American Horror Story: Asylum
Our top moments of the week:
10. Best Overacting: When Lindsay Lohan hires Million Dollar Decorators' Kathryn Ireland to redesign her home, their conversations about the project quickly devolve into very weird territory. "In order to become yourself, you need to go through different ups and downs, or else you'll never know who you are," Lohan tells Ireland. We're not really sure what that has to do with decorating, but you know, whatever works for you, Linds! And you thought she was overacting in Liz & Dick!
9. Most Touching Tribute: Everyone from Psy to will.i.am to the Backstreet Boys pay tribute to Dick Clark on ABC's New Year's Eve special, but the most affecting — and arguably accurate — tribute comes from New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg. "There are certain people that are bigger than life," he tells Ryan Seacrest. "Most people come and go. Dick Clark was here for generations. What's an American? Dick Clark was a real American. He loved the country, loved people, and people loved him."
8. Worst Rejection: Schoolteacher Allison has long harbored a crush on her co-worker Cary, so what better way to woo him than on national television, right? With the help of Howie Mandel's services on Mobbed, Allison stages a flash mob for Cary before asking him to go on a date with her. "I have feelings for you as a friend and that's the honest feeling. And I don't want to mislead you in any other way," he tells her. "You're a very special person in my life. I don't know how far I see this friendship going into anything further." Ouch! Don't worry — Howie's got Allison's back. The crowd performs something else for Cary: Foreigner's "Cold As Ice."
7. Most Unconventional New Year's Kiss: Leave it to Kathy Griffin to bring the New Year's kiss to a new low — as in down on her knees trying to smooch Anderson Cooper's crotch. Inspired by a report about a Maine town's New Year's tradition of kissing a sardine, Griffin repeatedly squats down to kiss her pal's nether regions — or as she says, "your sardine." Ever the pro and surprisingly not breaking out into giggles, Cooper somehow manages to keep a very game Griffin at bay. "I'm going down. You know you want to," she threatens. "Believe me, I really don't," he says. So the F-bomb, stripping and now crotch-kissing. What will 2014 bring?
6. Strangest Pickle: On Top Chef, Lizzie and season-long villain John redo CJ's catastrophic pickle-topped burger in an elimination cook-off. As if hoarding the dill and constantly opening the oven while her food is inside aren't enough, John has the audacity to pat himself on the back for "allowing" Lizzie to use the production-provided pickles. "I share the pickles. That's who I am," he says. Uh, how about that's what the rules are? Lizzie wins and John must pack up his knives and go — but not before insisting that if he really wanted to win, he could've just not shared the pickles. Yes, John, we'll remember you as a pickle-sharer, not just the guy who wears eyeglasses on his forehead.
5. Best Baby Step: In a step toward acceptance of homosexuality in sports, ESPN airs what is believed to be the first kiss between an openly gay athlete and his husband. After professional bowler Scott Norton wins the 2012 PBA Chameleon Championship, he embraces his husband Craig Woodward and kisses him, promisingly without any fanfare from ESPN. "Our airing of Scott Norton's spontaneous moment with his husband was about capturing the emotion of the victory, as we would with any bowler celebrating with his or her family," the network later said in a statement.
4. Best-Kept Secret: Law & Order: SVU fans have always taken a special interest in the complicated love life of Det. Benson. However, the procedural — for once — leaves them guessing when it reveals that Olivia is going to the Bahamas for Christmas with an unnamed special someone. Producers go so far as to show her on the plane and grabbing what appears to be the hand of a man sitting next to her, but the camera doesn't show the face of her gentleman caller. This is one case that definitely merits further investigation.
3. Funniest Gaffe: Well, we now know what Meredith Vieira's favorite curse word is. Nearly three years after dropping the S-bomb on Today, the former co-anchor does it again when she guest-hosts the fourth hour with Hoda Kotb. As they return from commercial, Vieira drops her notecards and exclaims, "Oh, sh--!" Horrified, she gasps and immediately covers her mouth and apologizes, while Kotb and weight-loss segment guest Al Roker relish her blunder. "Yes! Yes!" Roker shouts, triumphantly raising his arms. "Just go ahead and put it on Gawker immediately," Kotb quips, before the censor finally bleeps. "Little late for the bleep!" she adds. Ironically, earlier in the show, Matt Lauer had teased Kotb about her alleged S-bomb the day before, which she denies happened, after a puppy fell out of her hands: "No cursing today?" But seriously, what's with all the butterfingers?
2. Best Loss: After her recent struggles with breast cancer and her subsequent chemotherapy treatment, all Kristina wants to do on Parenthood is let loose with her sisters-in-law. Unfortunately, midway through her cocktail, a big chunk of her beautiful blonde hair falls out. Kristina does the only logical thing and bravely shaves her head in the bathroom by herself. It's a moment that needs no words, but requires a lot of tissues for those watching at home.
1. Most Glee-ful Performance: American Horror Story is known for its shock factor, but creator Ryan Murphy takes a page from his other show, Glee, when Sister Jude hallucinates a rousing song-and-dance number after receiving electroconvulsive therapy. Seeing Jude and her fellow Briarcliff inmates jump, jive and smile to "The Name Game" is an unexpectedly weird and hilarious break from the darkness that dominates the twisted FX series. Does this mean they're a shoo-in for Nationals?
What are your top moments?