Pam Beesly and Paris Hilton
Let's face it: TV this week was pretty disgusting. On Heroes, Sylar crawled out of his grave and back from the dead — a development that made us disgusted with the show's writers. A sense of moral outrage accompanied the news that Chase killed an African dictator on House. Paris Hilton made us feel shame for liking her, and then got graphically beheaded on Supernatural. The Office elevated a pregnancy cliché — morning sickness — to high comedy art. South Park made us rethink Mexican cuisine. And Madonna and Lady Gaga made a gross display of themselves on SNL. Welcome to this week's Top Moments: Profound Disgust Edition.
13. Worst Cameo: Madonna and Lady Gaga stop by MTV4's Deep House Dish, a Saturday Night Live skit in which the larger-than-life pair ape techno music and pantomime a rivalry and a smooch, neither convincingly. Madonna steps on her one funny line ("what the hell is a disco stick?"), and their three-way kiss with cast member Kenan Thompson is neither funny nor titillating.
12. Least Suspected Killer: House's Foreman figures out that Chase has switched the blood samples of an African dictator, killing him with a misdiagnosis. It's one thing to have a moral dilemma about treating such an oppressive tyrant, especially on an episode on House; it's an entirely different thing to commit murder. Guess we know now why Cameron's hitting the road, huh?
11. Best Transformation: On Mad Men, Don brings Betty on a business trip to Rome, and she leaves the repressed housewife back in Ossining. Barely-there black lingerie, a ridonkulous beehive and more ammo in her flirtation arsenal make Betty una donna sexy. Her role-play rubs off on Don, who pretends to be a stranger, thus rescuing his wife from the lecherous taunts of two Italian stallions.
10. Best Coffee Break: Kitty's cancer reveal and Nora's characteristically unhinged reaction to it (call it a Sally Field Special) had us reaching for the Kleenex, but the introduction of a mystery man (The Wire's Peter Gerety) provides Brothers & Sisters' most intriguing development. He's connected to William Walker somehow, which means Ryan will gladly help him sully his dead dad's rep. What will Mr. Mystery do with those Ojai confidential documents?
9. Best Re-Death: Heroes' Nathan Petrelli takes two shots to the chest and is buried. In the show's final moments, a hand emerges from the ground — but the mouth gasping for air belongs to Sylar. Is Nathan really gone? We'd care more if he hadn't already been resurrected once before, in last season's finale. Way to innovate, Heroes!
8. Best Proposal: Call us saps, but we were happy to see E get the girl on Entourage's season finale. His surprise proposal to Sloan, immediately following a lovers' quarrel, was perhaps predictable but nonetheless sweet. What does this mean for the perennial boys' club?
7. Super-est Reveal: In the final moments of Friday's episode of Smallville, we see a mysterious figure lying on the floor of an unidentified location emblazoned with the iconic Superman logo, (aka the sign of El). Could this be a younger Jor El stranded on Earth with the rest of the Kandorians?
6. Best Reunion Show: Sweet fancy Moses! On Curb Your Enthusiasm, a beleagued Larry David offers his estranged wife Cheryl — who is apparently an actress now — the role of George's ex-wife on his Seinfeld reunion show. This is actually his sweet way of trying to win her back. But since no good deed goes unpunished, unbeknowst to Larry, Jerry Seinfeld offers the same role to A-lister Meg Ryan, who gladly accepts.
5. Best Re-Entry: Fringe finally explains how and why Olivia was propelled from that windshield in the season premiere. A breathtaking scene shows an unconscious Olivia remembering her otherworldly meeting with Dr. Bell (guest star Leonard Nimoy), who warns her that a war on the shape-shifters is imminent. Before she can figure it all out, though, she's sucked back to her world with a crash of glass and an adrenaline injection to her heart.
4. Best Non-French Kiss: Dancing with the Stars judge Bruno Tonioli tells Donny Osmond that his rumba was too "airy-fairy" and that he needs to "turn to the dark side." In response, the wholesome singer sweeps the flamboyant Italian into his arms and simulates a prolonged kissing session. Carrie Ann Inaba finds it awkward already, but then Samantha Harris, in response to Bruno's low scores for Donny, adds: "You should have given him tongue."
3. Most Graphic Social Commentary: On Supernatural, Sam and Dean encounter a pagan god who takes the form of Paris Hilton. The Hot One schools the brothers on the poor quality of idols these days, taking jabs at Us Weekly and, well, herself. There's really no time for philosophizing though. Sam saves his brother from an heiress-inflicted beatdown by promptly — and bloodily — beheading her.
2. Grossest Wedding Prelude: The highly anticipated Office wedding is worth the wait. Though the romantic sanctity of Jim and Pam's courtship remains intact, it's no "very special episode." Case in point: There's a vomiting montage that feels like a meta critique of TV weddings so sicky sweet that they make you want to barf. Well done!
1. Best Worst Taste: On South Park, when Cartman's friends don't know who the recently deceased Billy Mays is, he shows them one of his infomercials. It happens to be for Chipotlaway, a cleaning solution for people who "love eating Chipotle, but hate the blood stains it leaves in their underwear." It's both a hilarious satire of Mays' oeuvre and another display of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's pitch-perfect taste in gross-out humor. Hopefully, the attorneys for the Mexican chain restaurant are laughing as well.
See more in our Top Moments video: