Tom Cruise and Jane Lynch
This week's TV was full of twist endings. Lie to Me's killer let his kid sister drown for the paltriest of reasons. United States of Tara's fractured heroine turned out to have a secret half-brother. Raylan let his nemesis escape on Justified. Sue Sylvester, of all people, came to Mr. Schu's rescue on Glee. And on Breaking Bad, Walt killed someone to save the partner who causes many of his troubles. Welcome to Top Moments: He Was Dead the Whole Time Edition.
14. Best Comeback: After a fifth-place finish a year ago, 14-year-old Anamika Veeramani returns to win the 2010 Scripps National Spelling Bee. She outlasts 273 competitors by correctly spelling "stromuhr," an instrument used to measure the speed of flowing blood.
13. Most Real Reality TV: Now that Craig M. is gone on The Bachelorette, the Barenaked Ladies video shoot provides the perfect moment for Jonathan the weatherman to show Ali how he really feels about her. Unfortunately, he not only gets too nervous to kiss her (like the scene calls for), but also starts crying after some major taunting from the other guys. We have to use all our weather jokes fast, because we don't see this guy lasting long: His forecast is cloudy.
12. Creepiest Backstory: Veronica Mars' Jason Dohring guest-stars on Lie to Me as a psychology grad student who attempts to disprove Dr. Lightman's lie-detection techniques. Lightman soon finds that the young man is actually a serial killer with a penchant for waterboarding. His cruel method of torture stems from a childhood trauma in which his kid sister drowned. As he tells Lightman in the final act, he didn't save her because he wanted her bike.
11. Worst Secret: On United States of Tara's season finale, Tara and Charmaine's mom, Beverly, casually reveals to her daughters that they were sent to live in a foster home to get them away from a heretofore-unmentioned half-brother, Bryce. It's unclear what happened, but he may have abused the girls — and could have contributed to Tara's dissociative identity disorder.
10. Best Role Reversal: Justified's excellent first season culminates in a shootout that forces Raylan to put his trust in his explosion-happy nemesis, Boyd Crowder. Though they spent much of the season at each other's throats, Raylan lets his childhood friend off the hook rather than arresting him again.
9. Most Awkward Moment: Comedian Chris Rock interrupts his appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno to tell the be-chinned one that he's a "bad man." He makes references to NBC's late-night fiasco — "last time I was here, you wasn't here, it was this redhead guy" — and suggests that he fired Kevin Eubanks because he was too expensive. Leno tries several times to change the subject, but Rock's mission to shame comes through loud and clear.
8. Best Fight: The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Dina decides she needs Danielle out of her life, once and for all. Amazingly, their conversation starts out calm, measured and mature. Then Dina shushes Danielle, which, trust us, you don't want to do.
7. Best F---ing Show: The Today show's Meredith Vieira loves profanity! Earlier this year, she swore during a segment about texting while driving. On Thursday, she got a girl accused of beating a classmate to swear for her, when she goaded her into recalling profane text messages. (The 13-year-old "pulled a Fonda" — twice.) Vieira then admonished the girl for swearing on live TV. Bottom line: Anytime Meredith talks about texting, get ready to cover your kids' ears.
6. Most Intriguing Cliff-hanger: On the Nurse Jackie finale, Kevin and O'Hara finally connect the dots about Jackie's suspicious behavior and confront her about her drug use. On any other show, a tearful intervention would follow. On this show, Jackie locks herself in the bathroom, looks into her own dilated pupils in the mirror, smiles and says, "Blow me!"
5. Strangest Audience Reaction: Comedian Doogie Horner strikes back against a feral New York City crowd on America's Got Talent ("I hate your shirt," he says to one audience member). His counter-heckling seems to work, at least with the judges, who grant him passage to the semifinals in Las Vegas.
4. Best Delayed Reaction: He shoots! He scores! Nobody notices! Patrick Kane's overtime goal clinches the Stanley Cup for the Chicago Blackhawks, and he takes off down the ice to celebrate — while the losing Philadelphia Flyers, their fans, and even Kane's teammates suffer a bizarre, delayed reaction since, it seems, nobody saw the puck go in. Officials review the replay and find the puck stuck in the padding in the back of the net. Only then does everyone catch up — at least emotionally — to the guy who put the biscuit in the basket and who from the get-go knew it was in, saying: "I tried to sell the celebration a bit."
3. Best Twist: After witnessing the Glee kids tearfully serenade Mr. Schu with "To Sir With Love," Sue Sylvester's heart grows three times its size (no matter what she says). She goes to bat for them with the principal, who has disbanded the club since it lost at regionals. It's then that we see, through flashback, that Sue voted for New Directions, and that the nefarious duo of Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban actually dashed the gleeks' hopes.
2. Best Dance: We knew that Tom Cruise could shake it in a fat suit, but who knew he could keep up with Jenny from the Block? Reprising his act as Tropic Thunder's crass, hirsute movie mogul, Les Grossman, Cruise bumped-and-grinded with a bejeweled Jennifer Lopez at the MTV Movie Awards in an elaborately choreographed hip-hop number. Too bad she didn't let him smack her notorious derriere.
1. Best One-Word Line: On the penultimate episode of Breaking Bad's flawless third season, Walt saves Jesse from having to gun down two dealers who work for the same drug kingpin by mowing them down with his car and shooting them himself. There's a lot for Walt and Jesse to talk about next, but Walt realizes there's no time for chit-chat. Instead, he says only one thing to Jesse: "Run."