Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives
9/8c ABC
Who shot Paul Young? And is he dead or alive? Perhaps we'll find out tonight, when we return to a riot-torn Wisteria Lane and its battle-scarred residents. Susan's the worst off. It seems that she'll need a kidney or two. But Mrs. McClusky was hurt pretty bad, too. Also returning is Orson Hodge, and that could present problems for Bree, since Keith is moving in with her. Meanwhile, the Renee-Tom-Lynette mess might get messier. And Gaby will keep finding it really hard to let go of Grace, and don't expect Juanita to like that one bit. — Paul Droesch

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When Vacations Attack!
8/7c Travel
If you were stuck at an airport during last weekend's Northeast snowstorm and are still mad about it, you might want to count your vacation blessings instead. After all, a buffalo didn't maul you at Yellowstone. A tornado didn't strike your Myrtle Beach, S.C., motel. And a whale didn't collide with your sailboat. (That happened off the South African coast.) Those are three examples of tonight's holiday havoc. The worst of it, a helicopter crash on a glacier in Kyrgyzstan. Fortunately, no one died, but four Irish boaters did almost die of embarrassment when they discovered — too late — that their motorboat was too big for a River Shannon bridge. — Karen Kelty

Ask Oprah's All Stars
8/7c OWN
Psychologist Phil McGraw, finance expert Suze Orman and physician Mehmet Oz, perhaps TV's three biggest advice-dispensing superstars, bring their (mostly) daytime acts to prime time for the next four weeks, fielding viewer questions on wealth and well-being before a studio audience in two-hour sessions that Oprah promises will be no-holds-barred. As she puts it in a promotional video for the show: "Anything, and I mean anything you want to ask, people, 'cause it's cable." — Paul Droesch

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
8/7c ABC
Garrett Grommesh, a 10-year-old who uses a wheelchair, and his family, have a handicapped-accessible home built for them by Ty and his team. But the Grommesh family are not the only lucky ones; they pay their good fortune forward by giving their old home, which Ty and his team also fix up, to Garrett's classmate Arlinda Hajdari and her family, who emigrated from Kosovo and share a two-bedroom apartment that doesn't come close to meeting their needs. — Fred Mitchell

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Worst Cooks in America
9/8c Food Network
The second season opens as 16 of the most spectacularly inept cooks in America cross spatulas in an unintentionally comic competition. The instructors, chefs Anne Burrell and Robert Irvine, are given lots of opportunity to channel their culinary Simon Cowells, and the chef wannabes' preparation of a relatively simple chicken dish yields results ranging from undercooked to overcooked, bland to wildly overspiced and more than one fire in the kitchen. — Fred Mitchell

Sunday Night Football
8:15/7:15c NBC
The NFL loves to continually tweak its rules and policies (the "Brady Rule," horse-collar penalties, helmet-to-helmet contact, etc.), but few changes are more glaringly necessary than an updated playoff seeding procedure. Exhibit A is the NFC West of 2010, which will be decided tonight when the 7-8 Rams visit the 6-9 Seahawks in the league's regular-season finale. The winner gets to host a playoff game next week against an unlucky wild-card team that will have at least three more victories on its record. Pretty farcical stuff, but it won't dampen the spirit of St. Louis, which totaled six wins the previous three seasons and last won in Seattle in 2004. — Roger Leister

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CSI: Miami
8/7c CBS
Ryan is rich. At least he pretends to be on tonight's first new episode of 2011. The reason for the ruse is to investigate an elite dating service after one of its millionaire clients is murdered. Ryan poses as a wealthy businessman who employs the matchmaker to find him a perfect mate, in order to expose the truth about the questionable enterprise and gather evidence for the homicide investigation. — Tim Holland