Here we go again, people.
After spending their second season smooshing and battling the beat down in Miami, the Shore-ons are back in Seaside Heights for Season 3. And despite the workout videos, "novels," endorsement deals and media obsession, success hasn't spoiled them yet. Probably because they're already kind of rotten.
Last night, the Situation and company — all vulgar human muppets with no real skills and an ungodly orange glow — went right back to being harbingers of the apocalypse as they alternately got trashed, bitched about each other and freaked out over Angelina replacement Deena, a hard-partying "gremlin lookalike" (per Ronnie's evaluation) who just so happens to be besties with Snooki. Not surprisingly, like her little poufed-out pal, Deena also seems to be unburdened by intelligence, addicted to spray tan, and even less refined than J-Woww's wardrobe.
It's no wonder she was at the heart of the season's first house brouhaha, a screaming, senseless blowup with Sammi, Jersey Shore's poster girl for hand-waving, hate-spewing horribleness. Before you could say, "sterilize them all," tensions between the two bristling roomies went from boozy disdain to brutal disses in the flip of a bird, leading to more bleeped-out insults and nitwit threats than a Real Housewives dinner party. Although it's highly unlikely Camille Grammer would ever pull a Snooki and compare her fighting skills to a squirrel monkey. We really need to pray for that one.
We also need to pray that Shore runs out of steam before something more tragic than Pauly D's hair happens. Between the arrests, the fistfights and the other alcohol-enhanced troubles, these folks are courting disaster. And we already feel bad enough for watching them just be disasters.
So, are you vibin' Jersey Shore this time? Or has the tide changed for you?
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