The Simpsons

The Simpsons
8/7c Fox
Homer becomes obsessed with a 1980s sitcom called Thicker Than Waters that's written by David Mamet (who supplies his own voice), and he adopts his parenting persona from the show's practical father. This irks Bart to no end since he has his eyes set on a dirt bike. So Bart does what any normal kid would do — he sells his father's nuclear secrets to Chinese spies to get the bike. James Lipton (Inside the Actors Studio) has a voice cameo as himself. — Fred Mitchell

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NFC Championship
3/2c Fox
The Packers take on the Bears in a battle of NFL warhorses. Green Bay and Chicago have been smacking each other around since 1921, but this is only the second time they have met in the postseason. Both teams seemed to have saved their best for the right time of the season, dominating in the divisional matchups last weekend. Both also feature stellar defenses and top young quarterbacks (Aaron Rodgers for the Pack, and Jay Cutler for the Bears) that have their offenses operating at full throttle in recent weeks. In two regular season matchups, each team won on its home field. — Dave Roeder

AFC Championship
6:30/5:30c CBS
The New York Jets take on the Pittsburgh Steelers at Heinz Field. With the Jets' upset of New England last week, the Steelers got home field for this matchup. But the Jets have excelled on the road in the playoffs the last two years, and with 2011 wins over Peyton Manning and Tom Brady under their belts, they probably won't be intimidated by Ben Roethlisberger. A key to this contest could be the Jets' strong running attack against the No. 1-ranked rushing defense in the NFL. New York edged the Steelers 22-17 at Heinz Field in December, but Pittsburgh was missing all-everything defender Troy Polamalu, who has returned from injury. — Dave Roeder

Mean Girls 2
8/7c ABC Family
This 2011 made-for-cable sequel revisits the same territory as its predecessor, 2004's smash hit Mean Girls, which starred Lindsay Lohan. New actors and characters populate this flick, but some things never change at high school: A group of popular girls pick on a social outcast (Jennifer Stone). Meaghan Martin portrays Jo, a new student who wants to quietly sail through her senior year, but that plan flies out the window when she befriends outcast Abby and stands up to the bullying cool kids. — Jennifer Sankowski

Hawaii Five-0
10/9c CBS
A special Sunday airing of the hit crime drama centers on the disappearance of the Tsunami Warning Center chief just as a major tsunami threatens to slam ashore and wreak havoc. As thousands flee the islands, Five-0 tries to gather evidence from their
crime scene before it and themselves get washed away. — Tim Holland

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Kourtney and Kim Take New York
10/9c E!
Kourtney and Kim Kardashian open a Dash store in Manhattan in the series premiere of their latest reality series, a sort of sequel to Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. Of course, the new Big Apple store is just an excuse to get the two tabloid staples in a different big-city locale and showcase their talent for drama. In the opener, Kourtney is thrilled to have volatile boyfriend Scott with her and considers asking him to move into her hotel suite. Kim, on the other hand, isn't so sure it's a good idea. — Tim Holland

Oprah Presents Master Class
10/9c OWN
So what does Simon Cowell have to tell us about life? That's this profile series' conceit: Notables impart life lessons as they tell us how they became notable. And as Cowell tells us how he rose from the mail room at EMI records in London to become pop-music master of the universe, he advises us to be patient (but have fun), to listen, to be fearless and, most important, not to lie — especially to yourself. "He has turned honesty to an art form," says Oprah. American Idol fans know that she's being polite. More polite than he would be, at any rate. — Paul Droesch