Real Housewives of New York City
Las Vegas, Texas, Miami, Mexico, Italy. Yes, the Real Housewives love to travel almost as much as they like a good glass of wine. Almost. Not to be outdone, the New York City cast took the term exotic getaway to a whole new level with a Morocco trip spanning three episodes. Part Sex and the City 2 come to life and part sequel to last year's Scary Island excursion (neither of which we knew we wanted), the Real Housewives of New York City's time abroad was hilarious, dramatic, mildly offensive and — believe it or not — educational! Here are the top 10 things we learned from their trip of a lifetime:
10. Blondes don't always have more fun: This entire season has been Team Brunette (aka Jill, LuAnn, Kelly and Cindy) vs. Team Blonde (Alex, Ramona and Sonja). However, Alex showed her sharp tongue is color-blind when she called-out her teammates for their ignorance throughout the trip. "I love Ramona and Sonja but sometimes they do make me cringe," Alex said within hours of their landing in Morocco. "They didn't care whom they offended." Later, she admitted she was "mortified" when Ramona told a top kaftan designer she didn't like kaftans and wanted to show a lot of cleavage. Uh, ya think?
VIDEO: Real Housewives' Jill declares she's Team Brunette
9. Let's talk about sex: We don't know if it was the heat or the fact that the women were so far from their significant others, but the housewives talked about sex a lot more than usual. Countess LuAnn declared sex "the fountain of youth," Kelly admitted to having watched parts of Pamela Andersen's sex tape (while munching on jelly beans, we imagine) and Alex was caught trying to "sex-Skype" Simon. Ramona even stuffed money in the g-string of a belly dancer and then danced with her. The best, err... most outrageous comments definitely came from Sonja. At one point, she asked out loud if she had packed any underwear and later, when she saw a snake emit goo from his mouth, she asked if it was venom or semen and then said, "it's coming out the wrong end." Yikes.
8. Snakes=good. Camels=bad: Jill was surprisingly calm when she was around a live snake at Brad's birthday party, comparing them to belts before she wrapped one around her head with the greatest of ease. "It feels good, it's cool," she said. "How could I be afraid of snakes when I have snakeskin shoes?" It was the camels that really seemed to freak the ladies out. After her horse-riding accident, Sonja refused to even get on one and LuAnn soon knew why when a camel rocked her like a hurricane and almost dropped her. Yes, camels don't care if you're a Countess, dahling.
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7. The ladies take psychics way too seriously: When the fortune-teller told Ramona there was another woman in her husband's life and that another woman is after him (seemingly out of the blue), Sonja actually started crying. Ramona, on the other hand, went the defensive route and told a crazy story about how LuAnn once hit on her husband. Then Sonja and Ramona started to fight because Sonja kept wondering when Mario was going to leave Ramona and Ramona accused Sonja of marrying for money instead of love. Take the tarot cards away, we beg of you!
6. Hangers and seats are extremely important commodities: After three seasons, the ladies should receive medals for their abilities to make mountains out of mole hills. One day, there was actually an entire debate about whether LuAnn should have been able to save her seat in the taxi, and within hours of landing in Morocco, Cindy, Sonja and Ramona had a heated argument when Cindy accused the other girls of stealing her clothes hangers. HANGERS! (But according to Ramona, a good hanger up-the-butt is an easy cure-all for Housewives drama. Good to know!)
5. Crazy Kelly is dead and buried: Scary Island was, for better and for worse, the undoing of Kelly. She screamed, she cried hysterically, she made weird Al Sharpton references — it was like she was trying to secure a one-way ticket to the looney bin. But that was then and this is now, and now Kelly is the voice of reason. She helped calm the very tense waters between Sonja and Cindy, knew to simply agree to disagree with Ramona and had some of the more intelligent comments about the culture.
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4. But Scary Island is far from forgotten: Bethenny has since gone on to greener pastures (i.e. her own spin-off), but her ghost still haunts the Real Housewives. Jill and Ramona had a long-overdue heart-to-heart, where it was revealed that Jill is still harboring a grudge against Ramona for kicking her out of Scary Island and not letting her try to make up with Bethenny. Ramona refused to apologize and Jill laid down the bombshell that they could never be friends [insert Ramona's ugly crying-convulsing motion here]. In the last moments, the two made up but knowing this show, that isn't even going to last until the reunion.
3. Never interrupt a lady when she is getting a Henna tattoo: Both LuAnn and Kelly were shocked and appalled that Alex barged into their Henna session ("Is she trying to interrupt our Henna session?" LuAnn asked. "What is wrong with her?"). It was the only time during the trip that Kelly seemed close to going off the deep end, when she attacked Alex for being "inauthentic," and yelled at Alex for ruining her Henna tattoo. "Who's going to fix it? Santa?" Kelly asked. Um, does he makes house calls? In June? For Henna tattoos?
2. A snack and dinner are two very different things: The last blow-out in foreign territory happened when Ramona and Sonja missed dinner by an hour-and-a-half and tried to get some late-night grub. "This is not the Plaza Hotel, this is Morocco," LuAnn sternly told them, before she ripped them a new one for ordering food to their room. Ramona countered that it was just a snack, and even brought down the plates to prove it.
1. Friendships are like books, there are good chapters and there are bad chapters: Jill's words when she was making up with Ramona, not ours. (Side note: Does this mean Jill has never read a truly good book from cover-to-cover? Someone get this woman a copy of Eat, Pray, Love stat!)
What was your favorite part of the Real Housewives of New York City's trip to Morocco? What did you learn?