not buying Mr Silver Spoons as Jack Jr Maybe it would help if we knew what happened in Denver On the plus side I guess we do owe a little credit to Doyle for inadvertently saving Jacks life Sure Chengs got the big bad nuke component and were about to be smack dab in the middle of a Chinese-Russian rage sandwich but at least we can rest easy in the knowledge that Jacks still kicking and therefore mere minutes away from bringing the pain on someone who needs it Hes like the Old Faithful of vigilante justice my apologies to Chuck NorrisMeanwhile I guess that foreboding vibe coming off Bill and Karen a few weeks ago was less about a literal death and more about the murder of Bills ca read more

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