Since the Nov. 11 death of an obsessed fan outside her home, Paula Abdul has endured a "very, very tough three weeks."
"It was devastating and tragic, and there aren't enough feelings that I can articulate without getting into a whole plethora of things," Abdul told Good Morning America, speaking out for the first time since the incident.
Paula Goodspeed, a former American Idol hopeful, was found dead, from an apparent drug overdose, in a parked car in front of the Idol judge's L.A. house. Abdul was "luckily" not home at the time.
"I was at Hollywood week for American Idol when it happened," she said. "I can't even imagine if I was right there in my home. It's just been a very, very tough three weeks for me ... and for her family and for everyone involved."
Goodspeed, 30, auditioned for the fifth season of Idol, but saw her dreams dashed when the judges derided her rendition of "Proud Mary." Simon Cowell added insult to injury by poking fun of her braces, in addition to joking about a "similarity" between Goodspeed and her own idol, Abdul.
"It's the typical brother thing that we have. He would say, 'The uncanny resemblance between the two of you,' and just egg it on and egg it on," Abdul said. "But what people don't realize, this was a serious, serious situation."
Since Goodspeed's death, questions again were raised about the harshness of Idol judging, but Abdul doesn't think any of it will change any time soon.
"I don't think Simon Cowell will rethink anything," she said. "He's a man that marches to the beat of his own drum."