Top Moments: Bachelor Pad's Thorny Rose and James Franco's Unsexy Sex Tape
Our top moments of the week:
15. Most Cringe-Worthy: During his The Tonight Show with Jay Leno visit, the host asks Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino about adapting his well-documented pick-up skills for Italian ladies on Jersey Shore's Season 4 abroad. To really get into the moment, Sitch calls upon a confused and slightly bewildered-looking Jesse Eisenberg to play the female and proceeds to call him "Miss" and tell him "che dolce" ("you are sweet") before suggesting they go back to the house. And people wonder why Eisenberg hates doing press!
14. Best New Leaf: Since the first episode of Switched at Birth, Daphne has always been a pushover, while Bay has been notoriously hotheaded. But in the summer finale, Daphne looks ready to switch places (get it?) when she surprisingly declares she has no intention of giving up her quest for Emmett's heart, despite the fact that he's already dating — you guessed it! — Bay. So if Daphne is going to start being the difficult one, can someone convince Bay to chill out a little? No? We didn't think so.
13. Most in Need of Anger Management: Maybe Michael Lohan should go to anger management instead of Celebrity Rehab. Lindsay's pops gets into a screaming match with ex-fiancée Kate Major over the phone after she saw him kissing someone else in the tabloids — a smooch he denies happened. "Everything is going in the garbage now because of you!" Lohan says, while a rehab staffer warns him to calm down lest he suffer a heart attack. "If I walk out this door, they're chasing me. ... Are you coming or am I walking out? ... You're killing, you are killing me!" Things only escalate when Major arrives — "I'm not even attracted to you! You're old, you're ugly, and you're bald," she tells him — and ends with Lohan getting arrested. And to think they used to "practice" sex four times a day.
12. Saddest Split: Realizing life's too short after nearly contracting polonium poisoning on Covert Affairs, Annie finally tells her sister, Danielle, about her true spy identity — and promptly gets kicked out of the house, shoe collection and all. Though a reconciliation appears to be in the cards later after Annie returns injured, a hurt Danielle stands her ground and firmly tells her sis: "I still need you to move out." "OK, I'll move out," Annie says, and tearfully complies.
11. Worst Acting: If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then The Glee Project's Lindsay really loves her competition. First, she shoved her tongue down Cameron's throat after she saw Marissa and Samuel lip-lock for the cameras. This week, Little Miss Competitive puts on her best pouty face (Look, Ma! No tears!) during her recording session with Nikki Anders, after she hears about Alex's breakdown (all this for the "Believability" episode, mind you). Nikki, thankfully, calls Lindsay out on her insincerity and pushes her into the bottom three. Looks like someone needs to brush up on their acting skills!
10. Worst Second Chance: After Lawon foolishly volunteered to be put on the Big Brother chopping block, he is promptly evicted from the house by a unanimous vote. Luckily for him, he has a chance to come back into the house. Unluckily for him, he has to win a physical battle against Brendon, the evicted houseguest America voted to give a second chance. We never expected Lawon to actually win, but seriously, America? Brendon?
9. Darkest Turn: Ever since Entourage turned Vince into a recovering addict and split up Ari and Mrs. Ari, the show has been heavy-handed with the drama and very light on the comedy. But the series takes its darkest turn yet when Vince is forced to help Carl, a producer he bonded with in rehab, after he realizes Carl is high as a kite. Vince does his best to talk him down, but Carl locks himself in the bathroom and shoots himself.
8. Best Striptease: Rizzoli & Isles runs subtext deep into the ground when Maura tells her unfashionable pal that her pantsuit is inappropriate for her date at a fancy-schmancy restaurant. So Maura takes matters into her own hands — with a little help. "Unzip me," she tells Jane as she slinks out of her curve-hugging magenta dress, explaining that they're going to swap outfits. And that they do — with Maura even taking a scalpel to her expensive heels to make comfy peep-toes for Jane — before standing back to admire their efforts. "You look sexy," Maura says. Oh, just get a room already!
