Lucy Lawless

In Friday's Spartacus: Vengeance, we finally got to hear the iconic "I am Spartacus," which should make wise Romans turn tail. Luckily for us, their dissipated appetites are greater than their sense of preservation, and that means lots of fun conflict this season!

Spartacus and Co. follow a lead about Naevia's whereabouts to one Roman's abode, go on a massive killing spree and free the slaves. Huzzah, right? Wrong. Long-haired slave Tiberius had a cushy life here. Sure he was forced to have sex, but at least he was clothed, fed and sheltered. Another freed blonde body slave is similarly ungrateful about this newfound freedom. What good is it? Eventually Tiberius changes his mind and realizes he wants to go all Kunta Kinte and embrace the non-slave name his brother called him: Nasir.

Those "Ew!" moments in Spartacus, Episode 1

Meanwhile, Mira has "the talk" with Spartacus about their relationship, and he uses flowery words to say he really, really likes her. Glaber and Seppius have a metaphorical peeing contest over who's going to go after Spartacus. Lucretia is being treated like some sort of holy lady since she's back from the dead and even sacrifices a goat in a ritual that's supposed to bring her divine aid. Well, whaddya know? She's presented with  Oenomaus, the former Doctore for the House of Batiatus! Surely the gods have answered her plea! Or, as we see from the last scene, it was maimed gladiator Ashur who delivered her a champion. Hmm....

Enough of plot! Let's get to those "Ew" moments:

The Blood - Just like last week's episode, there's plenty of violence, but nothing too crazy yet. Gotta build up to a true level of stomach-turning gore for later episodes. That said, when younger, flashback-Oenomaus stabbed up at that guy's crotch, the implied brutality made all of us cross our legs. Also, during the ambush at the dominus' home, we saw one Roman getting impaled from the back of the head through the front of the mouth. He didn't even get a chance to say, "Ouch!" Finally, it was just disturbing to watch Lucretia (Lucy Lawless, no!) killing the goat and taking out its heart in such casual fashion.

The Bodies - Total scenes: 3. Coitus interruptus! First it was the dominus with his blonde slave, and later that slave was subjecting herself to Rhaskos' charms up against a wall. Not that much difference between being a slave or freed lady, is there? And let's not forget randy Ilythia, who keeps having hot flashbacks to when she had relations with the masked slave, whom we know to be Spartacus.

Spartacus: What to expect in Season 2 (beyond the blood and bodies)

The Bites - As creator Steven DeKnight promised, there will be more food scenes, and not just peeing in the porridge. In this episode, we see Seppius cutting into, manhandling and then eating a fig. We're not quite sure of the subtext here. To be honest, we probably don't want to know! But it sure made us feel uncomfortable, especially one point when his thumb mushes into the fruit while he's discussing capturing Spartacus.

Spartacus: Vengeance airs Fridays at 10/9c on Starz.

What scenes made you shift in your seat?