Colin Schoenberger


May 16, 2007: A Letter to the Significant Others

Dear P.J., Mercii and Jared,Take a lesson from Corey and get out now! If you haven’t dumped these f***-ups after seeing this episode, then you deserve them. That’s all I’m going to say. "Now let’s get f***-ed up and drink some beer!"I think this episode set the gay community back about 20 years, or at least it showed that the average person isn’t as enlightened as I might have thought they were. Colie and Jenn just lying there and watching Davis and his guy having sex? Why were the guys OK with letting them do that? It’s not some freak show. (I know I’ve said this before, but it was even worse this time.) And just because the girls have never seen it before, they get to treat the gay guys like some strange exhibit? And then Colie has the nerve to say, “Ugh. Let’s go do something heterosexual.” I thought if anyone would be open-minded about sex, it would be Colie and her big sack of horny desperation, but I guess not. But thanks to Co... read more

May 8, 2007: Colie Loves to Bangkok!

Hey! It’s Colie! She’s incredibly hungover and her hair looks disgusting, and she probably smells bad! Yay! First Brooke thinks Colie’s too crazy, now Jenn thinks Colie’s too skanky — she is not looking good.I thought this was a really fun episode, minus the Brooke freak-outs. I know I always defend her, but I’m really getting sick of those. If I were her friend, I have to say, I’d want to smack her on this trip, or I would just try to ditch her whenever possible. I think the other roommates making fun of Davis for being whipped was going too far, though. So, Bangkok freaked out Brooke, but she couldn’t have been happier once they all arrived at their beach resort. She even got drunk to the point where she couldn’t stop screaming and at least ran next to the path of fire, or whatever. Tyrie and Davis kind of faded into the background this episode: We didn’t get to see Tyrie almost getting into a fight, as he described, nor did we get... read more

May 2, 2007: Colie Sheds Her Clutch

Sorry for the late post! I've been in transit.Ooh… so Colie has bizarre-o abandonment issues. That’s why she’s such a skank. It’s all coming together for me now; I knew something was up with that girl. You don’t just tell a guy at a bar that you’re good at b---jobs and not have some sort of emotional deficiency. Well, at least I think so. And you know Colie’s got serious problems when Brooke is looking at her like she’s crazy. What a messed up cast.So the group finally gets back from Outward Bound, and I could not be happier that bull s--- is over. Colie had gone home early because she was sick — again. Strep throat this time? Why is Colie always sick? I honestly think it’s just for attention, and we all know how much she craves that. Alex then walks around in a stupid bandanna, calls Colie “dude” and tells her she missed out on some serious fake-therapy love-ins around the camp fire. She seems to have moved on.Then Colie g... read more

April 25, 2007: Don't Be Like Brooke, Girls!

I should probably keep my mouth shut about Outward Bound... I feel so mean. But I tend to agree with Brooke’s initial attitude toward it that it seems a little silly to be taking it so seriously. I can appreciate a love of the outdoors, of pushing yourself physically, but I really don’t see why rappelling down a mountain is so life-changing.OK, OK. That’s because I’ve never done it. But I just don’t get it, and I guess that’s why I find these episodes so boring. I’ve never missed Colie’s slutty escapades more than this week!Or maybe I hate this episode because... (I bet you can guess why!) I hate Camp Counselor Chris! I want him to fall off the mountain. Am I the only one who feels that way?Well, anyway, maybe I’m just less inclined to let this sort of thing go since I hate these episodes so much, but where were Tyrie and Alex during the hike? Why were Stephen and Brooke left alone? And where was Brooke during the boy’s hike? Hmmm...... read more

April 18, 2007: Jenn, Gradually, Comes Clean

You know what, Davis? Remember when you felt the need to prove yourself after all of your roommates thought you were a racist psychopath? Remember? I remember. You’d think you’d be a little bit nicer to everyone. Oh, but wait. I forgot you are never aware of your actions or what comes out of your mouth or why anyone would ever take offense to you. I forgot it just never registers. You don’t understand why Brooke would be mad at you when you say she's not very pretty and has a double chin; you don’t understand why Jenn would be mad at you for telling her boyfriend whom you don’t know about the times she cheated on him. Hmmm. How do you ever have friends at all, Davis? You are so emotionally f-ed up and disconnected. Must have been all of those years being in the closet and being told you were going to burn in hell for something you couldn’t control. But I’ve had enough of it, whatever it is. Go back to your identical-twin boyfriend.Ugh! I just wish ... read more

April 11, 2007: Could I Ever Love a Double Chin?