7. Most Foreboding Fade to White: On True Blood, the witches fire the first salvo in their war against vampires — and it's a doozy. Marnie/Antonia and her newly formed circle (which includes Tara and Holly) summon a spell that forces vampires to walk in the daylight. King Bill has anticipated the spell by ordering his subjects to silver themselves in their coffins. Jessica obeys, but the spell is too powerful, and the last image of the episode is a powerless, bloodied Jessica shrieking, "The sun!" as she opens the doors of Compton Manor and walks out into the Bon Temps afternoon.
6. Sweetest Revenge: After Hank lies about getting them a segment on the Today show on Royal Pains — going as far to hire a pseudo-film crew — Evan runs into Matt Lauer and learns the truth about the (lack of) booking. But instead of confronting his brother about it, Evan plots revenge and convinces Lauer to give HankMed a spot, sending the usually unflappable Hank into abject terror when he sees Lauer on a monitor. Turns out our favorite concierge doc fears public speaking — in case you can't tell from his tongue-tied, garbled answers, profuse sweating and him calling Lauer "Brian" at the end. Fortunately, the interview, unbeknownst to them, wasn't live and — as a producer admits — probably will never air.
5. Unsexiest Analogy: Wouldn't you believe it? There are two things James Franco sucks at (no pun intended): making sex tapes and explaining why the one he made with his girlfriend back in the day was bad. "Those people in the pornos; they are great performers," Franco explains on Conan. "They're selling it to an audience. And just like, you know, let's say my grandma can..." Hold that thought — Coco doesn't want to know and jumps behind his "ocean" set (we're guessing in the fetal position). "What I was going to say is, just like my grandma can feel... feelings," Franco continues in between fits of laughter, "and cry in her life if she's sad, it doesn't mean she's gonna be a great actor — the same thing with actors in pornography. They're performing so an audience can get turned on." Fine, James. Next time, leave your grandma out of it.
4. Most Heartwarming Finale: From the moment Melanie performed the statue dance in the first live episode of So You Think You Can Dance, we knew she was going to win. So it was fitting that minutes before the announcement, she and former partner Marko performed the piece one last time. The stoic, statuesque facial expressions were absent as the couple couldn't help but smile at one another. That same smile, laced with tears, warmed our hearts when she was named the new champion. Yes, Melanie, you can dance!
3. Rock On Award: Leave it to Breaking Bad to turn a presumably dramatic moment — Walt realizing Hank is close to discovering him — on its ear when Hank tells his brother-in-law to play a DVD from a case file. No, it's not a dead body, but a clip of a purple ascot-wearing Gale performing a stirring karaoke rendition of Peter Schilling's "Major Tom (Coming Home)" — against an outer-space background with Thai subtitles, of course. While Hank and Walt Jr. are doubled over in laughter, Walt is paralyzed by a cocktail of fear, anxiety and panic. Thankfully, since none of us are Walt, we can enjoy the full video in all its glory.
2. Worst Moment of Truth: After chasing Neal and his possible link to the U-boat treasure all season on White Collar, Peter is relieved when he learns the painting he thought tied Neal to the treasure is actually a fake. However, Peter soon gets a very rude awakening when he receives a mysterious phone call saying his wife has been kidnapped, precisely because Neal is in possession of the booty. Even worse than his initial shock and fear for his wife is the look of anger and betrayal Peter gives Neal at the scene of the crime.
1. Every Rose Has Its Thorn Award: On Bachelor Pad, we're thrust full-speed into a sea of Bachelor/Bachelorette reject craziness. But perhaps the King of Crazy this week is former Bachelor Jake Pavelka, best known for his explosive "breakup special" (that really says it all, doesn't it?) last year with Bachelor "winner" Vienna Girardi. Vienna may have shown up with a new boyfriend and a new, ahem, look, but her "I'll Kill You in Your Sleep" sentiment toward Jake hasn't changed a bit. Did we mention Vienna had previously sold their breakup story to Star magazine? When Jake has the opportunity to save a fellow contestant from elimination, he mistakes the rose for an olive branch, gives it to Vienna, and subsequently makes himself look like the biggest wimp in Bachelor history.
What were your top moments?