Simon Says... the Most Quotable Things!
Simon Cowell by Michael Becker/Fox
As this season of
continues, we thought it'd be fun to keep a running tab of Simon's most scorching reviews. I'll get the ball rolling with a few notes I made last week and then, in comments, feel free to chime in with any other Cowell crowing that stands out in your mind. Hey, if we're all diligent enough, we should finish up the season with enough content to crash the website. (
, guys in production!) -
From the Charleston auditions:
"I wouldn't have been surprised if you did a magic trick in the middle of that."
"That was a horrible audition, if I'm being honest with you."
"That was complete torture."
To a brother-sister duo
]: "Slightly inappropriate at the end, but it was good."
"You seriously murdered the Whitney Houston song. You can't sing."
From the Omaha auditions:
After receiving gifts from a star-struck auditioner
]: "Can't we just have money?"
Upon hearing a golden-ticket recipient's girlfriend squeal with delight
]: "He just stood on someone. He just stood on Ryan."
From the Miami auditions:
To Shannon the meat handler
]: "It sounds like you're eating when you sing."
"No one will ever pay you to sing. Ever."
"I would like you if I was drunk. You're out on the town in Miami, a few margaritas, you start singing, I'm drinking, I quite like you. Sober, I don't think it works."
"That was like the Hungarian Janis Joplin."
"That's a very short dress, Paula, very slutty."
From the Atlanta auditions:
"Do you want to be a smartass, or do you want to listen?"
"OK, this is like something out of a science-fiction movie."
"Possibly the most annoying person I have ever seen in my life. I actually didn't want her to sing well."
After making a contestant sing with his back to the judges
]: "That's something we should have done to Clay Aiken years ago."
From the Best of the Rest auditions:
"Everything was slightly mad, from the massive T-shirt to the eyes. Everything was just... mad."
To a young man
]: "You're not Jessica Brown, are you?"
"Can I be honest with you? It was a horribly over-the-top, corny, revolting audition."
About the Lane twins
]: "They must have so much fun with the chicks, those two."
"I'm not being rude, but you can't sing."
After an auditioner said her voice was a gift from God
]: "Does he have a return policy? I'm sorry, but if I was given that, I'd give it back."
From Hollywood Week:
"Absolute murder, with a bit of torture."
"You have the stage presence of a flea."
"I thought that was a good little audition."
From the top 12 guys:
] "The suit was hideous, the wink was hideous, the woo was hideous."
To Jason Yeager
] "You're like a dependable old dog, aren't you?"
To Garrett Haley
] "It was boring, your voice sounded a bit whiny, you look terrified, and it looks like you've been shut up in your bedroom for about a month - you look verging on haunted. You need some fresh air."