So I know I have a lot of problems with Stephen, Jenn and especially with Colie, but this episode really put my issues with them into perspective. That group of horny, idiot drunks has never just... baffled me in the way that Brooke and Davis do. With the majority, at least, I can understand what they’re thinking, even if what they’re thinking is stupid. With the two actual nut-jobs of the house, I really have no idea what is going on in their heads — and I would be afraid to ever find out. Colie and Jenn actually impressed me in this episode. At least they have some grasp on basic social interaction, of how to speak to people — which isn’t true for Davis at all. It was really nice of Colie to comfort Brooke, or at least let Brooke vent to her, and I mean really vent, considering Brooke called Colie a "f------ bitch" to her face. Colie didn’t need to do it, but it shows that she has some common sense and common courtesy when it comes to dealing with oth... read more

April 4, 2007: Lesser of Many Evils

Oh, great. Another Outward Bound-centric episode. I hate these! Worst. Job idea. Ever. At least Creepy Counselor Chris’ airtime was minimal. So the hike begins and it seems all the stress the cast underwent to prepare these kids for this “life-changing experience” was all for nothing, as the New Orleanians consistently say things like this during the hike: “F--- this.” The kids also seem to turn suicidal as they refuse to come out of freezing water despite Creepy Camp Counselor Chris yelling that they are going to get hypothermia. (P.S. This made me feel not quite as bad for CariDee during America’s Next Top Model....) In the end, though, the kids seem to be moved by the whole trip. Or maybe they are just so physically spent and relieved that the nightmare is over that they break down into tears at the drop of a hat…? That’s what I think, but hey, I hate the wilderness. I just don’t agree with Colie that climbing this mountain will change... read more

April 2, 2007: Mrs. New York

Preparing for this finale was almost too much for my emotions — I don’t know what I’m going to do without it. At least I’ll have Charm School soon enough. As excited as I was for this finale, I didn’t think it would surprise me. Oh, how wrong I was. First of all, I’m so relieved that she chose Tango. I think she made a huge mistake sending Real home, but at least she made the better choice at this point. I love that she had sex with both of them before her final elimination. Vh1, just like with Flavor of Love, set this up a little too perfectly: loading them up with champagne, giving them those giant suites, the “night cap” option.... Well, I’m certainly glad New York finally got some action, and I can understand that there are a few important things that she would need to test for herself before she could make an informed decision. I actually think, judging from New York’s disheveled appearance and spacey and euphoric mood the next ... read more

March 28, 2007: Scrounging for Drama

Not that I'm really against it, but when did everyone jump on the I-hate-Stephen bandwagon? Hey, I was hating Stephen before it was cool. MTV really seemed to be portraying him as a villian in this episode more than ever before — and honestly, his behavior this episode didn't offend me as much as the horrible things that have come out of his mouth in the past have, during which the show's editing portrayed him as a much more positive and well liked presence in the house. I had no idea until now that Colie and Stephen didn't like each other. I also had no idea that Jenn and Stephen's making up after their Mercii fight didn't really fix their relationship. But now Stephen's the one with all the drama surrounding him, MTV tells us. OK.So, I guess he had a bad attitude about Outward Bound. I didn't realize quite how bad, though, until that comment at the very end about being happy to see people he actually cared about, unlike anyone in Colorado. Whoa.... So don't get me wrong, Step... read more

March 21, 2007: Just Take It Down, Guys

Well, this episode was pretty anticlimactic, huh? After all that build up, everyone’s kind of just back where they were a few episodes ago. Jenn’s gone back to being a skank — well, gone back to not caring about being a skank — and Tyrie and Jazalle are back together. The only real change is that Tyrie now has an arrest on his record and clearly regrets coming on the show. In my opinion, he’s come out looking the best of anyone on the cast so far, even though I think he went too far with Jazalle, and the arm grabbing was not OK. But she was really overreacting, I think, and I was never worried about her safety — everyone was just drunk. Maybe I would feel differently if I had Tyrie’s — I don’t even know how much he must weigh — build screaming at me and grabbing me. But he didn't come off as a future wife-beater to me. But like I said, I can’t blame him for worrying about his reputation and his future after having his behavior i... read more

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