Danielle Staub

Oh, sweet mother of all that's holy. Not only has the Real Housewives of New Jersey's Danielle Staub inflicted unspeakable pain on our eyes with her flatulence-and-funky-boobs sex tape, it seems she's now intent on making us wish we were deaf, too.

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Like the Housewives who have molested music before her, the New Jersey "ProstitutionWhore" has recorded a crapaceous single, which she unleashed last night on TV Guide Magazine Power List player Andy Cohen and the innocent viewers of Bravo's Watch What Happens Live. And while her voice isn't as scary as, say, Kim Z from Atlanta or that dude the Countess from New York, the experience was painful, nonetheless. "It's a tortured lullaby," creaked the StaubGoblin, adding that the ditty also included "a lot of lady loving." What she failed to mention — or warn us about — was that her performance of the song, a sappy duet called "Real Close" that she recorded with some no-name lesbian "superstar," would also include a tragic amount of clichés, a barrage of unflattering "is that the Joker?" close-ups and a not-so-veiled inference that Staub was "real close" with her Sapphic songwriting partner. The whole thing left us real close to losing it. What about you?

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